- Aug 9, 2018
- 1,378
- 1,698
- Jun 29, 2021
- 637
- 947
- Oct 15, 2018
- 369
- 769
PeerlessDepravity in dayThree.rpy:1209 the text constant you append to choices probably wasn't meant to be day2coplie
Also you use the {nw} tag in a few places that just causes the lines to be skipped if the player has text set to display instantly (which I'm pretty sure nearly everyone does)
Neat game btw, the characters are pretty interesting.
Also you use the {nw} tag in a few places that just causes the lines to be skipped if the player has text set to display instantly (which I'm pretty sure nearly everyone does)
Neat game btw, the characters are pretty interesting.
- Nov 22, 2018
- 551
- 628
Well, I finally got around to this one. And I rather like it. The writing in particular is very good, though not without issues.
There are a few typos, often of the variety where a single letter changes the word (our -> out, find -> fine). There are also some double negatives that make no sense (Couldn't resist not wearing it.) and some sentences that where one word is out of place (No way am I going to wake up 20 minutes "later" just so we can walk together. -> should probably be "early"; "We" and me are a team. -> "You"). Basically, this could use a careful proofread.
During MC's conversation with Julia on his way out, a few of her lines are mislabeled, making it seem like MC talks for her.
During and after the blowjob from Lauren on day 2, most of the references to the handjob on day 1 only show up if said handjob actually happened, which is good. Unfortunately, a couple were missed. Namely, Lauren says, "Gotta say, your aim was much better yesterday" and later "You came around 24 hours ago, too. How were you so pent up?"
There's also still a "Next time on Vertices" before Lisette first appears, which I doubt should be there...
And finally, a matter of opinion: I'm not a big fan of the dream sequences. Sex dreams in these games always feel weird to me, since they make it seem like the MC somehow is really good at guessing what girls look like naked (since presumably, we get to see them later and they'll look the same), even if in some cases he's only briefly met them. Also, they feel like they spoil the girls' appearances to us players ahead of time... Anyway, those are my thoughts on the subject.
There are a few typos, often of the variety where a single letter changes the word (our -> out, find -> fine). There are also some double negatives that make no sense (Couldn't resist not wearing it.) and some sentences that where one word is out of place (No way am I going to wake up 20 minutes "later" just so we can walk together. -> should probably be "early"; "We" and me are a team. -> "You"). Basically, this could use a careful proofread.
During MC's conversation with Julia on his way out, a few of her lines are mislabeled, making it seem like MC talks for her.
During and after the blowjob from Lauren on day 2, most of the references to the handjob on day 1 only show up if said handjob actually happened, which is good. Unfortunately, a couple were missed. Namely, Lauren says, "Gotta say, your aim was much better yesterday" and later "You came around 24 hours ago, too. How were you so pent up?"
There's also still a "Next time on Vertices" before Lisette first appears, which I doubt should be there...
And finally, a matter of opinion: I'm not a big fan of the dream sequences. Sex dreams in these games always feel weird to me, since they make it seem like the MC somehow is really good at guessing what girls look like naked (since presumably, we get to see them later and they'll look the same), even if in some cases he's only briefly met them. Also, they feel like they spoil the girls' appearances to us players ahead of time... Anyway, those are my thoughts on the subject.
Most of the links are down and Mixdrop and Uploadhaven downloads are getting virus flags from my browser.
- Nov 14, 2017
- 56,763
- 28,028
not missing much. if you got 2.5 hrs extra time then here
You must be registered to see the links