1. this is the true vam experience, clunky, slow, bloated, buggy af and so fucking frustrating sometimes you'd want to pull your hair out. theres no way out of it lol. vam doesnt have a good way to manage packages. so u will end up downloading all sorts of useless garbage packages as dependencies. my only advice here is to simply not download those dependencies. check each of them to see if its worth it and if not skip. and ignore the "missing dependency" warnings, the are inconsequential anyway.
my old vam install was more than 600 gigs filled with useless shit. now its around half that 320 gb. i also have used this tool in the past,
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highly recommended. another advice is when you see a clothing or hair that u dont like within vam, click on that cube icon, which opens up addon package manager where you can delete them. again ignore those "missing dependency" warnings.
2. if it says not on hub, then its means the page of that specific item is not setup properly to download within vam. this could be cos the author might be linking directly to their patreon or some other site. or it just doesnt exist on vamhub. theres no good answer for this, you have to ask around.
3. check how animataion is applied. if its with
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plugin, open its ui > More > import/export > export. now u can import it anywhere. if its made with vams built in animation thing, use
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to import/export it.
And for appearance issue, yea thats how most people do it, really fucking annoying. they dont ship appreance presets, they just include the scene only. you have manually open up scene and save it as a appearance preset.