- Nov 25, 2021
- 553
- 1,336
The artwork is great, and I agree with the above poster that the clock advancing is an excellent bit of paying attention to the little details, which I appreciate.
I also had a bit of trouble with the voice of the narration, but I too am struggling to describe exactly why. It just didn't "feel" like the writing style I've gotten accustomed to in your games.
My biggest criticism is that it's pretty verbose for a comic. Comics as a medium are very much dialog driven, and I always find they work best when they really lean into the adage of "show, don't tell." Long sections with just one character thinking about something are very hard to pull off. I think to accomplish what you wanted here, it may have been more effective to have the opening and use of the gift be, say two pages total, with very short descriptions of what she's thinking, followed by a few pages of her on the phone with her best friend and they're talking about what just happened in short, punchy sentences where she reveals her worries. Friend could tell her much of what the above poster mentioned, "sweetie, he got it for you because he wants it to blow your mind. You should tell him it did." Last page is her visiting hubby, she confesses she loved it, but was worried about telling him. He tells her she should never have worried and relay all the info you wanted there about how much he loves her and just wants her to be happy. Set-up, conflict, payoff.
Of course, all of that would involve even more rendering of more characters, which would be a lot of time spent for a side project one-shot deal, so I completely understand why you would go the route you did.
In any event, your work is always appreciated, thank you.
And most importantly of all, I sincerely hope you are feeling better!
I also had a bit of trouble with the voice of the narration, but I too am struggling to describe exactly why. It just didn't "feel" like the writing style I've gotten accustomed to in your games.
My biggest criticism is that it's pretty verbose for a comic. Comics as a medium are very much dialog driven, and I always find they work best when they really lean into the adage of "show, don't tell." Long sections with just one character thinking about something are very hard to pull off. I think to accomplish what you wanted here, it may have been more effective to have the opening and use of the gift be, say two pages total, with very short descriptions of what she's thinking, followed by a few pages of her on the phone with her best friend and they're talking about what just happened in short, punchy sentences where she reveals her worries. Friend could tell her much of what the above poster mentioned, "sweetie, he got it for you because he wants it to blow your mind. You should tell him it did." Last page is her visiting hubby, she confesses she loved it, but was worried about telling him. He tells her she should never have worried and relay all the info you wanted there about how much he loves her and just wants her to be happy. Set-up, conflict, payoff.
Of course, all of that would involve even more rendering of more characters, which would be a lot of time spent for a side project one-shot deal, so I completely understand why you would go the route you did.
In any event, your work is always appreciated, thank you.
And most importantly of all, I sincerely hope you are feeling better!
