UPDATE: The Ticking of the Clock won’t let me Sleep… April 7, 2019
Although I write about it in my stories, I am not one for superstition… but for some reason it always seems that the month of April is a cursed month for me…
Mind you, it isn’t always
BIG things, but usually a cumulation of lots of little things to just make that month for me (and my wife who has to suffer through them, because of me) totally miserable and stress laden.
This April started no different than any other year, right away, while everyone was celebrating and pranking each other on April 1st., I was sitting in a dealership waiting for my wife’s car to get repaired… we are a one car family, since I am disabled and work from home there really isn’t much point for me having one… so when the wife’s car acts up, it can add a ton of stress here.
Car repairs (at least in the US) costs a bundle and always have to arrange a way for the wife to get back and forth to work if the repairs take a long period of time… fortunately, we are only running an Oil Consumption Test on the vehicle, apparently it is burning too much oil (though we bought the car used last January from the dealership) and GMAC knew of the issues with the particular motor (TSB 15285C) and will repair it for free if they find that it is faulty (which it seems to be).
Additionally, Monday… April 8, is my dad’s birthday, August 17th of this year will mark the 5th year he was taken from us by a massive heart attack, so my mom is really having a difficult time of it… as she always does this time of year (and August, holidays, wedding anniversary date, etc.…), understandable, but means a few weeks of her remembering dad, trips down memory lane and her working herself into stress-filled states of tears and sobs.
I miss my dad... and I hate to see my mom suffering his loss.
So, April has become, for me, a month of “waiting for the other shoe to drop” … waiting to find out “what’s going to happen next” to add stress and sleepless nights to my usual schedule.
It didn’t take long… got a brief message from
Booom313 telling me that her computer system wasn’t booting up like it should, so the work we planned to accomplish this week, got sidetracked while she worked hard to get it fixed and thankfully, 8pm last night, she was able to get it back up and running.
In the meantime, I’ve been sitting here, working on “
Chapter Two”, cranking out over 400 renders and had to redesign part of the chapter, as it became apparent that some things revealed in “
Chapter One” needed a bit more explaining (according to some of our beta testers and I agree with them), so spent the better part of the week redesigning that chapter, so that the “Mission” of
Claire and
William will make a little more sense to everyone…
For those who wish to know more about the change up on “
Chapter Two” that I have had to do, I will be making a post about it behind the paywall (because I don’t want
Patreon complaining to me and threatening closure of our page about “
Implied Nudity” again) …
(edit: Will be posted here on F95 as well for those who can't get behind the paywall)
Also, I have been watching as some of our most diligent and loyal supporters leave us, simply because, in my opinion, it has taken
TOO LONG to get this next game out to everyone and I feel as though I am becoming like one of “
THOSE” creators… which pisses me off, frustrates me and has me feeling like I am failing all of you.
I am not going to lie to any of you, that
DARK little voice inside of my head has been pretty active this week, reminding me of how lost and overworked I am without the wife’s or
Palanto’s help, wondering if my way of producing things is adding too much stress on
Booom313, questioning if I should continue the negotiations with the potential investors and increase the staff needed for the game… or if I should turn off the
Patreon site, save all of you money and spare you all from what must seem like to you
bullsh*t excuses…
…I don’t want to quit; I don’t want to give up… I can’t afford to quit, I turned most of my workload to my normal job over to another team in the company that I work for, so that I could spend more time working on
OUR own games and using
MY stories… I’ve invested so much of my time and future into doing these things, I really can’t afford to quit now… or I will just put
MORE stress on my family by not being able to bring money in…
…but it isn’t
FAIR to any of you either, to spend your hard-earned dollar on a guy who, may be working his ass off, but still isn’t giving you anything either… that
REALLY bugs me!
Booom313 and I are working our tails off, we are working on our communication with each other, trying to create a system like
Palanto and I had, where we worked well with each other and covered each other’s roles well… but, if you can no longer wait, or no longer want to wait, I understand!
I don’t want to lose
ANY OF YOU and we are working hard and will have something out shortly, but I will understand if you can’t or no longer want to wait… we will still deliver to you want you paid for, even if you have to or want to go.
In the meantime, I am going to keep working as hard as I can, I am going to remain in negotiations with the investor, nor am I going to give up on what I
PROMISED all of you or what I
PROMISED my wife,
Palanto or
Booom313 either… I
HOPE that all of you will stay with us, just a bit longer… please… but, if you can’t or don’t want to, I will understand.
~Jack