After wasting an entire page posting nothing but irrelevant images and music videos get this topic back on track!
- Thread starter ASLPro3D
- Start date
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- 3dcg adventure anal sex cheating corruption exhibitionism fantasy female domination female protagonist futa/trans group sex humiliation lesbian male domination male protagonist masturbation milf mobile game multiple endings multiple penetration multiple protagonist oral sex religion sci-fi sex toys tentacles transformation vaginal sex voyeurism
- Jul 17, 2017
- 87
- 177
@ASLPro3D
Let me begin with, "Long time lurker, first time caller..." haha! I've been keeping an eye on this thread and your game for a couple of months now but just had a chance to play it last night.
I'm glad to see that it's been revamped to become more of a chapter game (with choices being remembered between chapters) instead of a one off situation. Glad @Palanto Games came along when he did / early enough so it could be implemented without too much issue of going back and fixing code later. Makes things so much easier on you in the long run.
I'm also impressed by the writing style. There are too many "games" that have been "Engrished" by Google Translate that should be re-translated by a native speaker who can also revamp the grammatical errors, as well. So, from someone who would rather read a wall of well-written text than to watch drawn porn, I thank you.
That being said, though... I had wished for more text to fill in the gaps since there's a lack of animation. I saved at each choice and carefully read through the text of each option and found each to be a little lacking. Please don't take that as a negative, because it's not. I enjoy your writing enough to want more... more description means less mental gymnastics.
On a similar topic, I've been reading about people having issues with certain scenes; Claire and Billy, then Michelle and Charlie. Personally, I thought they were actually a bit too tame. I mean, with the Claire and Billy scene, there's the shot of her crying while being raped but, there's a lack of emotion through most of the scene. I'm not saying I want more "violence" or anything but it just seemed a little "sterile" for lack of a better term. I suppose, for me, it came across as she was more upset by the idea of tricking her uncle (the MC) and less upset about what she perceived as "commonplace" for her life.
As for the Michelle and Charlie scene, even though the visual wasn't added, which worked just as well, it didn't have the "punch" I thought it would have. It might have been because "no one got hurt" and from the wording, it came across as if both of them actually enjoyed it. One of those "no harm, no foul" sort of situations.
Also, as someone else mentioned, the scene where Corina and the Princess area lost in the woods could use a bit more information / explanation. If I hadn't browsed through this thread and read the explanation of the plants being used as a trap I wouldn't have understood why Citrine and the Royal Guards were so sexually aggressive.
Again, please don't take any of this as anything more than constructive. I can't even call any of this "criticism" because it's more of how I see things as a casual observer. I understand you have to balance a lot in order to have a coherent story with appeasing as many people as possible while staying true to your vision, which is nearly impossible.
Let me begin with, "Long time lurker, first time caller..." haha! I've been keeping an eye on this thread and your game for a couple of months now but just had a chance to play it last night.
I'm glad to see that it's been revamped to become more of a chapter game (with choices being remembered between chapters) instead of a one off situation. Glad @Palanto Games came along when he did / early enough so it could be implemented without too much issue of going back and fixing code later. Makes things so much easier on you in the long run.
I'm also impressed by the writing style. There are too many "games" that have been "Engrished" by Google Translate that should be re-translated by a native speaker who can also revamp the grammatical errors, as well. So, from someone who would rather read a wall of well-written text than to watch drawn porn, I thank you.
That being said, though... I had wished for more text to fill in the gaps since there's a lack of animation. I saved at each choice and carefully read through the text of each option and found each to be a little lacking. Please don't take that as a negative, because it's not. I enjoy your writing enough to want more... more description means less mental gymnastics.
On a similar topic, I've been reading about people having issues with certain scenes; Claire and Billy, then Michelle and Charlie. Personally, I thought they were actually a bit too tame. I mean, with the Claire and Billy scene, there's the shot of her crying while being raped but, there's a lack of emotion through most of the scene. I'm not saying I want more "violence" or anything but it just seemed a little "sterile" for lack of a better term. I suppose, for me, it came across as she was more upset by the idea of tricking her uncle (the MC) and less upset about what she perceived as "commonplace" for her life.
As for the Michelle and Charlie scene, even though the visual wasn't added, which worked just as well, it didn't have the "punch" I thought it would have. It might have been because "no one got hurt" and from the wording, it came across as if both of them actually enjoyed it. One of those "no harm, no foul" sort of situations.
Also, as someone else mentioned, the scene where Corina and the Princess area lost in the woods could use a bit more information / explanation. If I hadn't browsed through this thread and read the explanation of the plants being used as a trap I wouldn't have understood why Citrine and the Royal Guards were so sexually aggressive.
Again, please don't take any of this as anything more than constructive. I can't even call any of this "criticism" because it's more of how I see things as a casual observer. I understand you have to balance a lot in order to have a coherent story with appeasing as many people as possible while staying true to your vision, which is nearly impossible.
- Jan 10, 2018
- 8,087
- 16,686
Morning Gang, hope all are impatiently patiently waiting for the hew update in a few days :biggrin:
@
Fair enough what you say and all constructive criticism should be welcome. Others have made similar observations and some thought ASLPRO went already too far in those scenes you described
, criticism of course also can never be completely impartial. Your own point of view always shines through.
He also discussed himself a few times he was afraid he was already adding too much wall of text as is his wont as a writer and also agreed that the Carina scene could have used a bit more explanation. Since this is his first game project, as far as I know, we can expect him to have to work getting the balance between renders and story right in his own eyes since he is still learning to work in this medium. Easy to forget if look at what a great product the team has released until now.
Personally my opinion is that he has started a great story and enjoyable game with some very good renders and based on Palanto's guestimate of final size of game we are only at about 10% of the game at the moment. So enjoy the ride with all of us and see how much the team will improve over time.
@
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Fair enough what you say and all constructive criticism should be welcome. Others have made similar observations and some thought ASLPRO went already too far in those scenes you described
, criticism of course also can never be completely impartial. Your own point of view always shines through. He also discussed himself a few times he was afraid he was already adding too much wall of text as is his wont as a writer and also agreed that the Carina scene could have used a bit more explanation. Since this is his first game project, as far as I know, we can expect him to have to work getting the balance between renders and story right in his own eyes since he is still learning to work in this medium. Easy to forget if look at what a great product the team has released until now.
Personally my opinion is that he has started a great story and enjoyable game with some very good renders and based on Palanto's guestimate of final size of game we are only at about 10% of the game at the moment. So enjoy the ride with all of us and see how much the team will improve over time.
- Oct 4, 2017
- 964
- 1,841
Sorry I think I only played part one, but had I known that there was a Blind Guardian Concert inside the second game I would certainly have played itThough this one might be better for Palanto if he ever played Sacred 2
Likely biggest twist i ever saw in a game as end of a quest.
Thank you for your praise!
And especially thanks for the great constructive criticism, that's something we can certainly work with and learn from! Most of it is directed at ASLPro3D so I guess he'll answer himself later
Morning Gang, hope all are impatiently patiently waiting for the hew update in a few days :biggrin:
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Fair enough what you say and all constructive criticism should be welcome. Others have made similar observations and some thought ASLPRO went already too far in those scenes you described
He also discussed himself a few times he was afraid he was already adding too much wall of text as is his wont as a writer and also agreed that the Carina scene could have used a bit more explanation. Since this is his first game project, as far as I know, we can expect him to have to work getting the balance between renders and story right in his own eyes since he is still learning to work in this medium. Easy to forget if look at what a great product the team has released until now.
Personally my opinion is that he has started a great story and enjoyable game with some very good renders and based on Palanto's guestimate of final size of game we are only at about 10% of the game at the moment. So enjoy the ride with all of us and see how much the team will improve over time.
I'm only "impatiently" waiting for the new update x'D
Constructive criticism like this is always welcome!
Feedback in general, because on patreon it lacks in that department... :-\That's why we love you guys (and girls) over here so much
We can discuss the good AND the bad things here Well maybe 20GB was a bit exaggerated?
I don't know, but in percentage I'd say it's about 30% finished. At least Wicked Choices that is.... p.S.: Sorry for my bad english from time to time, I'm not only german but also only working nightshifts and am pretty tired at this time so if you find any typos or grammar errors you can keep 'em
Ooops!! BUSTED!! Sorry @Kasey!!
For those who want to hang, chew the fat, BS with one another, you can do so on our Discord Channel so we aren't causing problems here.
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@Rebel_Yell
Wow, lots and lots of good information and viewpoints!! Thank you so much for coming out of "lurk mode" to take the time to share your thoughts and opinions with us, it is greatly appreciated and helpful!
Thanks to @Palanto Games coming on board, we are able to turn this a bit more into actually being a game and add many new features to prepare for the things that we really want to do with the game.
Because of the limitations of what I was able to do while working on the game with just the wife, as well as, the fact that we are still setting up the world that the players will live in, along with the character they will interact with, the storyline to a certain point is still more "blah, blah, blah" then choices and exploration... but that will change in April and beyond as I am getting near the area of the story where the stage has been set and things are going to progress much quicker storyline wise for the characters and players.
As for more descriptive elements for the sexual scenes, I might be able to boost that up a bit and add more description... still trying to find a bit of a balance there, but yeah... until I can find another artist that will work with us, there won't be sex animations in the game for a couple of reasons...
1.) Time vs Value... unlike other VN's that use sprites for a lot of their stuff, I do full renders for the story, not just the sex scenes... and currently the game is over 2,500 images far more than most games out there, as more and more choices become available in the game, those numbers are going to drastically increase to create the variations.
2.) Stringing together two or several still images to make an animation of simulated sex is kind of hooky to me, I personally cringe when I see them in some games because they just aren't seamless and, being that I do a lot of 3D, my brain locks onto to the imperfections in them... and even I am not perfect in my art... in fact, I am a writer, not an artist... I feel my art really is barely passable, to be brutally honest.
So yeah, I suppose I could add a bit more description to the erotic scenes, I still want to leave enough for the reader's imagination, but can certainly add a little more.
As for tameness... personally, I see my game as a more "erotic" story than a "porn" story... in the case of William and Claire, it was important for me to capture what was going on in the scene and describe it, but NOT make it arousing to the reader... instead, I wanted the reader to feel disgust, anger and a desire for revenge at what Claire had to suffer (which it seems that I was able to accomplish)... it really wasn't put in to be FAP material, it was simply a plot point for character and story development.
Her viewpoint of the situation focused more on her Uncle and what she had done to him at the behest of her mother is because this sort of abuse she undergoes is something that she's been forced to experience repeatedly for over 7 years or so... the only notable difference is the level of violence her brother has towards her which is more based on his jealousy and misdirected anger, otherwise, it is a situation that Claire has [sadly] become accustomed to... sometimes a victim would rather go limp and endure, than spur on the abuse or give their assailant any satisfaction.
As for Michelle and Charlie, heh... yeah, in that case, it was important to show how little the MC really knows his own family and that his daughter isn't as 'innocent' as he imagined her to be... that sexual things have and are taking place under his roof without him ever knowing or expecting... and that because of Syrina's ability (to know a person's darkest secrets) if he wanted to, he could use that information to leverage people into doing what he wants them to do.
This fact is going to really be highlighted and utilized in Chapter 6 of the game and beyond... "Blackmail" is one of the "Wicked" routes players can take.
As for describing that scene in detail, it really wasn't needed... in fact, it really doesn't describe ANYTHING... it is alluded to, but the players are the ones that are really determining what is going on in that room!! Many have taken Michelle's relationship with Charlie beyond her getting licked into a situation that was never even implied... but their imaginations took it there... sometimes the reader's imagination is a more useful tool to a writer than word is... this is one such case, as they alone determine the depth of that relationship without me having to enforce it on them.
As for the scene with Princess Lynara and Carina in the jungle, yeah, I agree that could've been handled a little better, but as mentioned elsewhere, I was still worried at the time that I was writing too much and thought that I had been adequate in the fact that the Otokotorappu secretions were altering people's perceptions and arousal... a BIG error on my part.
In short, my personal views on my game is that this is more an 'erotic' story than a 'porn' story... where the whole thing is debased and just a means in which people FAP to... I certainly want it to be arousing enough that it people stroke themselves to if they want, but also be a title that those who have no interest in doing so, can find the game, story and characters interesting enough to play.
It will have detailed (to a degree) sex scenes in it, but the story also holds value and those scenes enhances the story... for me, I want the game to invoke emotions from the players, inspire them to use their imaginations, forge alliances with particular characters (and with other players) and have them talking about the story beyond just the sexual elements and kinks of the game...
...and, honestly, this storyline and game... well, it was just a means in which for me to test and see if I had what it took to do a game that would interest people... while I think this story is good, it isn't one of my best ones, it was what I considered a 'throwaway' story to simply use to test player interest in my storytelling before I actually used a much more involved and developed storyline... something to get my feet wet with, learn the ropes and gauge response.
Thank you again, so much for sharing your thoughts, you've given me lots to consider and provided valuable information for me to consider going forward. I truly appreciate it!!
Wow, lots and lots of good information and viewpoints!! Thank you so much for coming out of "lurk mode" to take the time to share your thoughts and opinions with us, it is greatly appreciated and helpful!
Thanks to @Palanto Games coming on board, we are able to turn this a bit more into actually being a game and add many new features to prepare for the things that we really want to do with the game.
Because of the limitations of what I was able to do while working on the game with just the wife, as well as, the fact that we are still setting up the world that the players will live in, along with the character they will interact with, the storyline to a certain point is still more "blah, blah, blah" then choices and exploration... but that will change in April and beyond as I am getting near the area of the story where the stage has been set and things are going to progress much quicker storyline wise for the characters and players.
As for more descriptive elements for the sexual scenes, I might be able to boost that up a bit and add more description... still trying to find a bit of a balance there, but yeah... until I can find another artist that will work with us, there won't be sex animations in the game for a couple of reasons...
1.) Time vs Value... unlike other VN's that use sprites for a lot of their stuff, I do full renders for the story, not just the sex scenes... and currently the game is over 2,500 images far more than most games out there, as more and more choices become available in the game, those numbers are going to drastically increase to create the variations.
2.) Stringing together two or several still images to make an animation of simulated sex is kind of hooky to me, I personally cringe when I see them in some games because they just aren't seamless and, being that I do a lot of 3D, my brain locks onto to the imperfections in them... and even I am not perfect in my art... in fact, I am a writer, not an artist... I feel my art really is barely passable, to be brutally honest.
So yeah, I suppose I could add a bit more description to the erotic scenes, I still want to leave enough for the reader's imagination, but can certainly add a little more.
As for tameness... personally, I see my game as a more "erotic" story than a "porn" story... in the case of William and Claire, it was important for me to capture what was going on in the scene and describe it, but NOT make it arousing to the reader... instead, I wanted the reader to feel disgust, anger and a desire for revenge at what Claire had to suffer (which it seems that I was able to accomplish)... it really wasn't put in to be FAP material, it was simply a plot point for character and story development.
Her viewpoint of the situation focused more on her Uncle and what she had done to him at the behest of her mother is because this sort of abuse she undergoes is something that she's been forced to experience repeatedly for over 7 years or so... the only notable difference is the level of violence her brother has towards her which is more based on his jealousy and misdirected anger, otherwise, it is a situation that Claire has [sadly] become accustomed to... sometimes a victim would rather go limp and endure, than spur on the abuse or give their assailant any satisfaction.
As for Michelle and Charlie, heh... yeah, in that case, it was important to show how little the MC really knows his own family and that his daughter isn't as 'innocent' as he imagined her to be... that sexual things have and are taking place under his roof without him ever knowing or expecting... and that because of Syrina's ability (to know a person's darkest secrets) if he wanted to, he could use that information to leverage people into doing what he wants them to do.
This fact is going to really be highlighted and utilized in Chapter 6 of the game and beyond... "Blackmail" is one of the "Wicked" routes players can take.
As for describing that scene in detail, it really wasn't needed... in fact, it really doesn't describe ANYTHING... it is alluded to, but the players are the ones that are really determining what is going on in that room!! Many have taken Michelle's relationship with Charlie beyond her getting licked into a situation that was never even implied... but their imaginations took it there... sometimes the reader's imagination is a more useful tool to a writer than word is... this is one such case, as they alone determine the depth of that relationship without me having to enforce it on them.
As for the scene with Princess Lynara and Carina in the jungle, yeah, I agree that could've been handled a little better, but as mentioned elsewhere, I was still worried at the time that I was writing too much and thought that I had been adequate in the fact that the Otokotorappu secretions were altering people's perceptions and arousal... a BIG error on my part.
In short, my personal views on my game is that this is more an 'erotic' story than a 'porn' story... where the whole thing is debased and just a means in which people FAP to... I certainly want it to be arousing enough that it people stroke themselves to if they want, but also be a title that those who have no interest in doing so, can find the game, story and characters interesting enough to play.
It will have detailed (to a degree) sex scenes in it, but the story also holds value and those scenes enhances the story... for me, I want the game to invoke emotions from the players, inspire them to use their imaginations, forge alliances with particular characters (and with other players) and have them talking about the story beyond just the sexual elements and kinks of the game...
...and, honestly, this storyline and game... well, it was just a means in which for me to test and see if I had what it took to do a game that would interest people... while I think this story is good, it isn't one of my best ones, it was what I considered a 'throwaway' story to simply use to test player interest in my storytelling before I actually used a much more involved and developed storyline... something to get my feet wet with, learn the ropes and gauge response.
Thank you again, so much for sharing your thoughts, you've given me lots to consider and provided valuable information for me to consider going forward. I truly appreciate it!!
If I am to go by the chapter breakdowns that I originally created when I plotted out this game before I started working on it, Book One of Wicked Choices contains 13 Chapters... and currently we are just nearing the end of Chapter 4... I will let the mathematicians figure out what that equates to in the whole realm of percentages of completion.Well maybe 20GB was a bit exaggerated?
Understandably, to a lot of you (including me) this would seem to be a hell of a large sized game and you'd probably be right... but unlike some of the other games that drag on and on and on, never fucking your daughter, or endless milk runs, our story is going to move faster and faster as it propels itself to you leading a war of which side you choose to fight for... whether the Demonothans, the Angelions... or for yourself and Mankind.
While "Wicked Choices: Book One" is about character introduction, world and character building... there will be ways to resolve situations (such as the one with William and Janice), the ability to have sex with the many characters you run across and learn the powers that you will be able to use against/on or for other characters in the game...
"Wicked Choices: Book Two" will be a far greater task for @Palanto Games and I... as that will include far more RPG elements than those employed in "Wicked Choices: Book One", as well as, a Free Roam ability that will allow you to choose the characters you want to build relationships with, team building, or continue storylines with...
We have no plans of dragging things out... we have future goals that go beyond "Wicked Choices", ones that we aren't willing to share yet, but we ARE going to complete "Wicked Choices" and not milk the shit out of it like others do with their games... I have SO MANY STORIES that I want to share with all of you besides this one and @Palanto Games has so many tricks and abilities he wants all of you to use... and no, they all won't be confined to Ren'Py!!
But, we aren't going to rush "Wicked Choices" either... or leave you guys with a massive case of virtual blue balls for years on end... you WILL get to have sex, you will get to torment characters, you will get to use your powers and you will make a dent in the story as things progress!!
- May 22, 2017
- 3,164
- 7,823
Just when it was starting to get fun in here some salty sour puss reported to a mod and got off on it again. Congrats to the rat.
Just to be "on track", your game looks pretty good with a transparent text box. Try the patch from my sig to try and maybe consider tweaking your game's default conf to something similar :winkytongue:
Just to be "on track", your game looks pretty good with a transparent text box. Try the patch from my sig to try and maybe consider tweaking your game's default conf to something similar :winkytongue:
Yess, yess! Joan Jett rocks!I did not want to remind ASLPRO of that
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- Jan 10, 2018
- 8,087
- 16,686
Well a really good story and game is never too big, maybe too small and maybe might make some people impatient, so go for it. :evilsmile:
Definitely looking forward to making some of those good choices, some might find wicked.
Edit: One question that may be too early within story though ASLPRO, is the relation between Demonathans and humans more symbiotic or parastitic in nature and can you as MC influence the nature of that relationship?
Definitely looking forward to making some of those good choices, some might find wicked.
Edit: One question that may be too early within story though ASLPRO, is the relation between Demonathans and humans more symbiotic or parastitic in nature and can you as MC influence the nature of that relationship?
Yeah... hate that we can't just chat in the thread, it isn't like most bother to take the time read the forum threads before they ask their questions anyhow... but not my site or rules. *shrugs*
And yes, Joan Jett... YUMMY!!!
As for the transparent Text Box, I will have @Palanto Games look into it and test it, to see... thanks for pointing it out!!
- May 22, 2017
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- 7,823
Reporting a game dev and his programmer in their own game thread must be something that any forum rat has wet dreams about. One got really lucky today, I guess x'D
As I imagined it, the Demonothans found themselves on a new world and also sexually compatible with humans (Angelions are as well, but Queen Azera and her mother prohibited it)... for the Demonothans, their ship was much like an ARK, sent out to find a new world in which to live on free from the war that they were losing against the Angelions... so their main focus is repopulation, not conquering, but a symbiotic relationship with Mankind...
...because Mankind was a less advanced race compared to either the Demonothans (or Angelions), the 'powers' of the Demonothans (and Angelions) had man worshiping the two races as Gods... when the Angelions began their religous culling of the Demonothans, they did so by creating a religion that suited their needs to get rid of the 'old gods', using Mankind's help and superstitious tendencies.
Thus was born the Crusades and later, the witch hunts, that was used to hunt down offspring of the Demonothans... an example of Demonothan offspring would be Hercules, Perseus, etc... and in line with the "gospel" that the Angelions were peddling to Mankind an offspring of an Angelion was born... Jesus Christ... to further spread the "gospel" and be a tool of the Angelions.... but I am getting ahead of myself and more about Jesus and his role will be revealed soon.
The rat is the Mod. People come here for information about the game not to hang out and watch music videos. ASLPro3D has suggested that you hang out on his discord for that. Thx.
- May 22, 2017
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Yeah, I always liked the instrumental part, all the axe grinding, etc. And the video looks great, all these yummy girls there...
But the song.... God, how whiny one can possibly get?
This is not suitable for this game, IMHO.
No-no, UncleVT. Keep these crying games and HIM outta here! :winkytongue: It's what girls like - androgynous whiny types, crying about them. Real men do not listen to shit like this :test:
- Jan 10, 2018
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Thanks for the answer ASLPRO I suspect we will see more of the plans and the relationship with the Demonathans unfold when we meet Lilith again or even the Demonathan Seer I guess, though the behaviour of little adorable FAP in coming version does give some hints. penedeyewink:
I suspect we will see more of the plans and the relationship with the Demonathans unfold when we meet Lilith again or even the Demonathan Seer I guess, though the behaviour of little adorable FAP in coming version does give some hints. penedeyewink:
- Nov 23, 2017
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Dein Englisch ist besser denn mein Deusch. Never did master the genders of my nouns. All is forgiven, especially with fatigue added into the mix.p.S.: Sorry for my bad english from time to time, I'm not only german but also only working nightshifts and am pretty tired at this time so if you find any typos or grammar errors you can keep 'em
I am waiting, surprisingly enough, for first contact with humans. I am one that really loves to know and develop the MC, but Lynara and Carina are in such a bizarre situation. This could(will) be some rather entertaining moments, with the culture shock and all.
- Jan 10, 2018
- 8,087
- 16,686
@
Also my German is not that good as well. Something shared by lots of people I suspect :biggrin:
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, without spoiling anything you should see first of that in a few days I suspect Also my German is not that good as well.
Something shared by lots of people I suspect :biggrin:
- May 28, 2017
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Yeah, my German isn't that great as well, but my Bavarian is pretty good!
- May 22, 2017
- 3,164
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Sorry, man, but we're here just waiting while having some little fun, ready for those people to come in, ready to answer to their dumb questions, give them that information and support you're talking about. It's not really our fault that no one has come and asked anything on these last pages.
We should really be grateful to have both the dev and his programmer here, taking it easy and having some fun, not to send them away.
Have you ever asked those people who come here for information - to get or to give it, that they really don't want to have some fun and hang here, too? I mean, we're definitely some of those people you're talking about. Where can you find these odd people who only want to get or give some dry information without any humor? I've seen some dried up cookies in accounting, but that's about it. And I happen to know that at least some of them become normal people after leaving the office.
I've been a mod, I know it's not an easy job. You just have to know when not to overdo it or you'll scare all the people you're talking about, away for good.
Be cool, man, take it easy. Have a nice day/evening/morning - whatever
- Jul 17, 2017
- 87
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Normally, I'm not a fan of animations. They tend to be interesting filler but, nothing I want in a replay. There are some amazing animated games, though... I knew coming in this was not going to be one of those and, to be honest, I was grateful it wasn't. I actually enjoy virtual novels and reading has been a passion for me since I was a kid. (For the record, I'm mid-40's so I've had a few years to "ripen." haha!)
I wasn't hoping to fap to any parts of the story, especially the rape of Claire. It was just "dry" while I was reading it. I suppose, since I've known actual people who have been in situations similar, it came across with less emotion than I was expecting. For example: coming from Claire's perspective, she went "numb" and let he mind wander, thinking about her uncle. That was believable but there, again in my opinion, should have been a split in her consciousness... A duality of thought between how much she hates her brother for using her and how much she loves her uncle for his love. Could also have a thought or two about "Why does he love me when my own family...?" Same could be said for Billy's thoughts during the scene. He would use the misplaced hatred of Claire as the "fuel" for the act but, he would also realize that he's nothing more than a pawn in his mother's twisted conspiracy.
More description = more emotion. The emotional ties are what carries a story.
And, yes... I completely understand worrying about how a "wall of text" will be taken in a "porn game" as most would see it. But, you've stated previously, your words are what's important, so they should stand on their own merit. Any graphics should enhance what you already have.
This is exactly what I was trying to explain. We all have good and evil, plus varying shades of gray. I've been known to have some twisted kinks in my head from time to time even though I don't bring them to light. Same can be said for everyone. We're all twisted in one form or another even if no one else knows about it. So for the MC to find out his "innocent" (which I still think she is) daughter enjoys having "quality time" with Charlie, that's just a surprise to him and he needs time to process that information and decide if / when / how to deal with it. I was not expecting that to be "fap material" either. My original reply was more of a "I'm not sure why people were offended since the information was made in passing, was really tame descriptively, and nothing was shown."
Once the game / interactive story is completed, do you think there might be a chance for you to "re-master" certain sections with more information or better descriptions? As an author, and a professional one at that, you know readers are either given information or they have to contrive it from their own knowledge and experiences. Since this is partially based in a world of your design, certain information is not readily available to the reader so it has to be given to them. If for no other reason than to make the mental transitions more smooth which can lead to readers being more forgiving because they will "know" things will make sense at some point.
You've also mentioned this is a "throwaway story" which is fine. If I were to create a virtual / interactive novel I don't think I would learn using my "Ace in the Hole" story either. (Which, if I had the graphical experience and the computer to actually render decent images, I'd actually consider using one of my novellas / short stories in a project. Unfortunately, I don't have either of those luxuries.)
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On a slightly different topic, if I found grammatical errors, who should I tag for them? Would it be yourself or @Palanto Games?