A small bit of warning, to make my point, I need to share some background, so the post might get quite long before I reach the merit. Please note that this post is NOT a rant, and should not be read as one, and I recommend to read it in full before making assumptions. Also, grab a cuppa, and make yourself comfortable.
After playing the original Akabur's Princess Trainer, and later, Witch Trainer, I started looking for more games like this, then I stumbled upon F95Zone, and later, this very mod. I was blown away how much different it was compared to the original game, and I liked it so much, I wanted to give something back to the community here, and that's when I made my first addition for this project, independently, without asking, or being asked to contribute.
I knew fuck all about Ren'py or Python, and I knew even less about drawing artwork, as my post from 2018 obviously and painfully pictures it. I haven't done any programming courses before, and the last time I drew something was drawing dicks in my friend's notebook in class in middle-school. I had some prior programming experience with C# and a little bit of Java (Thanks to CS 1.6 and Minecraft modding scenes), but not with dynamically-typed languages (at the time I didn't even know the difference).
I knew only one thing -- that I wanted to give back to the community. So I bought the best drawing tablet I could afford for £50 quid (Wacom One), and did the best I could, knowing it still probably isn't enough as self-doubt hit me, but despite that, I kept going until I managed to create something that was at least somewhat presentable.
That's not all, though, I still did not know how to put it all in the game, so I spent the next two weeks trying to understand whatever the fuck I was looking at when opening game scripts. Yeah, my stupid ass thought the best way to do this was to simply use the trial and error approach.
In the end, it took me almost a full month to add the snow effect, and replace in-game assets, a task that now would take me few hours, maybe a day if I had to draw the assets from scratch.
https://f95zone.to/threads/witch-trainer-silver-mod-v1-45-3-silver-studio-games.1697/post-1373304
You may be wondering why I'm talking about all this, what's the point. Let me tell you. You see, as in everything we do in life, there's a learning curve, one that you cannot simply skip ahead. Your experience and knowledge is what helps you shape your skills, experience I did not have, knowledge I did not possess.
Making games is difficult, making porn games is all that, but you also have to deal with the stigma, lack of financial support, and the dualism of the community as things can turn very quickly in both positive, or negative direction.
When I was first approached by Johnny (simply a writer at the time, now the lead writer), after posting my contribution, they were intrigued by it, as it was rare for people to contribute to the project. We talked, I met other members of Team Silver (as the group called themselves before), fast forward few weeks, and somehow I ended up joining them, despite my lack of skills.
Over the next few months, I worked mostly with Johnny and Asease (sole programmer of the project at the time, and also my mentor, who was always open to teach me things, despite my stubborn and difficult character). They showed me their creations, later their ideas, and we worked together to bring some of them to light, and that's when the cardgame was created. It was my very first project on the team, where I did art for the cards, Johnny did writing and sounds, and Asease programmed the logic for the mini game.
While we were working on this, the other two members of the team, MadMerlin (lead writer) and Soggy (the lead artist) focused on the main content they wanted to add to the game to push the narrative forward.
As I begun learning the dynamic of the group, I was told that there was no leadership as the team leader, has been gone for a time now, and with no one brave enough to take over the finances, they were all working pro bono, out of passion for the game.
That's right, for the longest time nobody was getting paid for their work, using their own personal resources to fund this project.
As our ambitions grew, so did the costs, and it was becoming increasingly difficult trying to work on the game, AND work our daily jobs at the same time in order to pay our bills and to buy food. After some talks, we urged one member with highest seniority in the group to open up a patreon page for the project, and finally, they did.
After few more months, we've finally begun having a budget. It wasn't much, but it was enough to pay the artist for a few commissions a month, as that's what we struggled with the most. However, it was not enough to even consider paying other members of the team for their time.
By the time we finally got some budget to spend, instead of compensating everyone currently on the team, we decided to spend it to hire another artist, so that the game may grow and not stagnate as the current artist was getting burned out quickly, and we could not afford to lose them.
So, with two artists on board, we begun moving rather quickly with the development, and despite our struggles and limited options, I think we did remarkably, keeping the project alive and well.
As time went by, unfortunately, some of the members of the team decided to part ways with the project, which is not uncommon in this line of work, as the stigma alone for being a PORN GAME DEV, is enough to steer people clear of ever becoming a part of a project like ours, but I digress.
It was a difficult time for the project, as with two important people being gone, and with us not being able to work on the project as much due to our living conditions (I was working in a warehouse at the time), we could not afford to put more hours into it, without our lives being severly affected.
First, we tried looking for another artist willing to take over, and after speaking to a bunch of people, we asked them to draw some examples so we could show it to the community and let them decide which artist they prefer.
To the surprise of absolutely no one, the community, almost unanimously agreed that no artist cuts it in terms of style or expections they had for them. Welp, that put us in a conundrum. We could either ignore the community and hire an artist we thought was most fiting with us, risking pissing off the very same community that would give us funds allowing us to hire the artist in the first place; Or we would be left with no artist, but the community would be 'happy', although not for long if we didn't provide any substantial updates that included artwork.
In the end, we decided to pick the third option, and begun looking for an artist once again, but we were in for a long haul. As the reality set in, we knew it could be weeks, or even months, before we find a suitable artist, but it was a key moment for the project, and if we didn't do anything, it would simply die on its own.
A decision was made, we decided to split the stack and share the budget we've had saved so far, so we could put more of our time into the project, without worrying about our own personal finances as much.
In late 2019, after almost a year of free work, I got my first paycheck. A whooping £250 pounds (About $300 USD). It wasn't much, not even enough to cover the electricity cost (and coffee lol), but I was very happy with it, as it allowed me to take some days off work in the next month, and focus solely on the project. Thankfully my daily job employer was very accomodating. Other remaining members received similar compensation.
The project now moved forward twice as fast as before, and we finally had the time and energy to actually plan things, instead of doing whatever we felt like doing. Our budget still wasn't stable, but the more work we put into it, the better the reception of the community, and so our budget grew, and by the time we finally got a response from an artist we were interested in, we had saved enough money to commission them for the next few months at least, and we did.
In the meantime, I started picking up on artwork and programming skills, but while my creativity was high, my hands weren't up for the job in the artwork department at least. Programming was less of an issue for me. I started slow, simply by editing outfits, then trying to come up with new designs, most of which never made it into the game due to quality concerns as I was worried about the reception.
With time, the artist we hired begun outputting artwork at a decent pace, and the community reception seemed positive for the most part, of course, you cannot win them all, that'd be futile, so we also got some negative feedback, which we tried to learn from it, and address it internally.
As we thought we finally were in the comfortable place, another artist had to part ways with us, due to personal health reasons, which I'm not going to talk about.
A pattern started to emerge, and made us realize that artwork, or any other form of contribution for that matter, is an absolute bane of not only this project, but ALL creative projects. The number of creative people willing to contribute is disproportional to the number of people playing your game, or a mod. Not only that, but some communities may also include people known as freeloaders, who no matter how much effort you put into your project, they will always shit all over it, and will never support you, be it through (actualy sensible) feedback, good word, not to mention financially.
It does not matter if you make art commissions, music, games, mods, or any other creative outlets you may have. There will always be someone who you can never win over, no matter how hard you try, and despite their vocal dislike of your work, often bordering of hate, they are still consuming your content like a junkie.
I haven't mentioned it to anyone outside of the few close to me, but at one point, my mother got cancer. The news ended up making me depressed, and the only outlet for my stress was through the creative work I did for this project, but finding and reading all the hateful and spiteful comments while I was going through a hard time, it did not help at all. Soon enough, my mother needed daily care due to all the treatment that was basically slowly killing her, so she moved in with me, so I could take better care of her.
My anxiety rose, and so did my determination to prove everyone wrong, so I worked my daily job in the early morning, then cared for my sick parent in the afternoons, and I worked on this project in the evenings and nights, often sleeping as less as 3 hours a day, this lasted for months, until finally, my body could take no more.
Finally, I collapsed, and was hospitalized. It was unsettling, not so much due to my own well-being, but primarily for the sake of my dear ones, as I've never pondered upon the aftermath if I were to be gone before my time.
When you recollect the time we put more content out, more updates, and faster, you think of it as a good memory, but when I think about, I see nothing but my mother's and my health deteriorating, my social life becoming nonexistent, the constant reminder of a ticking clock, and myself becoming numb with all the exhaustion, anxiety, depression, and stress.
It was so stupid of me, it was reckless, and the only thing I have proved is that I'm a dumbass for trying to prove a point to someone, who would never even think that there's a living human being, with their own wants, problems, and needs, that they're shitting all over them and their work. All for what?
That was one of the turning points in my life, the second one was when my mother passed away, it happened this september.
So, the next time you think about accusing someone of something so vile, consider that maybe, just maybe, something in their life happened, that made them change the course, or that perhaps they need time.
As for those few spiteful jerks who engage in such actions due their lack of empathy, I offer you an honest Fuck You.