Promising and so far, not terrible Engrish like so many games found here. One criticism so far(just made it to second day, morning), maybe certain feelings are a bit too fast. See attached...
I agree as well. I joined the Dev when he was almost finished with the 0.2 update. The dialogue was already set in stone, I just did my best to try to slow down the dialogue. The original script sometimes had dialogue that was a bit too on the nose and a bit too soon for the characters involved. I've since talked to the Dev and he agreed that some of it was too fast. Believe me, I pulled back on what she said originally.
The reason it doesn't have Engrish is because I cleaned it up Native English Speaker. Just don't tell me to speak/write Spanish, or I'll have a panic attack. Adios and Gracias!
Promising and so far, not terrible Engrish like so many games found here. One criticism so far(just made it to second day, morning), maybe certain feelings are a bit too fast. See attached...
I just finished playing the game. It's good so far, but I have some suggestions.
I think the MC should be able to spank Chloe, ideally with different options available in terms of harshness (in comparison to Maddie in Radiant, for example). Since the other girls don't seem to trust or like Chloe as much anyway the MC could possibly get away with doing quite a bit to Chloe without the other girls noticing or believing her or taking her side if she said anything.
Also, the MC could use what Vanessa said about her husband as a pretext to search her house for her. In so doing he could find something that he could use as evidence to blackmail her and/or Hannah so that he could punish Hannah too. So far, Hannah seems to be the only girl who might trust Chloe over the MC so it could be useful if the MC could pressure her into not saying anything.
Alternatively, the MC could use whatever he finds to blackmail that cop that Vanessa mentioned into helping the MC clear his name and then maybe get money from the government for being falsely convicted. That would allow him to support himself and to help Tegan pay her mortgage if there were any issues with it.
The MC could also have such a nice romance with Vanessa that she agrees to let him spank her daughter, Hannah, whenever he says its necessary.
Some freaking great ideas! Some of them are a bit ambitious considering we're looking at doing some rewriting and general quality of life changes. But I'm glad that you enjoyed it!
As far as spanking Chloe goes, if you are in the Corruption path, at the end of day 2 you have a dream of spanking her.
Now the corruption system is a bit wonky. It's a bit too hard to get it, I say that as a player. I'll talk to the Dev about it.
Thanks for feedback!
Thanks for the patch. I'm a cowriter to this game now. I reworked all the dialogue. Sorry for having to make you change it everytime, but I think you know it needed to be done. The original script was... all over the place.
If it helps, I tried my best when rewriting to not make the Step situation the only way. In my head and in my writing... they ARE family
The Dev just needs Patreon insurance. Just in case.
Thanks a lot! The general story, what the characters DO, the general dialogue, is by Wetdreamwalker. However, I massively changed the way ALL the text was presented. If I were to give you an example... Actually, I'll just take some text that I worked on. I don't think the Dev would mind For context, the MC just woke up from an "interesting" dream about Tegan and he tells her that he had a nightmare/weird dream.
So the above is fairly simple. It communicates a lot of information (too much maybe), and it's a little stilted in terms of dialogue. I went in and tried not to change what needs to be said, but still enough to give a better more full conversation. I also gave a Tegan some dialogue that I felt would fit her personality. A caring person that is selfless but still teases her sisters.
I just cleaned up the language, added some personality and added a few extra lines that adds to the MC's past and relates to the new character. I did this to ground the characters to the world a bit more where prior the characters felt floaty. Where the original dialogue is serviceable to understand the situation, the new dialogue (I hope) gives a better feeling for the characters involved. While this example doesn't show the rewriting process as much, I think it's more understandable for sure. I did do a LOT of rewriting, so I'll take the praise where I can get it
Thank you for going in excruciating detail describing what you exactly did. I'll be honest with you, I've been asking because I might have a script that needs the same treatment (well, minus the spellcheck). Every single sentence down to the specific (operative) words is purpose built, and I lack volume, the story is concluded in ~250k characters. I have no idea how to write filler sentences (which might sound ironic with how verbose I tend to be), and yours are the type that aren't just irrelevant banter, but actually interesting to read.
Please shoot me a PM if you're interested, your profile is private.
I want to make an animation but i need to develop the technical tools first.
A 1-second animation consists of 30 images. Currently, even my shortest renderings are 40 minutes.
And there are 3-4 hour renderings in the game as well. A 10-year-old laptop is so capable.
I like this game, the only think that I just don't get is how the F*ck the girls even remember him, like the blonde girl remember that he read to her when she was what? 2 years old? maybe I'm wrong cause english is not my first language.
well, I like the game and I hope to see more of it, so good luck and good work.
I like this game, the only think that I just don't get is how the F*ck the girls even remember him, like the blonde girl remember that he read to her when she was what? 2 years old? maybe I'm wrong cause english is not my first language.
well, I like the game and I hope to see more of it, so good luck and good work.
Blonde daughter is hot. She reminds me of Jane from Dr. Amana, Sexual Therapist but with an innocent streak.
The writing isn't bad and I like the fact that he's still being written as feeling guilty about what happened and still unsure of his place in their life. I don't want him to stay a moping whiner for the entire story but to move on fast would be somewhat unreasonable given how long he was away but that's just me.
Good luck finding a reasonably priced gpu. The prices are still insane.
Thanks for the patch. I'm a cowriter to this game now. I reworked all the dialogue. Sorry for having to make you change it everytime, but I think you know it needed to be done. The original script was... all over the place.
If it helps, I tried my best when rewriting to not make the Step situation the only way. In my head and in my writing... they ARE family
The Dev just needs Patreon insurance. Just in case.
Game really my cup of tea and will be glad to see more.
But scene of first meeting with Chloe need to be redone. It have too much vibe of mnf. Inspiration its good but that scene just copy-paste and its harder to feel Chloe's character when you remember mnf as reading this VN.
Blonde daughter is hot. She reminds me of Jane from Dr. Amana, Sexual Therapist but with an innocent streak.
The writing isn't bad and I like the fact that he's still being written as feeling guilty about what happened and still unsure of his place in their life. I don't want him to stay a moping whiner for the entire story but to move on fast would be somewhat unreasonable given how long he was away but that's just me.
Good luck finding a reasonably priced gpu. The prices are still insane.
Yup, and its been confirmed that prices for gpu's are going to keep going up for at least a year.
I even heard talks about hording old and abused graphic cards, not sure why but my guess is they demolish them and sell the component they need back to factory's.
Any reason the MC looks like he's almost 50 while he's supposed to be in his late 30s or something? Idk if it's just me, but it's mainly his hair since we don't really see too much of his face.
Patreon will still ban for step-cest; you've got to write them as being completely unrelated, hence the tired old landlord/lady > tenant terminology. It'd be better if the roles had editable values that the player could set at the beginning.
Native English Speaker. Just don't tell me to speak/write Spanish, or I'll have a panic attack. Adios and Gracias!
