I am not sure this is for me. I guess I'm one of those book readers who says the book is better.
... How do you remove the opening rape scene and still call it a Dance with Rogues.
No seriously, that scene is there to destroy the image of being a princess. You aren't pure anymore, and there is no hope of being a princess. You are just a common girl now, no hope for being special. Giving up on that is what allows you to become a spy willing to fuck to get what she wants. This makes things complicated early on since you have to write each early sex scene twice. One if she is a virgin and one in which she isn't... Or are you just going to ignore that??? This is a minor thing but it creates a whole bag of worms.
Outside that, the writing is fine, it would be nice to have more images to pose the scenes. Have an image of Master Nathan when you talk to him and such. Image of the harbor when you travel there and such. The ambiance needs work in general. At least you have sounds, which is a nice touch.
I'll be honest, how are you going to have a game that has a ton of sexual abuse in it when you cut it out. If it was just that scene, then sure, but the game is full of it. I see trouble ahead, I hope I am wrong and I wish you luck Patches.