Thus far it looks pretty good... I can see a lot of promise in both the story telling and visuals... The story itself is intriguing... There were a couple moments where it felt like it jumped from one scene to another a bit too quickly, which makes the story feel a bit rushed in those moments, but that can be worked out... The erotic scene at the end also was very short, and felt a bit rushed... But it's overall looking like it's developing well... I went ahead and posted my review...
As far as advice, the best thing I can tell you is stay true to your creative vision and story... Do not be influenced too much by overzealous and paying fans by giving away any creative control over the story direction, and things you plan to add... If you want to involve your paying fans in the creative process at all, let it be on cosmetic stuff... Like clothes, hair styles, character names, or stuff like you pre-generating some visuals for the fans to pick from as the one you'll use, etc... If you allow fans any sort of creative control over things like story elements, plot direction, and stuff that effects the flow of the project, you run a high risk of ruining the overall experience for all your fans, just to please a few folks who give you money... We've all seen it happen too many times for it to not be an issue that happens a lot... So just be careful, and make it how you want to make it...
Another piece of advice is to be open to all feedback, bad or good, and don't take negative things to heart... Learn and grow, and use advice as you see fit to use it... Remember that it's your baby, and you are in control...
Beyond all that, keep on trucking along... I look forward to seeing how this VN/game continues to develop... Best of luck...