VN Ren'Py Completed Avalon [v8.2] [Lockheart]

[RustyV]

I like the Avalon has recolored her hair, oddly more red like Byron and would like to see Avalon grow her hair out.
And spank Dallas. Yes I think Avalon needs to give Dallas a good spanking. And then the oral sex.

Actually I would be OK with those two girls having a relationship first that gives Avalon security. Then she could move into one with Byron.

 

[Lockheart]

damn avas so adorable anyway it seems. Althought I do agree that hair just doesnt look quite right. I do vote she should keep growing it out tho.

Spoiler

You don't have permission to view the spoiler content. Log in or register now.

Uh yeah, i can see why. Pretty sure that happened to me too

Strangely enough, the first render of Dallas with her tatas out I messed up. I accidentally applied her freckles twice so they look much more pronounced. It looked so damn good, I kept it. But yeah, the lighting is darker and warmer in the first. And I've been working with that type of lighting more lately. I think we'll see more renders like that first picture in the future.

I like the Avalon has recolored her hair, oddly more red like Byron and would like to see Avalon grow her hair out.
And spank Dallas. Yes I think Avalon needs to give Dallas a good spanking. And then the oral sex.

Actually I would be OK with those two girls having a relationship first that gives Avalon security. Then she could move into one with Byron.

I'm not sure how I could grow her hair out. I'd have to add extensions or something too it. But if enough people want to see a different hairstyle, I'd be down to figure something out! I sort of regret the hair I gave her. Maybe I'll make a poll!

 

[Fenix34]

I think we'll see more renders like that first picture in the future.

Honestly I think it looked better, so this is good news. Glad you kept it originally, and should prob try doing it again.

I sort of regret the hair I gave her. Maybe I'll make a poll!

Def shouldnt regret it, her hair style is pretty great. It could be a long term thing that happens over time. But a good long hair down reveal would be a good indication of her healing and as a 'breaking free' moment.....or maybe ive just watched frozen 2 recently.

 

[Bulb69]

Yeah, Penny is a very special character. I'm glad she's getting more love now. She's going to be a lot of fun in future Acts.

Sorry if my response is late.

If Penny, one day, go to have is howne spinoff. I'm already buy it. The character as a potential over the category gold mine.

But no emergency. An hidden gem is already on the pot.Is called Avalon.

 

[Lockheart]

Sorry if my response is late.

If Penny, one day, go to have is howne spinoff. I'm already buy it. The character as a potential over the category gold mine.

But no emergency. An hidden gem is already on the pot.Is called Avalon.

Oh you like Penny!? You have no idea how giddy I get when people tell me they love her. I have been toying with the idea of her own game because there is so much potential with her. She's my secret crush.

If you like Penny, you're going to love Act 5. I'm going to focus a bit more on her in this Act and I'm going to introduce the 'Main Villian'. I'm actually working on a scene with Penny right now and it's so good! And it's a little bit sexy too.

 

[Bulb69]

I'm just finding out. Avalon just picked up his stuff at his mother's house...
And I love it.
The dialogues, really talented. Every two or three sentences I find that they are really pearls, expressions, puns that are really chiseled. I think I'd like to read a book written by the person who wrote this!
The images too, the characters: expressions, the models, really out of the ordinary coming from .
A game where you feel less beastly than usual, finer, more sensual and sensitive. It's more than a game to just jerk off. It's more than just a game to jerk off, it's even something to keep in mind when you don't feel like jerking off.

"Hats off to the artist"

====
Je découvre seulement. Avalon vient juste de récupérer ses affaires chez sa mère....
Et j'adore.
Les dialogues, vraiment talentueux. Toutes les deux ou trois phrases je trouve que ce sont vraiment des perles, des expressions, des jeux de mot qui sont vraiment ciselés. Je crois bien que j'aimerais lire un bouquin écrit par la personne qui a écrit ça !
Les images aussi, les personnages : des expressions, les modèles, vraiment en dehors du tout venant .
Un jeu où on se sent moins bestial que d'habitude, plus fin, plus sensuel et sensible. C'est plus qu'un jeu pour se branler. Euh voire même un truc à réserver quand on n'a pas impérativement envie de se branler.

"Chapeau bas l'artiste"

Je me suis fait cette réflexion. Avalon serais vachement dur à traduire en Français. En comparaison du VN lambda. Ça prend une fichus maîtrise de la langue pour pouvoir faire ça. Très loin d'une traduction à la machine. Je sais de quoi je parle.

Pour moi c'est une preuve supplémentaire de la qualité d'écriture.

*****

I think about this. The French translation of Avalon as, probably, a pain in the ass. If you compare to generic VN. It takes a damn knowledge of the language to be able to do that. Very far to machine translation. I know about what i talk.

For me, is another proof of writing quality.

 

[Bulb69]

Let me be more explicit. Humor is the worst to do in translation.

People think just need to put the text on Google translate and is done. Wrong! Translate a text textually is the worst to do. In English a word be have a lot of definition. In French is the opposite. A definition can have a lot of word to tell it. Depending context.

If you take a paragraph in English and translate it textually. Your paragraph can be having the double of original size easily.

This is why is the story, the author intention, is spirit, etc as translated and not exactly the words.

Humor as build around is cultural context. Humor without this is rare. And a gag translating textually have any punch and lost all is flavor. And do not forget the cultural context is frequently uncknow for people in other country.

We have to adapt it. Without forget to respect the author intention and keep is spirit intact. Few time just minor change is need. Other time, we need to replace it by another gag in the same spirit. All of this with keep caution to not add too more text.

Never translate a gag. Adapt it!

Pain in the ass i said...

And the text is so smart. Is really hard to keep all of this in translation.

A cheap text is easy to translate. A rich text is hard. And now we talk about a story quality far over rich text.

This is why i said is a proof of quality.

 

[Lockheart]

Humor as build around is cultural context.

Absolutely, humor is very often only understood if you have an understanding of the culture. A lot of my humor is very 'American', honestly. I have limited knowledge of other cultures unfortunately.

I hope I can get my game translated one day into other languages. But again, you're completely right and I think some of the jokes would have to be adapted to fit the culture that the language is based around.

 

[Bulb69]

Absolutely, humor is very often only understood if you have an understanding of the culture. A lot of my humor is very 'American', honestly. I have limited knowledge of other cultures unfortunately.

I hope I can get my game translated one day into other languages. But again, you're completely right and I think some of the jokes would have to be adapted to fit the culture that the language is based around.

My chance is i'm born raise and live in French in Québec Province (North frontier of New-York State). I'm american, is why i understand the great majority of US reference. But i have a French culture. I'm in position to be a bridge with Europe and North America. Why do you think the success of Cirque du Soleil, Robert Lepage, Céline Dion, Come from? Our feet is at the boot place.

For me the challenge is translate in international French. To be understanded in all country talked French, If i have to translate in Québécois. The French talked here. Is not a big problem.

But all that is for show the quality of your writing. Because a cheap text is never a challenge to translate.

And for the translation. Don't rush on it. One day you find on your email the french translation made by a volunteer do it by passion. For now, you don't have already the visibility needed for interested a translator. If my prevision as correct. Have the great chance you raise your visibility over 10 000 players in six month maximum.

If you fell to receive advices and suggestions for visibility marketing. I'm happy to talk about this in private. I have few hidden ability i don't want to show in public.

 

[Lockheart]

I'm a little on the fence here so I wanted to get outside opinions. Thoughts?

 

[Rock&Rule]

I didn't realize Penny was that much shorter than her. Now I kinda want to see her with Octavia. Doing something lewd for pure scientific purposes.

 

[Lockheart]

I didn't realize Penny was that much shorter than her. Now I kinda want to see her with Octavia. Doing something lewd for pure scientific purposes.

I'm going to start the monogamy path relationship between Octavia and Penny in this next Act.

 

[Sgt Oberon]

View attachment 602772

I'm a little on the fence here so I wanted to get outside opinions. Thoughts?

The style gives off an older look, definitely a good look. Might be from the game play, but I love the original hair/look. However, keeping the length the same alternate styles based on her mood or attire of the day would be a nice option.

 

[Lockheart]

The style gives off an older look, definitely a good look. Might be from the game play, but I love the original hair/look. However, keeping the length the same alternate styles based on her mood or attire of the day would be a nice option.

I completely agree, it does make her look older. And that's really not quite what I'm going for. I'm going to go a different direction.

Thanks for the feedback, Sgt! It really helps!

 

[RustyV]

View attachment 602772

I'm a little on the fence here so I wanted to get outside opinions. Thoughts?

Avalon's hair looks cute. I may be biased since I like longer hair on younger women, but Avalon's shorter hair makes her look older than a recent High School grad. But that's really between Avalon, and boyfriend Byron and of course her girlfriend Dallas.

Penny's definitely makes her look old enough to be Avalon's mother. It makes her features look too severe.

 

[RustyV]

But then I'd like to see Avalon and Dallas playing ping pong.
Only without the table and net and ball. Just Avalon spanking Dallas with the paddle.

 

[Lockheart]

But then I'd like to see Avalon and Dallas playing ping pong.
Only without the table and net and ball. Just Avalon spanking Dallas with the paddle.

Lol. I'll see if I can get in some spanking scenes.

 

[RustyV]

 

[KoGa3]

View attachment 602772

I'm a little on the fence here so I wanted to get outside opinions. Thoughts?

Maybe you can change her age a little with the hair colour, in blonde she looks younger again in my opinion.
And Penny's hair could also have wilder colors (but may be too eye-catching for a detective...)

 

[Lockheart]

Maybe you can change her age a little with the hair colour, in blonde she looks younger again in my opinion.
And Penny's hair could also have wilder colors (but may be too eye-catching for a detective...)
View attachment 604326

I still haven't gotten to play around with Penny in Disguise. But once I find the right scene for that, we'll definitely see more unique versions of Penny. It should be a lot of fun!

I do like Blondes! I agree with what everyone has said so far, she does look much older this way. I was mostly just playing around with the idea of changing Avalon's hairstyle. For now, I'm going to leave it the same.

I like Pink Hair Penny though!