VN Ren'Py Completed Avalon [v8.2] [Lockheart]

[Lockheart]

To the wonderful people of F95,

We've officially launched our Patreon page! This is an enormous leap forward for our possible future career as a novelist. We're very excited to share with you that there is Patreon only content that you can enjoy for supporting us. The first episode of Myrabelle is available to second tier Patrons and The Time Collect, a scrapped project, is available to third tier subscribers.

I want to quickly touch on what you can expect from the next Act of Avalon. A lot of our readers have questioned some of Avalon's actions due to her traumatic experience. We're introducing a new character who is going to help us understand a little better why Avalon is interested in sex and what sex means to her.

We've also had some positive responses to Penny. We're going to start exploring Penny more and with that, also Byron's father whom Penny will have conflict with. We've already made a scene we are extremely proud of with Penny. One major complaint from the community is that we've revealed the thoughts of too many characters. Going back and moving forward, we're going to have scenes with Penny that are simply sequences of images without her thoughts. These images will attempt to tell you what's going on without words. It's a very Wall-E approach, and we want to hear how you guys feel about these scenes. Please let us know!

We hope you enjoy and continue to enjoy our work. Thanks so much for all your support!

 

[Smarmint]

One major complaint from the community is that we've revealed the thoughts of too many characters. Going back and moving forward, we're going to have scenes with Penny that are simply sequences of images without her thoughts. These images will attempt to tell you what's going on without words. It's a very Wall-E approach, and we want to hear how you guys feel about these scenes. Please let us know!

Hmm. Why is that bad? I really like how your characters are developing so far. I think it brings the player closer to the characters to understand what they are thinking.

Are you sure the complaints were widespread enough to change your approach? I've read your posts on other threads where you warn about listening to complaints too much and potentially making a game worse. There are always complainers, but really it is usually just a small number of vocal people, not a representative of your fan base. Plus, most of us are not professional game developers or have great skills in writing dialog or believable stories, so I'd take any criticism with a giant grain of salt (or just ignore it). I think unless it is overwhelming (think My Sister, My Roomate) from lots of people who previously liked your story, stick to your guns with how you want your story to be, and how it should be told. We are all here because we like what you've done so far.

A "Wall-E" approach does not sound like a step forward to me.

 

[Lockheart]

Are you sure the complaints were widespread enough to change your approach?

You're right. It's important to listen to the majority. Thinking about it though, the main characters are Byron and Avalon. I don't necessarily disagree that we should only hear their thoughts. It's tricky with Penny because several of her scenes are just her sneaking around so without her thoughts present, well, we've only really got images to tell you whats going on. It's kind of a neat challenge though. Trying to tell a story strictly with images is actually sort of fun. But if it's not well received, I'll certainly come up with something else. This is my first story so I'm just sort of feeling things out right now.

Releasing games on F95 is tricky because I've noticed people have a tendency to expect first person storytelling and I'm trying to do a third person story. I want us to explore all the characters because they all have interesting and fun stories to experience.

Avalon isn't very popular right now and I'm trying desperately to change that. While my stories wont fundamentally change and there will always be exceptional dialogue, fun characters and compelling stories, I do need subtle changes to increase popularity. I'm up for suggestions!

But you're right, one hundred percent. I shouldn't listen to every Negative Nancy that pops a negative review onto my page. I'm going to try to toughen up! I promise!

 

[Smarmint]

Well, I think you are doing an awesome job and Avalon has a of potential. I'm with you. I am really surprised that Avalon doesn't seem as popular here as some games, with a similar scope. It's hard to know how popular it actually is without a Patreon account, so that is a big step up, congrats on setting it up.

I am trying to think of some of my favorite games here that are popular, but that aren't huge team efforts that a single dev in his or her free time can't match (Dr. Pink Cake, Philly Games) and think about what might make them so. Here are a few summaries of what I am thinking of. Maybe others here will chime in with what they think. I don't think that details of how characters express themselves will make a big difference either way. Your dialog is already really good, not superficial or simplistic like a lot of games, so I think you are already ahead of the game there. Here are a few of my thoughts of games with a similar scope that might be useful. There are some spoilers if you or others haven't played the games, so I'm putting these thoughts behind tags.

Spoiler: Bad Memories

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Spoiler: Freeloading Family

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Spoiler: Light of my Life

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Spoiler: Unleashed

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This turned out to be a a wall of text, so sorry about that . I think the one thing that these all, except for FF, have in common is a few compelling characters with hidden depths to their personalities that the player has to tease out over each update. There is also an overall mystery to the characters' motivations or the situation the MC finds himself in. This combination of wanting to know more about the characters and what is really going on, attract and keep fans anxiously awaiting for future updates to slowly reveal the mysteries.

I am not sure how any of this applies to Avalon, but you said you are looking to make subtle changes to increase it popularity, so maybe something here might give you some ideas. I am not encouraging you to make any huge changes, because I like what you have a lot. But if you are looking for ideas for future development, perhaps you could slowly start to reveal a characters' backstory in a compelling way (Perhaps Penny, Octavia, or Dallas) that keeps fans wanting to know more. Actually, Avalon herself would be a good possibility. Perhaps something in her past that the player would like to know more about?

I will probably get yelled at by some on here, but if I were you I would keep the sexual progress of the MC and Avalon slow. The teasing is great, but I wouldn't rush a full sexual relationship. In a lot of games here, the quality of the story and interest of the fans drops a lot once the MC and main character finally go all the way. Think of Haley's Story, Dating my Daughter, or Babysitter. These stories got a little (or a lot in the case of DmD) boring afterwords. I think the anticipation was what kept fans interested. There are definitely exceptions. Freeloading Family, Where the Heart Is, and Mother's Love are still great.

Anyway, this is all just one person's perspective. Your story is great as it is, and I am going to closely follow it no matter what you do , so like I said, I wouldn't make huge changes, but maybe something here will give you some ideas for tweaks in the future.

 

[Lockheart]

you said you are looking to make subtle changes to increase it popularity

Thank you for your detailed reply, Smarmint. I'm pretty sure the games you listed all had a spot on the front page of F95, at least for a time. And I'm sure that really helps! Hopefully I'll be able to make it onto there eventually.

Avalon is really just a stepping stone for me. I never intended to make a story this simple but I needed my first novel to be something I could learn and grow with. Hopefully in the future, we'll see much more complicated and detailed stories.

I might start releasing the Acts in parts just to get Avalon on the Recent Releases page more often. I'm sure that would help though I really like having full Acts for people to play.

We'll see! Marketing is my weakness so I'm probably going to find a way to outsource that at some point. I'm still in the beginning stages of all this so I want to get everything setup, flesh out Avalon a bit more and then have at least one side project to help curb burnout (Which is currently Myrabelle).

I'm definitely looking to my fans for support, especially in the areas of what you guys like, dislike, want more of, want less of. Ideas, fetishes, complaints, it all helps! The more everyone communicates with me, the better I can do. So I really appreciate you taking the time, Smarmint.

 

[Bulb69]

You're right. It's important to listen to the majority. Thinking about it though, the main characters are Byron and Avalon. I don't necessarily disagree that we should only hear their thoughts. It's tricky with Penny because several of her scenes are just her sneaking around so without her thoughts present, well, we've only really got images to tell you whats going on. It's kind of a neat challenge though. Trying to tell a story strictly with images is actually sort of fun. But if it's not well received, I'll certainly come up with something else. This is my first story so I'm just sort of feeling things out right now.

Releasing games on F95 is tricky because I've noticed people have a tendency to expect first person storytelling and I'm trying to do a third person story. I want us to explore all the characters because they all have interesting and fun stories to experience.

Avalon isn't very popular right now and I'm trying desperately to change that. While my stories wont fundamentally change and there will always be exceptional dialogue, fun characters and compelling stories, I do need subtle changes to increase popularity. I'm up for suggestions!

But you're right, one hundred percent. I shouldn't listen to every Negative Nancy that pops a negative review onto my page. I'm going to try to toughen up! I promise!

You have nothing to change. The story and his structure is perfect like this. The lack of popularity is probably because the good people do not see it now. And hare you seen people shout? NTR! NTR! NTR! Not me.

This is an intelligent story for people with a minimal artistic knowledge. Is far to the usual fapping stuff people search in the first place here.

I have only one advise (to publicly show) Keep the direction and be patient. A popularity and a reputation do not build in number of day or weeks. Is a question of month.

One advice i give regularly to author. Make nothing in fonction of money or popularity. Focus on quality story. The money come by himself with quality and more quality = more money. Do not take time to think about making money.

I finish with my precedent advise. This is your story and your character. Never let anyone take a decision for you. You are the only one with the power to do this . You have a golden mine in your hands. Never let other people destroy is potential.

P.S: i go right now to be your Patreon and i want any candy in exchange. A gift is not a gift if you receive stuff in exchange.

 

[tazaaron]

Im confused by some posts saying its lack of popularity, this game just launched in January of this YEAR.... and its very popular for where its at and the age of the game. Takes time to build up a following and getting 25-50 supporters for earlier versions of a game puts you up near the top. Going from 0 to 500 isnt going to happen.

Story and game is top notch, as far as opinions on changing things i wouldnt read into them much. Most like the game as is and i always say to devs to make and create your own story, stick with yours.

 

[Bulb69]

...

I will probably get yelled at by some on here, but if I were you I would keep the sexual progress of the MC and Avalon slow. The teasing is great, but I wouldn't rush a full sexual relationship. In a lot of games here, the quality of the story and interest of the fans drops a lot once the MC and main character finally go all the way. Think of Haley's Story, Dating my Daughter, or Babysitter. These stories got a little (or a lot in the case of DmD) boring afterwords. I think the anticipation was what kept fans interested. There are definitely exceptions. Freeloading Family, Where the Heart Is, and Mother's Love are still great.

Anyway, this is all just one person's perspective. Your story is great as it is, and I am going to closely follow it no matter what you do , so like I said, I wouldn't make huge changes, but maybe something here will give you some ideas for tweaks in the future.

I share the majority of your opinion but particularly this part. Don't go too fast to the sexual relationship. And tease the much long time possible.

An author never take too much time to install a story. This is not stand up needing one line, one punch. Go to a structure type we develop the mystery during the episode, we solve it at the end and put a cliffhanger to hook people for the next episode. But all of this with the real story in background without rush. Go to structure around release. But take time.

 

[Bulb69]

I'm proud to announce to Lockheart i'm officially her first Patreon!

 

[Lockheart]

You have a golden mine in your hands. Never let other people destroy is potential.

P.S: i go right now to be your Patreon and i want any candy in exchange. A gift is not a gift if you receive stuff in exchange.

Thanks, Bulb! I'm going to keep the story headed in the right direction. I think there's going to be a lot to love in Act 5. I'm excited!

I think you're right about popularity. I'll grow over time. I might be a little impatient. Haha.

Going from 0 to 500 isnt going to happen.

Absolutely true. It will take time. Thanks for your support, Tazaaron.

I'm proud to announce to @Lockheart i'm officially her first Patreon!

Thanks for your patronage, Bulb!

 

[RustyV]

More like Wall-E.
So the cast of Avalon will spontaneously break into singing "Put on Your Sunday Clothes"?
FYI the tall guy by Streisand went on to play the Phantom of the Opera.

IMO your game is set up fine.

 

[Lockheart]

View attachment 606783
More like Wall-E.
So the cast of Avalon will spontaneously break into singing "Put on Your Sunday Clothes"?
FYI the tall guy by Streisand went on to play the Phantom of the Opera.

IMO your game is set up fine.

I would love it if I could get Avalon and the gang to dance to something! That would be amazing! Alas, that animation would be crazy hard and take forever to do.

 

[RustyV]

Well the girls could discover Byron's favorite movie is Hello Dolly.
Dallas could tease him endlessly.

Can't wait for the next update.

 

[Praenuntius]

As I'm a big fan of your game I simply have to put my first post here.

I was a bit shocked as I was reading, that you think about leaving off the thoughts except for Ava und Byron. Exspecially when its just because of a few complaints. I have to say, that the first chapters are (in one word) awesome and you shouldn't change a bit. Simply tell the story as you would like and I'm sure it will stay awesome. So far everything fits just perfect: the behavior of Penny, when she starts to tell her story and also the relationships between Byron, Ava and Dallas.

Please keep up your great work! I wish I had the money to support your project...

PS: I'm no native speaker, so please excuse any mistakes

 

[Lockheart]

Please keep up your great work!

Wow! I can't believe my page is your first post. I kind of popped your cherry, didn't I?

I'm so happy to hear you enjoyed Avalon! I know I seem vulnerable to complaints and that's because.. Well, I totally am! I want everyone to love Avalon and it's hard for me when someone says they don't. I'm learning the hard way that you can't please everyone.

I can assure you that Avalon, and all my games, will remain exceptional despite any changes. I think it's a really interesting challenge to tell Penny's story without her thoughts. I love the idea of telling a story with a sequence of images. And since Avalon is still technically in the Beta stage, I can always make minor alterations if my fans decide they truly don't like something.

Now that you've made your first post, I hope we hear a lot more from you, Praenuntius! I always appreciate fan feedback, especially the compliments!

Thanks for your support!

 

[Praenuntius]

Wow! I can't believe my page is your first post. I kind of popped your cherry, didn't I?

Popping a cherry isn't always the best thing, but this one feels kinda right!

I know I seem vulnerable to complaints and that's because.. Well, I totally am!

Just to make sure: I'm not saying you shouldn't listen to some input, when it fits the story you have in mind. I only wanted to say that the story is great so far as well so your narrative style (I don't know if this is the correct translation, sry ) and I would be dissapointed, if you switch that because of some complaints.

I love the idea of telling a story with a sequence of images.

Then its really simple: go for it!

 

[SilverSoul83]

For me, the greatest strength of your novel is the humor and personality of the characters.
In fact, I liked Penny's earlier and original characterization, reminded me a bit of Sherlock from BBC TV.
The rest of the work is great, you have achieved an emotional and positive novel,taking into account the background of what happened with Avalon

I hope your Patreon grows soon. Keep up the good work.
--
I'm not a native, forgive my mistakes

 

[Lockheart]

For me, the greatest strength of your novel is the humor and personality of the characters.

Thanks, SilverSoul!

 

[Lockheart]

Sun Mei - She only has a small role in Avalon but I made her so darn cute, I just had to do a photo of her.

 

[Sgt Oberon]

View attachment 608541

Sun Mei - She only has a small role in Avalon but I made her so darn cute, I just had to do a photo of her.

Well Helllllllo, Cutie pie! Sign me up for two of her to go please.