VN Ren'Py Completed Avalon [v8.2] [Lockheart]

4.20 star(s) 109 Votes
Discussion Reviews (109)
Lockheart

Lockheart

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botc76 said:
I'll give it a try, but it better be damn well romantic and well-written, if there is no sexual content and none will come. :cool:
I played and play many Japanese VNs with low sexual content, but only the best without ANY sexual content.
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It won't disappoint, I promise!
thanks for the demos said:
Love the models for Ava and Dallas.
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I'll have to wait for a mod though (or the option to skip plotlines we're not interested in, in case it moves on from being a kinetic novel), because the entire rapist investigation made me wish for the option to say "Nope, this is a dumb idea. Spend more time being nice/sassy to your adorable not-niece and her cute, shit-talking girlfriend instead".

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Anyway, good luck with the project.
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I'm so glad you like Dallas, I got a lot of negative reactions from friends regarding her. It was really disheartening. And thank for for the great catches on the typos! I'll fix those right away!

I knew some people wouldn't like the plot. It was a difficult decision to go that route. I felt there had to be some sort of peril and drama. My next story will be a lot different though, for sure. Thank you for taking the time to experience Avalon!


a1fox3 said:
Very minor sexual content so the tag of "No Sexual Content" should be removed.

Using a vibrator on a girl breast and her nipple to boot even when clothed is still sexual content.
1 girl groping another girls breast and playing with her nipple when clothed is still sexual content.
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I agree. But people generally associate the sexual content with the ability to please themselves to it, and you really can't to this story right now. But if you feel it's not right to have it, I respect that decision! Thanks for the input.
 
a1fox3

a1fox3

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Lockheart said:
I agree. But people generally associate the sexual content with the ability to please themselves to it, and you really can't to this story right now. But if you feel it's not right to have it, I respect that decision! Thanks for the input.
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I forgot to mention the spanking that is also considered "sexual content".
Still is minor but with 3 different scene with minor sexual content the tag needs to be removed.

"No Sexual Content" tag removed.
 
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a1fox3

a1fox3

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nyarlathothep said:
No incest?
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The mother's adopted brother, this could be considered incest per tag rule.
Incest [Sex act between family relatives, including those not related by blood.]

For now no tag because of no real sex yet.
 
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ontach

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botc76 said:
Half the people here throw a fit though, if you include tags that aren't even in the game for now.
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We definitely need a system where the dev/ uploader can put up two sets of tags, one current and one proposed. It is nice to be able to get an idea of where a game is going - imagine the furore if after the nth update we are suddenly confronted with the dreaded NTR tag. o_O :ROFLMAO:
 
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a1fox3

a1fox3

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ontach said:
We definitely need a system where the dev/ uploader can put up two sets of tags, one current and one proposed. It is nice to be able to get an idea of where a game is going - imagine the furore if after the nth update we are suddenly confronted with the dreaded NTR tag. o_O :ROFLMAO:
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Its already set up that way, at the top were the tags are is suppose to be what is in the game/VN as it is now and the Genre: is what is in and what is planed to be in at the end of the game/VN.
 
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ontach

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a1fox3 said:
Its already set up that way, at the top were the tags are is suppose to be what is in the game/VN as it is now and the Genre: is what is in and what is planed to be in at the end of the game/VN.
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Maybe, but does anyone actually use it like that? In most cases the tags at the top of the page are simply listed again under the genre spoiler. We need a system with two separate rows - current and upcoming. As and when a tag actually appears in game, it can be moved from the upcoming row to the current row.

In this case, the Genre list of tags shows No Sexual Content. What are we supposed to make of that? Is it referring to current status or does it mean there will be no sexual content in the game, ever?
 
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ptahn

ptahn

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From some of the comments, I get the impression that the niece was raped and that is why she is "broken"? Is that correct? Because I have no interest in the story if that is the case.
 
botc76

botc76

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Well, the joke right at the beginning is right up my alley already. :)
And I know the "ease dropped" thing wasn't intentional, but it made me laugh nonetheless.

Okay, I like the humour, I like the quips, but the constant barrage of them is just a bit too much. It started to get on my nerves pretty fast. Which is bad, because it chipped away at the sympathy I felt for the characters.

Some of your spelling errors or wrong words were hilariously funny (see ease dropped above), some were just weird.
I am not sure I know what Byron wanted to tell his godawful sister when they went to pick up Ava's stuff.
"You are encouragable" WTH is that supposed to mean? :)

All in all, it was fun. It wasn't badly written, though the writing did feel a bit awkward at times, the renders are alright, Dallas and Avalon are cute as buttons.
It was fun playing and I'm looking forward to more.

There are a few thing, like the constant banter, that weren't that great.

I don't mind the rape story, but why is the rapist black? Seems like a weird coincidence that the crazy father and daughter duo are the only black characters in there. I'm not accussing you of anything, but that was honestly what I was wondering once he appeared.

Also, the guy acts like some sort of b-film villain, the whole thing with him knowing Byron and being proud of what he did, tranquing the guy and all, that just seemed so OTT and you seemed to be going for a relatively grounded story.

The last thing would be that the moods of the characters swing too fast, they seem to go from one extreme to the next in a way too short time.

Don't get me wrong. I think this is a strong first effort and I am glad I played it.
Please consider seeing this as constructive criticism, you decided not to go for a straight porn story and as such of course the story-telling will be under a bit harder judgement.
 
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Lockheart

Lockheart

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ptahn said:
From some of the comments, I get the impression that the niece was raped and that is why she is "broken"? Is that correct? Because I have no interest in the story if that is the case.
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Yes, that's the case. I'm sorry to hear you're not interested. I'll try to go with a lighter theme with my next story.
 
ptahn

ptahn

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Lockheart said:
Yes, that's the case. I'm sorry to hear you're not interested. I'll try to go with a lighter theme with my next story.
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Well, you don't list a Patreon page so you're not in it for the money. You should tell whatever story you want, it doesn't matter that I don't personally like it.
 
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4.20 star(s) 109 Votes