VN Ren'Py Completed Avalon [v8.2] [Lockheart]

[Lockheart]

I'll give it a try, but it better be damn well romantic and well-written, if there is no sexual content and none will come.
I played and play many Japanese VNs with low sexual content, but only the best without ANY sexual content.

It won't disappoint, I promise!

Love the models for Ava and Dallas.

Spoiler: Cute

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I'll have to wait for a mod though (or the option to skip plotlines we're not interested in, in case it moves on from being a kinetic novel), because the entire rapist investigation made me wish for the option to say "Nope, this is a dumb idea. Spend more time being nice/sassy to your adorable not-niece and her cute, shit-talking girlfriend instead".

Spoiler: Noticed a few typos and the like

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Anyway, good luck with the project.

I'm so glad you like Dallas, I got a lot of negative reactions from friends regarding her. It was really disheartening. And thank for for the great catches on the typos! I'll fix those right away!

I knew some people wouldn't like the plot. It was a difficult decision to go that route. I felt there had to be some sort of peril and drama. My next story will be a lot different though, for sure. Thank you for taking the time to experience Avalon!

Very minor sexual content so the tag of "No Sexual Content" should be removed.

Using a vibrator on a girl breast and her nipple to boot even when clothed is still sexual content.
1 girl groping another girls breast and playing with her nipple when clothed is still sexual content.

I agree. But people generally associate the sexual content with the ability to please themselves to it, and you really can't to this story right now. But if you feel it's not right to have it, I respect that decision! Thanks for the input.

 

[a1fox3]

I agree. But people generally associate the sexual content with the ability to please themselves to it, and you really can't to this story right now. But if you feel it's not right to have it, I respect that decision! Thanks for the input.

I forgot to mention the spanking that is also considered "sexual content".
Still is minor but with 3 different scene with minor sexual content the tag needs to be removed.

"No Sexual Content" tag removed.

 

[botc76]

I forgot to mention the spanking that is also considered "sexual content".
Still is minor but with 3 different scene with minor sexual content the tag needs to be removed.

"No Sexual Content" tag removed.

I Suggest a "low sexual content" tag. Many other sites for VNs have those.

 

[nyarlathothep]

No incest?

 

[a1fox3]

No incest?

The mother's adopted brother, this could be considered incest per tag rule.
Incest [Sex act between family relatives, including those not related by blood.]

For now no tag because of no real sex yet.

 

[Deleted member 173891]

Please note; there is no graphic sexual content at this time.

ouchhhh...

 

[EvilChef]

By the way. All of the character models look great. Nice to see something fresh for once.

 

[ontach]

Half the people here throw a fit though, if you include tags that aren't even in the game for now.

We definitely need a system where the dev/ uploader can put up two sets of tags, one current and one proposed. It is nice to be able to get an idea of where a game is going - imagine the furore if after the nth update we are suddenly confronted with the dreaded NTR tag.

 

[a1fox3]

We definitely need a system where the dev/ uploader can put up two sets of tags, one current and one proposed. It is nice to be able to get an idea of where a game is going - imagine the furore if after the nth update we are suddenly confronted with the dreaded NTR tag.

Its already set up that way, at the top were the tags are is suppose to be what is in the game/VN as it is now and the Genre: is what is in and what is planed to be in at the end of the game/VN.

 

[Watcher X]

No incest?

No sex

 

[HangTuah]

Act 3, It's a bit dark in there..
Oh well, not my thing, but best of luck to the dev anyway.

 

[ontach]

Its already set up that way, at the top were the tags are is suppose to be what is in the game/VN as it is now and the Genre: is what is in and what is planed to be in at the end of the game/VN.

Maybe, but does anyone actually use it like that? In most cases the tags at the top of the page are simply listed again under the genre spoiler. We need a system with two separate rows - current and upcoming. As and when a tag actually appears in game, it can be moved from the upcoming row to the current row.

In this case, the Genre list of tags shows No Sexual Content. What are we supposed to make of that? Is it referring to current status or does it mean there will be no sexual content in the game, ever?

 

[ptahn]

From some of the comments, I get the impression that the niece was raped and that is why she is "broken"? Is that correct? Because I have no interest in the story if that is the case.

 

[botc76]

Well, the joke right at the beginning is right up my alley already.
And I know the "ease dropped" thing wasn't intentional, but it made me laugh nonetheless.

Okay, I like the humour, I like the quips, but the constant barrage of them is just a bit too much. It started to get on my nerves pretty fast. Which is bad, because it chipped away at the sympathy I felt for the characters.

Some of your spelling errors or wrong words were hilariously funny (see ease dropped above), some were just weird.
I am not sure I know what Byron wanted to tell his godawful sister when they went to pick up Ava's stuff.
"You are encouragable" WTH is that supposed to mean?

All in all, it was fun. It wasn't badly written, though the writing did feel a bit awkward at times, the renders are alright, Dallas and Avalon are cute as buttons.
It was fun playing and I'm looking forward to more.

There are a few thing, like the constant banter, that weren't that great.

I don't mind the rape story, but why is the rapist black? Seems like a weird coincidence that the crazy father and daughter duo are the only black characters in there. I'm not accussing you of anything, but that was honestly what I was wondering once he appeared.

Also, the guy acts like some sort of b-film villain, the whole thing with him knowing Byron and being proud of what he did, tranquing the guy and all, that just seemed so OTT and you seemed to be going for a relatively grounded story.

The last thing would be that the moods of the characters swing too fast, they seem to go from one extreme to the next in a way too short time.

Don't get me wrong. I think this is a strong first effort and I am glad I played it.
Please consider seeing this as constructive criticism, you decided not to go for a straight porn story and as such of course the story-telling will be under a bit harder judgement.

 

[Lockheart]

From some of the comments, I get the impression that the niece was raped and that is why she is "broken"? Is that correct? Because I have no interest in the story if that is the case.

Yes, that's the case. I'm sorry to hear you're not interested. I'll try to go with a lighter theme with my next story.

 

[ontach]

"You are encouragable" WTH is that supposed to mean?

incorrigible.

 

[ptahn]

Yes, that's the case. I'm sorry to hear you're not interested. I'll try to go with a lighter theme with my next story.

Well, you don't list a Patreon page so you're not in it for the money. You should tell whatever story you want, it doesn't matter that I don't personally like it.

 

[botc76]

incorrigible.

Yeah, that was an option, but I really couldn't be sure.

 

[a1fox3]

Yes, that's the case. I'm sorry to hear you're not interested. I'll try to go with a lighter theme with my next story.

Just remember the only one you need to please is yourself, its your story you tell it the way you want to.

 

[Lockheart]

Well, the joke right at the beginning is right up my alley already.
And I know the "ease dropped" thing wasn't intentional, but it made me laugh nonetheless.

Okay, I like the humour, I like the quips, but the constant barrage of them is just a bit too much. It started to get on my nerves pretty fast. Which is bad, because it chipped away at the sympathy I felt for the characters.

Some of your spelling errors or wrong words were hilariously funny (see ease dropped above), some were just weird.
I am not sure I know what Byron wanted to tell his godawful sister when they went to pick up Ava's stuff.
"You are encouragable" WTH is that supposed to mean?

All in all, it was fun. It wasn't badly written, though the writing did feel a bit awkward at times, the renders are alright, Dallas and Avalon are cute as buttons.
It was fun playing and I'm looking forward to more.

There are a few thing, like the constant banter, that weren't that great.

I don't mind the rape story, but why is the rapist black? Seems like a weird coincidence that the crazy father and daughter duo are the only black characters in there. I'm not accussing you of anything, but that was honestly what I was wondering once he appeared.

Also, the guy acts like some sort of b-film villain, the whole thing with him knowing Byron and being proud of what he did, tranquing the guy and all, that just seemed so OTT and you seemed to be going for a relatively grounded story.

The last thing would be that the moods of the characters swing too fast, they seem to go from one extreme to the next in a way too short time.

Don't get me wrong. I think this is a strong first effort and I am glad I played it.
Please consider seeing this as constructive criticism, you decided not to go for a straight porn story and as such of course the story-telling will be under a bit harder judgement.

Ah, the word is supposed to be Incorrigible. Thank you for that catch! I'll make the adjustment for the next Act.

I know Evans had a small part to play so far, but he's actually supposed to have a larger role later. That's why he had his own song. The decision for Tyler to be black was simply because this was a great model to work with. Large, intimidating, strong features. He's just a beast.

I also expected Penny to be more popular but nobody has mentioned her at all. I'm starting to understand a lot better what people are interested in and I'll make those adjustments going forward. Feedback is so important, I really appreciate it!