- Thread starter MackBook
- Start date
Good points: interesting story base, nice models, great detail.
Bad points: need better translating/editing, story jumps around too much...difficult to follow, relationships are confusing. Why does the MC call his father "father" when setting up, but he is "landlord" when talking to Isabella? Its obvious that they are family, and the opening sets that up, so changing it later just makes trying to follow everything feel sluggish and confusing. Don't want incest? Fine...then don't make the MC the son in the first place. And just stop the whole "landlord, Tennant, roommate" stuff...its excessive.
Bad points: need better translating/editing, story jumps around too much...difficult to follow, relationships are confusing. Why does the MC call his father "father" when setting up, but he is "landlord" when talking to Isabella? Its obvious that they are family, and the opening sets that up, so changing it later just makes trying to follow everything feel sluggish and confusing. Don't want incest? Fine...then don't make the MC the son in the first place. And just stop the whole "landlord, Tennant, roommate" stuff...its excessive.
- Nov 7, 2018
- 751
- 1,136
Is this like a mafia type of game? I hope the character isn't a goody goody guy.
English is a bit confusing making it difficult to track the story.
The game also ends abruptly without notifying the player in time to make a save.
The game also ends abruptly without notifying the player in time to make a save.
Previews look great, models are original and we have an interesting plot. Will try this in a few months.
Just a few suggestions-
1. Please don't add NTR, or make it optional.
2. Don't add grinding of any sort, if you do, make it easy, intuitive and rewarding.
3. Avoid adopting a sandbox/point-to-click system (or atleast make it easy to navigate/add hints/walkthrough)
4. Don't have a convoluted inventory system.
5. If you are making branching paths, make 2-3, no more than that, that will ensure frequent, meaty and significant updates.
6. Add a taboo patch on F95 (if your game allows it) optional obviously.
7. Harem, also optional, is always welcome.
8. Add as many optional kinks as you deem fit.
9. Find a good mix between story and sex, some games get lost in their own lore and characters, that they forget it's an Adult Visual Novel.
10. Stick to your artistic vision, but it's good to listen to your supporters/fans. Give people what they want, and they'll want more.
11. Keep your Patreon Supporters persistently updated, and have frequent updates to your game (however small they maybe).
These are some suggestions from an avid Adult VN player. Many popular/successful games follow these steps, and these will help you find success and fandom among the broadest audience. I only mention these, because I like the premise of your game, and I want to see you succeed. Too many good games get abandoned.
Best of luck to you MackBook!
Just a few suggestions-
1. Please don't add NTR, or make it optional.
2. Don't add grinding of any sort, if you do, make it easy, intuitive and rewarding.
3. Avoid adopting a sandbox/point-to-click system (or atleast make it easy to navigate/add hints/walkthrough)
4. Don't have a convoluted inventory system.
5. If you are making branching paths, make 2-3, no more than that, that will ensure frequent, meaty and significant updates.
6. Add a taboo patch on F95 (if your game allows it) optional obviously.
7. Harem, also optional, is always welcome.
8. Add as many optional kinks as you deem fit.
9. Find a good mix between story and sex, some games get lost in their own lore and characters, that they forget it's an Adult Visual Novel.
10. Stick to your artistic vision, but it's good to listen to your supporters/fans. Give people what they want, and they'll want more.
11. Keep your Patreon Supporters persistently updated, and have frequent updates to your game (however small they maybe).
These are some suggestions from an avid Adult VN player. Many popular/successful games follow these steps, and these will help you find success and fandom among the broadest audience. I only mention these, because I like the premise of your game, and I want to see you succeed. Too many good games get abandoned.
Best of luck to you MackBook!
Thank you for your suggestions, I will proceed with every suggestion with caution.Previews look great, models are original and we have an interesting plot. Will try this in a few months.
Just a few suggestions-
1. Please don't add NTR, or make it optional.
2. Don't add grinding of any sort, if you do, make it easy, intuitive and rewarding.
3. Avoid adopting a sandbox/point-to-click system (or atleast make it easy to navigate/add hints/walkthrough)
4. Don't have a convoluted inventory system.
5. If you are making branching paths, make 2-3, no more than that, that will ensure frequent, meaty and significant updates.
6. Add a taboo patch on F95 (if your game allows it) optional obviously.
7. Harem, also optional, is always welcome.
8. Add as many optional kinks as you deem fit.
9. Find a good mix between story and sex, some games get lost in their own lore and characters, that they forget it's an Adult Visual Novel.
10. Stick to your artistic vision, but it's good to listen to your supporters/fans. Give people what they want, and they'll want more.
11. Keep your Patreon Supporters persistently updated, and have frequent updates to your game (however small they maybe).
These are some suggestions from an avid Adult VN player. Many popular/successful games follow these steps, and these will help you find success and fandom among the broadest audience. I only mention these, because I like the premise of your game, and I want to see you succeed. Too many good games get abandoned.
Best of luck to you MackBook!
NTR will not be added.
- May 30, 2020
- 557
- 794
The overall description of the game sounds fun and has the potential to be great. However, the English, like many other people said, is not good at all. It was especially painful for me to continue, ended up exiting after the bar owner propositioned the MC. I'll keep this on watch in case it gets better.
- Oct 10, 2020
- 178
- 158
- Mar 24, 2019
- 250
- 478
It's awful, actually. I've started manually editing the script.rpy file just so I can stand to read it myself. If I ever get it finished and the dev wants me to, I'll upload it for others. Strictly a proofread and line-edit: I am not a ren'py coder so even if it does get uploaded there won't be any gameplay changes.
Other than that: great job so far, looking forward to seeing how this goes. I do love a good gangster game!
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I stopped playing when the MC went to meet the other guy. Before that it wasn't bad.