So, just casting my mind back to the mansion mini game, I never really read all the job listings on the board, I just looked for the pay. A shame, cause some of them were funny:
"Babysitter needed for a lovely boy!
I need a babysitter for my 13 year-old son David.
The rate is
$/worker. No previous experience required."
I checked, it's not Nicole...
"My wife is a fat cunt! Seriously! Fuck her!"
I guess you name your price once you see her...
"I have some heavy bags I need dumped in the river. Hurry. They are starting to smell. $3 per worker."
Doesn't sound suspicious at all...
"My cat is missing. It's black and answers to Poodle. Phone 242-5131"
That's gotta be oneconfused cat.
"Tri-alphas rules!
The DIKs suck dicks! LOL!!!" Cunts!
"f4z - F34 looking for non-binary person. It's not a personal ad, it's for a study I'm making for the university. Must be able to juggle. #231-4568"
Wtf is F4z?!
"My pregnant wife needs someone to take her to the hospital for a checkup. I would do it, but you know, there's this game on the TV I wanna watch today.
$$/worker"
Totally understand...
"I'm supposed to take my dad's Maserati to a specialized cleaning firm to get it sparkling, but I'm prepared to give anyone who helps me clean it part of the money he gave me.
$$$/worker"
sneaky little cunt
"Don't ask me any questions. Just help me.
$$$/worker"
Probably the 'bags' dude from above...
"I'm looking for some attractive young boys to do household chores. Must feel comfortable wearing latex.
$$$/worker"
I hope I didn't click on this one without reading the description!
"My daughter is ugly and can't find a date. Take her out and have fun. Go watch a movie, go bowling or whatever you kids do today. Be nice and respectful to her.
$$$/worker"
Nothing a paper bag won't fix...
"My septic tank has seen better days. Come clean it for me. I want it to sparkle.
$$$/worker"
Fuck no!
"Damn it! I'm home alone for a week and I broke my dad's exclusive Chinese vase. Come help me repair it!
I will pay you!
$$$/worker"
dumbass.
"Help! I think I downloaded a virus! Fix my PC for me, I had some really important files on it.
$$$$ per worker"
4$ to install an antivirus? Sweet!
"Fuck! I think I'm too late but I want to paint my house before winter. Urgent help needed! $$/worker"
another dumbass.
"Walk my dogs. They don't bite, but boy do they shit. I guess that's my fault for feeding them Mexican.
$$/worker"
Yeah, nah, don't wanna be cleaning that slimy shit up!
"I need someone to guard my house from porch pirates. I'm expecting a delivery and lately a lot of packages have gone missing in my neighborhood.
$$/worker"
Fucking porch pirates, amirite!
"Clean my pool and replace the filters. Do pools even have filters? See? I don't know anything about pools. It was my wife who wanted me to buy her one. I'm so fucking whipped...
$$ per worker"
Poor whipped bitch...
"My marriage is falling apart. I need someone to clean up my mess, repair the damages I've done and salvage what's left of it. Make it work! I don't wanna lose her! Maria! Don't leave me! $$$ per worker"
Sounds desperate, how about we make that 4$