What would you like to see in our story, that you feel would make it stand apart from the others and still be enjoyable?
- Thread starter Jethro Hatfield
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- 3dcg handjob male protagonist
- Jul 6, 2018
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The general story about a guy reconnecting with his family and helping them move on from the abusive father, is a good enough premise, the setting of the game was also interesting, the inclusion of magical creatures and mystical people like the elves made for some interesting stories.
But yeah, the "Everyone was raped" part of the story made it hard to get invested in the plot, not because it was a bad plot point, but because it's used too extensively to the point that the story was too depressing.
But yeah, the "Everyone was raped" part of the story made it hard to get invested in the plot, not because it was a bad plot point, but because it's used too extensively to the point that the story was too depressing.
The problem with that is how can we tell you what to add if we don't know anything about the new story or do you just want to know what tags we would like to see? For the tags just look at the tags I like part of my signature.
Exactly if it just would have been that the MC was abused that would have been enough, I would even cut out the backstory of the MC's lover.
- Sep 18, 2017
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it was a bad plot as in..it was really depressing..
I mean realistically speaking ...you can't solve that in 2-3 updates...you need like at least 10+ to make it believable that...the victims of 5+years of constant rape were able to overcome it and achieve a level of happiness
This is all true, which is why I've offered the new potential plot line under the spoiler tag. I would like your thoughts on this potential story line. What would you like to see included, focused on etc...
- Sep 18, 2017
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I'm sorry I can't help you out
in the end it's your story
I still played it even when the rape plot was done..and would have played it ...I'll admit I wouldn't have supported that project no matter how good it got ..because yea..rape..fuck that
So what I'm trying to say ... I for one can't give you any suggestion since it's your project and you should be the one that dictates how the story goes ( don't get me wrong I'm not advocating go back to rape story...no way..)
anyway as soon as you release here a version of your revamped version I'll play it and give you my honest thoughts..that's all I cand do
That sounds more like the story of a top-down strategy/RPG game than the story of a VN.
- Jul 6, 2018
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Rape as a plot point is not, by itself, a bad thing, it can be used to give the character some justification for their current attitude, the problem was that it was used for almost every character, suspension of disbelief can only be stretched for so long.
I like this idea, the MC has a more active role against the antagonist and the plot can be much engaging, as long as the backstory of the characters is not the same, too much darkness in the plot was the problem with the previous story.
- Jun 15, 2020
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- 1,485
And with the way VNs work mechanically, that'd be pure sandbox grind hell. No bloody thanks.
TBH it feels like the dev is trying to sprint before learning to walk. Seriously dev whatever you do, keep it simple. You can explore the artsy, complicated, high concept stuff after you establish yourself.
Make a solid (basic) story, get it out there, tweak where needed, listen to honest critiques, finish it off. Prove that you can deliver. Keeping communication open to the people that play your games goes a long way.
TBH it feels like the dev is trying to sprint before learning to walk. Seriously dev whatever you do, keep it simple. You can explore the artsy, complicated, high concept stuff after you establish yourself.
Make a solid (basic) story, get it out there, tweak where needed, listen to honest critiques, finish it off. Prove that you can deliver. Keeping communication open to the people that play your games goes a long way.
- Aug 8, 2017
- 23,673
- 16,210
True incest.
Romance.
Kissing.
Pregnancy.
A great story.
Above all things is a good reason for MC to even be there.
Having to be there for the girls not to lose the houses who he has not seen for more than half his life and then only having them in his life for a very short time before he was ran off does not give a good reason to even come back.
Getting a fucking job working as a grounds keeper for people he really don't know is just fucking stupid when he owns a security company doing great.
Romance.
Kissing.
Pregnancy.
A great story.
Above all things is a good reason for MC to even be there.
Having to be there for the girls not to lose the houses who he has not seen for more than half his life and then only having them in his life for a very short time before he was ran off does not give a good reason to even come back.
Getting a fucking job working as a grounds keeper for people he really don't know is just fucking stupid when he owns a security company doing great.
- Dec 5, 2017
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- 3,807
We didnt have enough story to know what to change, and i am not writer to give you advice about what would be good to have.
I am glad you are changing the rape story because it was the only thing we got so far and it sucked. Well, that and we inheriting a worse job than the one we already had... and accepting it, that was stupid too.
I can tell you a couple of things i would like you to consider.
IN MY OPINION, stay away from NTR and sandbox, because you would instantly lose a big part of your possible audience, including me.
I am glad you are changing the rape story because it was the only thing we got so far and it sucked. Well, that and we inheriting a worse job than the one we already had... and accepting it, that was stupid too.
I can tell you a couple of things i would like you to consider.
IN MY OPINION, stay away from NTR and sandbox, because you would instantly lose a big part of your possible audience, including me.
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I agree. NTR and sandbox are the worst. As for the storyline, I think it could work as is. There is nothing like a sonofabitch dead father to give the family a good solid person to hate. It need not be a point pound on, but it could be kept as the beginning of the story to explain the initial animosity between some of the family. As for the attempted shooting, that could either be based in a storyline that has something to do with the elfish lawyer, or could be directed at the family based on the the past doings of the father. At any rate, you have a solid beginning IF you have some way to explain the attack.
I look forward to seeing how the story develops.
I look forward to seeing how the story develops.
- Jan 31, 2020
- 112
- 1,260
Seems after all the comments and all the bullshit, my points wear right, and the two loser's who tried to argue and facepalm my comments are proven to be wrong.
Having the whole family rape thing was so fucking dumb, it was badly written and just badly implemented.
You should have just had the son be abused by the Father and have that be the cusp of your story, that would have made for a much better and cohesive plot, so just take that idea and expand upon it. Have him try and reconnect with his Sisters and friends, and let him overcome his past demons, to find love and happiness again.
Having the whole family rape thing was so fucking dumb, it was badly written and just badly implemented.
You should have just had the son be abused by the Father and have that be the cusp of your story, that would have made for a much better and cohesive plot, so just take that idea and expand upon it. Have him try and reconnect with his Sisters and friends, and let him overcome his past demons, to find love and happiness again.
EmpressLunaria We are currently undergoing a complete script and artwork overhaul. Changing the backstory entirely. Stay Tuned for more information.
- Jun 19, 2019
- 8,235
- 31,028
This was an....interesting...thread to read to say the least!
True enough... I am currently 35% through rewriting the prologue. I've opted to craft a whole new story, to better encapsulate the ideas I was picturing in my mind. And the overall ideas of the novel altogether.
- Oct 4, 2017
- 1,231
- 2,464
I was told to look at this thread because it should be a shitshow.
To my disappointment, its kinda pretty decent here.
Welp, I checked the Pictures, kinda meh-type of Model, nothing bad but nothing fancy.
Then I checked tags, also nothing suspicious. Checked the Planned tags:
Harem, Incest, Creampie, Pregnancy, and many MANY more
Mh, no mentioning of NTR or something like that.
Reading comments It seems the game gets released on chapters. First it was a Demo/Prolog and it was more kinda "Vanilla?", where we get to know what happen in the world and we get to know the characters.
Turns out its a heavy story focused game with a more adult/dark theme of game...
Well, no problem for me since I kinda can deal with that stuff (if its told in a good way).
So why the 1.5/5 Stars ? Decided to check the Reviews....oh...OH...What?!
Continued to read the rest of the comments:
So after the Prolog was done, the game got an update and out of nowhere ALL of the LI got raped and/or abused in other way or form by the dad which you cant take revange now because he is dead. Also MC got raped by dad and was throwed out of the house. Ok, thats something new I gonna admit.
1 Point for being unique at least lol.
After like 15-18/20? years later you are "forced" to come back and "forced" to work in this house despite you have already established your own life and the "family" is more strangers to you but MC still accept it. Even less makes it sense if some of them behave really toxic and hostile towards MC.
Not gonna lie, when Dev said "There will be NO NTR/ swinging planned for this game. This is not something I enjoy, either playing or writing." and from that point on he at least got my attention for his game (which many devs even fail at that.)
Despite this strange over usage of rape trope, I wanted at least give this game a chance since
1.No NTR planned and never will be. And
2.Wholesome stuff in the upcoming (I can hear the lewd handholding already)
So before I jump in I want at least to know:
A. Did Dad really raped ALL of the family members, excluding MC GF ofc.
B. Are they shown (sex scenes)?
C. Did they enjoy it doing it with him ?
If yes, why no one stopped him and no one tried to escape/tell the authorities ?
D. Is there at the end of the tunnel a harem end ?
I wanted to ask this because before I start I want to know if these LI are redeemable or not.
Its up for debate if and how much a abused character can be "healed/saved" but as we saw, that ALL of the LI gets raped
is a big deal breaker, despite ALL of them probably having their reasons why they needed to be raped in the story by the
same man...again and again...
Now It seems because of that, depsite Dev lingering about the Rape thing, we get to see a complette new story.
Aka no rape by dad, he is still alive to kick in his balls and we get kinda a locate, secure and then bang the LI type of
progress.
Does this sound "very dark" ? I dont know. Compared to the whole fuck up of Dad raping you and your whole Family its not but you dont need to ride that train to reach you goals. You can take the bus, the plane, the car, the bike or even go with your feet. (And if you that beloved you can other people carry you)
What I want to say is that its more in the details of the whole world building and the character experiences what can change that without scarring the audience away.
What I personally want to see in a game where the main focus is on -> redemption, recovery, and healing in a Harem/Romance game porngame ?
-> Establishing a good/reasonable/strong MC
- Since MC is the protagonists and we all like to shine *chaught* I mean the MC, we want to see him in a good light.
That means even if he is doing "bad" stuff like killing, spying or blackmailing etc, in the end he is doing it to help the people he loves and dont has second thoughs of doing it, he dont mind risking his own life to safe the LI which later opens the path for even the most toxic/hostile LI to like MC.
- Big Pee Pee (Bigger then Douche and Dads) obviously
-> Father-Son rivalry
- Since its decided that in the new Version of the game the Father is the Antagonist and he is still alive, the game should make him present, not like in in your typical Anime/Manga where he just sits all day in his chamber and waits MC to grew and confront him.
- Since he is the Antagonist and if the story made him doing horrible bad stuff to the LI, it would be a mistake not to give the statisfaction of killing him by the MC/LI in the story.
-> Variety of LI
- Different type of girls is with different characters is nothing new to have in a harem game BUT also should the problems vary. Aka everyone got raped kinda downplays this "one" LI who also got raped.
- Different type of affection to the MC from LI should vary.
(A example are: Mom wants to feel safe because her husband is a wifebeater and has problems to be alone without MC in a room. Sis got a addict and needs to cope with what happen( insert plot here) and needs the money from MC.)
- Models. Aka variety of model and their looks (lol)
-> Acceptable Fetishes
- You know it already, no NTR, no Raping the LI, Handholding, etc.
- From shy looking expresion who try to avoid seeing MC face to death by snu-snu-ahegao
-> Logical behavior by MC and LI
- If some LI struggles with some serius issues, aka like got raped, they probably wont fall in love with MC in a sec and will
probably struggle to reconnect with this feeling.
(Once again. ThinkDev!Think.png)
- Drinking Water and eating food is what some humans need to do to surive and such could serve as a "Platform" to warm up between different LI. (Not only with MC but also with different LI with each other)
-> Character progression
- MC should start from a point on but also change through the story as he sees the horror of the world he gets exposed.
- Same goes for not only the LI, but also some "enemies" of MC (of course they are female)
- I want to cuck a douche and fuck his GF infront of him. That will teach him bullying the poor elves!
Or if I need to put it figurative:
- "Boroboro no Elf-san o Shiawasenisuru Kusuri Uri-san" or the english name
"The Medicine Peddler who Makes a Battered Elf Happy"
To my disappointment, its kinda pretty decent here.
Welp, I checked the Pictures, kinda meh-type of Model, nothing bad but nothing fancy.
Then I checked tags, also nothing suspicious. Checked the Planned tags:
Harem, Incest, Creampie, Pregnancy, and many MANY more
Mh, no mentioning of NTR or something like that.
Reading comments It seems the game gets released on chapters. First it was a Demo/Prolog and it was more kinda "Vanilla?", where we get to know what happen in the world and we get to know the characters.
Turns out its a heavy story focused game with a more adult/dark theme of game...
Well, no problem for me since I kinda can deal with that stuff (if its told in a good way).
So why the 1.5/5 Stars ? Decided to check the Reviews....oh...OH...What?!
Continued to read the rest of the comments:
So after the Prolog was done, the game got an update and out of nowhere ALL of the LI got raped and/or abused in other way or form by the dad which you cant take revange now because he is dead. Also MC got raped by dad and was throwed out of the house. Ok, thats something new I gonna admit.
1 Point for being unique at least lol.
After like 15-18/20? years later you are "forced" to come back and "forced" to work in this house despite you have already established your own life and the "family" is more strangers to you but MC still accept it. Even less makes it sense if some of them behave really toxic and hostile towards MC.
Not gonna lie, when Dev said "There will be NO NTR/ swinging planned for this game. This is not something I enjoy, either playing or writing." and from that point on he at least got my attention for his game (which many devs even fail at that.)
Despite this strange over usage of rape trope, I wanted at least give this game a chance since
1.No NTR planned and never will be. And
2.Wholesome stuff in the upcoming (I can hear the lewd handholding already
)So before I jump in I want at least to know:
A. Did Dad really raped ALL of the family members, excluding MC GF ofc.
B. Are they shown (sex scenes)?
C. Did they enjoy it doing it with him ?
If yes, why no one stopped him and no one tried to escape/tell the authorities ?
D. Is there at the end of the tunnel a harem end ?
I wanted to ask this because before I start I want to know if these LI are redeemable or not.
Its up for debate if and how much a abused character can be "healed/saved" but as we saw, that ALL of the LI gets raped
is a big deal breaker, despite ALL of them probably having their reasons why they needed to be raped in the story by the
same man...again and again...
Now It seems because of that, depsite Dev lingering about the Rape thing, we get to see a complette new story.
Aka no rape by dad, he is still alive to kick in his balls and we get kinda a locate, secure and then bang the LI type of
progress.
Does this sound "very dark" ? I dont know. Compared to the whole fuck up of Dad raping you and your whole Family its not but you dont need to ride that train to reach you goals. You can take the bus, the plane, the car, the bike or even go with your feet. (And if you that beloved you can other people carry you)
What I want to say is that its more in the details of the whole world building and the character experiences what can change that without scarring the audience away.
What I personally want to see in a game where the main focus is on -> redemption, recovery, and healing in a Harem/Romance game porngame ?
-> Establishing a good/reasonable/strong MC
- Since MC is the protagonists and we all like to shine *chaught* I mean the MC, we want to see him in a good light.
That means even if he is doing "bad" stuff like killing, spying or blackmailing etc, in the end he is doing it to help the people he loves and dont has second thoughs of doing it, he dont mind risking his own life to safe the LI which later opens the path for even the most toxic/hostile LI to like MC.
- Big Pee Pee (Bigger then Douche and Dads) obviously
-> Father-Son rivalry
- Since its decided that in the new Version of the game the Father is the Antagonist and he is still alive, the game should make him present, not like in in your typical Anime/Manga where he just sits all day in his chamber and waits MC to grew and confront him.
- Since he is the Antagonist and if the story made him doing horrible bad stuff to the LI, it would be a mistake not to give the statisfaction of killing him by the MC/LI in the story.
-> Variety of LI
- Different type of girls is with different characters is nothing new to have in a harem game BUT also should the problems vary. Aka everyone got raped kinda downplays this "one" LI who also got raped.
- Different type of affection to the MC from LI should vary.
(A example are: Mom wants to feel safe because her husband is a wifebeater and has problems to be alone without MC in a room. Sis got a addict and needs to cope with what happen( insert plot here) and needs the money from MC.)
- Models. Aka variety of model and their looks (lol)
-> Acceptable Fetishes
- You know it already, no NTR, no Raping the LI, Handholding, etc.
- From shy looking expresion who try to avoid seeing MC face to death by snu-snu-ahegao
-> Logical behavior by MC and LI
- If some LI struggles with some serius issues, aka like got raped, they probably wont fall in love with MC in a sec and will
probably struggle to reconnect with this feeling.
(Once again. ThinkDev!Think.png)
- Drinking Water and eating food is what some humans need to do to surive and such could serve as a "Platform" to warm up between different LI. (Not only with MC but also with different LI with each other)
-> Character progression
- MC should start from a point on but also change through the story as he sees the horror of the world he gets exposed.
- Same goes for not only the LI, but also some "enemies" of MC (of course they are female
)- I want to cuck a douche and fuck his GF infront of him. That will teach him bullying the poor elves!
Or if I need to put it figurative:
- "Boroboro no Elf-san o Shiawasenisuru Kusuri Uri-san" or the english name
"The Medicine Peddler who Makes a Battered Elf Happy"
Last edited:
- Aug 8, 2017
- 23,673
- 16,210
A. As per before the re-write he did including MC himself.
B. No for the rapes and no sex scenes with the father with anyone.
C. I very much doubt it.
D. Who really cares if there is, MC was force to go to the will reading where he just got a job working for the 2 house holds.
Once this happen I put this junk in the trash can.
Just a fucking job, who in the hell cares about the women he barely even knew in the first place.
It does not say when the step family came into MC life but he left or was ran out of the house at 10 years old and no contact with them for many years some where around 24 to 40 years later.