- Apr 15, 2018
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- Thread starter Thicc Lord
- Start date
- Jan 11, 2023
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- Jan 3, 2021
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Really? Cause I pointed out the first half a dozen grammatical errors (which all take place within the literal first minute of the game) back in the prologue. Two versions later, they're all still there verbatim. Simple errors that you don't need a proofreader to notice or fix (indeed, literally any word processor would have a conniption if you bothered to spell check it beforehand), especially when someone has already done the work of highlighting them for you.
Seriously, do you not spell check your script in a word processor before putting it into Ren'Py? It's so bad, that even the sub-par auto spell check of a web browser (that you'd use to post on this forum) would be highlighting plenty of these easy to fix errors.
Now on the 3rd version, all of those errors are still there. Why do your patrons needs to wait until they give you enough support for you to care enough to even try to fix your obvious mistakes? Claiming you need a paid proofreader to fix things like forgetting to capitalize 'i' in the middle of a sentence is obvious nonsense.
^^ This does not require the help of a professional to catch or correct. It requires a little effort and diligence. ^^
Please, do take your time, but actually do something worthwhile with it. Like, actually delve into how the detective chick was fired from the police? How did they manage to pull that off? How did they sidestep or subvert the police union, because actually firing a cop is pretty rare and difficult to do (in a world where police get paid leave for shooting unarmed civilians)? Why does she think they moved so quickly, obviously, and overtly? Why did they flat out fire her instead of sidelining her by reassigning her to a new case, or even transferring her to a new department or precinct? What was to be gained from making it so blatantly obvious they were silencing her? Does she have an opinions about any of it more substantial than it was simply 'unfair' (not even unjust, but unfair). But you didn't, and I have the sneaking suspicion that is because I thought about the repercussions and implications of that otherwise throw away bit of exposition more than you did. Your narrative isn't raising interesting questions that further the mystery, they're creating plot holes and calling into question the basic premise. They are the wrong kind of questions to be raising in the minds of your audience.
For that matter, how did Mark recognize his parent's car from black and white surveillance footage, especially when said car is nothing but a generic sedan? If I saw a Honda Accord get wrecked, I wouldn't just assume it was my parent's Accord, since hundreds of thousands of them exist. What is it about that car in the footage convinces the MC that it's not just any sedan, but specifically the one his parents owned from 7+ years ago? It's not like he's personally seen the car recently. The last time he could have seen it was nearly half a lifetime ago for him, and he was a child at the time. That's not to say that the MC couldn't, under the right circumstances, recognize the car. But it should have some unique distinguishing features; like an eye-catching and garish custom paintjob, specific aftermarket accessories or modifications, or perhaps being a specifically obscure make and model. Something, anything. But actually put the work in here. Perhaps have the MC looking at a picture of the car and reminiscing about it and his parents earlier in the game, establish the uniqueness of the car and reinforce it again at least once before the big reveal, so that when the car is shown in the security footage it doesn't feel like empty hand-waving nonsense.
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.So far your conspiracy is being conducted by people too inept to secure, hide, or destroy incriminating security camera footage. They burned the victims in a "crash" that didn't involve a fire. Then they immediately fired a not terribly inquisitive cop for doing the bare minimum of her job, but didn't follow up with any other measures to make sure she was silenced or under control; they actively created a loose end. Why does she need the MC's help? At this point, I figure the only way the conspirators haven't been caught already due to said ineptitude is blind luck or divine intervention. It feels like
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, but for the conspiracy.There is a huge gulf between something being unknown, and being a compelling and engaging mystery. Merely being unknown doesn't make for a good mystery in and of itself. For example; forgetting where you placed your cell phone. While it's location may be unknown at the time, that fact alone doesn't make for a compelling mystery plot. Nothing you have written thus far has come close to reaching that lofty standard.
Great. Why didn't you factor making mistakes into your workflow or schedule? Give yourself enough slack so that if things look off or need to be re-done, you have the time for it. Or failing that, you just push the release back a bit until it is fixed. I mean it sounds like you have a day job, so you're not going to lose your primary source of income because some middle manager at Ubisoft is pointing a gun to your head as you crunch trying to reach a production milestone.
Being 'corny' is not the problem. If you think that's what people are upset about, you've missed the point entirely.
Could you at the very least make it less awful? Nobody forced you to put a password puzzle into the game, and subsequently give almost zero clues about it. A password that does not require paying attention to the world inside the game. It is not something solved by the protagonist's wit, and can't be deduced from inside the game alone. No, it requires the player (not the MC) to have knowledge outside the world of the game. Specifically 90's pop culture trivia.
It is a diegetic mess. It requires outside knowledge and a hint to the player that the MC doesn't see or react to. There is no in world hint, like a framed movie poster in the alley to take inspiration from. The voice asking for the password offers no hint. Nothing. In the course of the narrative, that means the MC magically guesses the exact passphrase out of thin air. Not only that, but the phrase itself literally means 'see you around' in Spanish, and is something said in parting. It's not a phrase for entering, or greeting someone, or even a kitsch throwback (like 'open sesame'). It is not even suggested that the MC is some sort of huge fan of that movie series, so guessing it as the first thing that comes to mind can't even be passed off as a bit of funny serendipity. The MC didn't get the clue about the movie quote, the player did. It all exists outside the game itself. Do you really not understand how and why this is bad design on multiple levels?
At the very least, could you make the in game clue somewhat more helpful? You know, by actually referencing the correct movie you are pulling a quote from (which again, for the record, is Terminator 2 : Judgement Day and NOT The Terminator)?
Why? What does having the player click on a bike in the garage before riding it add to the experience besides wasting time with extra clicks?
You didn't make a sandbox game where the player could pick the option between taking different bikes, or between a bike and a car, or between a bike and walking. There is only one bike. It is the singular option. Wasting the player's time by making them jump through needless hoops instead of just getting on with telling the story does not enhance the experience; it detracts from it.
If you're just adding 'point & click' busywork because you think it's a feature you'd like to be able to tout on your Patreon page, but didn't actually put any thought into using it appropriately or making it fun and engaging, you're already moving down the wrong path. If you're planning on going full sandbox, best to be upfront and let people know early so they can jump ship as appropriate.
Has anyone bothered to point them out? I already have. They weren't fixed. Every single issues I brought up in the prologue is still present here. Every single instance of grammatical error. Diana starting off into the middle distance. James knuckles deep at a bowl of grapes and looking like an alien encountering the concept of 'finger food' for the first time. Jennifer's introduction having bloom light so overpowering it looks like she's standing in front of a nuclear blast. The MC being an asshole for yelling at the detective chick for punching his friend in self defense, after the dude checked her into a brick wall by her neck. All of it. It is all still there. None of it has been changed. So when I or anyone else looks at the change log and sees 'Fixed some previous renders' and 'Tried to fix some typos and grammatical mistakes from my end', what are we supposed to make of that? What was changed in light of the evidence available for what has overwhelmingly appeared to stay the same?
But I can understand nobody wanting to volunteer, as almost every line of dialogue has one or more mistakes. It would take a not insignificant amount of effort to edit the current mess of dialogue. I mean, I might just do it for the fun of the performative roast here on the forum, but not because I think you'd actually make any corrections (as already demonstrated by your seeming lack of fixes in the prologue). However I'm not just going to clandestinely hand over that sort of effort to an out of the way Discord server for it to be buried and ignored.
I mean, the whole game is absolutely riddled with mistakes. Not only that, but you keep making the same mistakes over and over. When the MC first sees Diana after talking with the mystery detective, she is staring into the middle distance again. A problem you had in the prologue that I already spent time pointing out before. Not only that, but you evidently continued to perpetuate the same mistakes going forward. You seemingly didn't learn from, or make corrections to, your prior mistakes.
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Last edited:
- Jan 3, 2021
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There's actually someone advertising script writing and proofreading services on this site. I think the rates are ok but I don't know what your price range might be. If you're at least interested, here's the link to the thread and you can check them yourself: https://f95zone.to/threads/detail-focused-writer-and-editor-open-for-commissions.97052/
With the patch he was "adopted" by his aunt/cousins. I really wish devs would quit sucking up to Patreon and end up making hot garbage in the process and just use SS or BB like a sane person.
What does this mean? Why can't you just get rid of this stupid door password? Not only is it extremely silly from the standpoint of the characters involved, it literally references the wrong movie (the most famous line from Terminator is probably, "I'll be back.") and there's simply no hint that there are no spaces, upper case letters or punctuation in the correct answer.
- Sep 16, 2020
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Why do you automatically skip the words? What if the player does want to? I like to press the ctrl key to make sure I never played the games but this game I can't tell because it automatically skips.
- Sep 16, 2020
- 1,430
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Also, what is the point of adjusting the sound and music if there isn't any? I have no sound or music in my game.
- Oct 2, 2019
- 18
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Am I the only one that finds the whole clicking on the items annoying? click fridge, blanket, arrows... Maybe its a me thing but this games looks so promising otherwise.
- Sep 3, 2022
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Conspiracy [Ch. 1 v0.3.5.1] [Remendo's Pvt Lmt]
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- Feb 23, 2023
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Conspiracy-CH1v0.3.5.1
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!What a bunch of whiny wimps. The game is not perfect. Thank the developer for his effort, compliment anything you like, make your suggestions and stop whining. I input the right password and it didn't work. No problem. He knows. If we treat him like a human being, he may fix it.
- Sep 3, 2022
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Conspiracy [Ch. 1 v0.4] [Remendo's Pvt Lmt]
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Sweet. Uncle/aunt/cousins = poor man's cheap incest when your mom and sisters refuse to fuck you.
