Dear Community, Dear Yih. Since you Yih are making arbitrary decisions again, I would like to say something about it.
For those who don't know yet, I had a 5x 2 cm tumor in the angle of the jaw directly on the carotid artery. I had surgery earlier this week and almost died of respiratory depression from the anesthesia. That I can speak to you today is a miracle. They were able to remove the tumor and I am soo infinitely grateful.
I am still in the hospital and am very weak. But with the help of my friends, I still want to speak out about all these statements of Yih.
I think you deserve to know both sides of the story. And not Yih's subjective perspective.
First of all, I would like to say that I am shocked and humanly very disappointed by such disgusting reporting by Yih!
He knows full well that I had a tumor, that I had been given this diagnosis. That I was really struggling with it. And was emotionally at the end.
To behave in such a way is not human.
Even if you have a quarrel, common sense dictates that you should not talk about sick people in this way.
I would never do this.
I would therefore like to clarify to you dear community:
Some time ago I received the terrible diagnosis of having a tumor in my throat. It was a routine examination. I told the doctors that every now and then I have a lump in the corner of my jaw. They did ultrasound and then sent me for MRI. Since I am claustrophobic, it was a borderline experience because I was completely immobilized and had to stay in that tube with contrast for a long time. When that was done, I got the diagnosis. This hit me to the core!!! Me? A tumor?? At my age?! WTF!.... And then this one was right on the carotid artery too. The surgeon literally sits on the bomb while defusing it. One wrong cut and I bleed to death.
I had to deal with all this information first. That was not easy. But I tried not to go crazy. Fortunately, it worked out somehow.
The day of the surgery came closer and closer. And the time had come. I was taken to surgery. Before that I had made my will. At my age it felt very surreal. I always thought such things are done when you are 70+. Then the anesthesiologist missed the vein twice and I had fucking pain in my hand. After that I was given sufentanyl. An anesthetic that is
1000x stronger than morphine and 500x stronger than heroin. I already developed respiratory depressions. Fortunately, the surgery went well and they were able to remove the tumor without hitting the carotid artery.
However, when I woke up I almost suffocated. My lungs did not manage to breathe by themselves because I was too sedated. It was a 2 hour fight for survival until I was reasonably stable again.
Since then I have been in the hospital. I have very severe pain, but I see small improvements day by day. And I hope that I will soon be able to walk again and eventually resume my normal daily life.
Especially in view of the facts described, I find such a nasty portrayal of my person very misplaced.
I can understand every fan of DG that he is annoyed and that everything is going so slowly.
Therefore, I would like to take the chance today one last time to share my thoughts with you.
Yih writes in his first argument that it is only about money.
1) He makes more money with WoS. He makes like $200 with that but was only making like $100 on DG. In spite of DG being significantly more popular in the forums and reviews than WoS never made enough money to satisfy Sin. A complete wanna-be ripoff of My Sweet Neighbors is more profitable than an awesome original game with a female protagonist, unfortunately.
What he actually wants to say is that I seem to be a money-grubbing piece of shit who just wants to milk people without giving anything. I can't let that portrayal stand.
I have always told Yih that developing a VN has certain production costs.
First you need a good and fast PC with decent GPU power. Such a render rig can cost 3-10k quickly, depending on the specs. A 3090 RTX alone costs close to 3500k in my country. Yih always wants to have the best renders, so I offered him to bear the investment in the GPU himself. I paid a lot of money for the gaming/render PC back then. I also bought the assets from the different platforms. Had to find a file sharing provider and and.
With that I had costs for DG until the last release of about 8500$.
I was happy to pay that from my savings because I believe in the project and my arts and I was aware from the beginning that this is my passion and hobby. And I will never get rich with it. That is not my intention either. My intention is to give you a cool time with awesome renders.
My goal is that only the running costs are covered at some point, so that I can create as much content as you want without compromise.
With all expenses (host, electricity, hardware, assets, etc) that's a few hundred dollars a month. And that's it.
To say I'm only doing WoS because it makes me $200 instead of $100, very misleading.
The project is supposed to be fun for everyone and in the best case scenario it should pay for the running costs. That is my credo.
Accordingly, I don't understand why Yih misrepresents it so completely.
He himself owns a small laptop with which he is not able to render. Besides, he has never had to spend a cent on DG. He merely sacrificed his time, which I give him credit for. But he never invested money for DG.
Saying that WoS is an absolute rip-off wannabe, I also think is just a way of expressing your discomfort.
Many know, and of course I know, that you have a problem with WoS. Because I have my own project, which I enjoy sooo much. Especially in this hard period of my life.
It's amazing that only the same people always express themselves very negatively about WoS, who at the same time love DG and are friends with you.
Coincidences do exist.....
You are of course free to bash me over and over again, write me bad reviews, encourage people to do so. Making me look like a failure and a looser on the forum. You are welcome to do that. If you can then still look at yourself in the mirror. You have to live with this guilt not me.
Also your threats to ruin me, I found very sad at the time. But now that you are doing this, I find it even sadder.
I would never do something like that. If you have problems with each other, then you clarify them among themselves and do not lead a public discussion.
But since this is unfortunately not possible with you, you force me to this post.
2) He doesn't even bother to return my messages anymore. Last time I messaged him I asked him flat out "Want to work on a DG update?" It has been like a week and he has never replied back. I think Sin doesn't like me at all for some reason.
You didn't ask about this either, by the way:
"Want to work on a DG update?
As I have already described in detail, I am in the hospital and connected to a lot of cables. I could not write to you personally! My friends have written and published the announcements on my Discord and my Patreon. So that the fans were not in ignorance. Since you read my Mercury's Notes too, you can't claim you didn't know either.
Your arbitrary decisions are really incomprehensible.
But you are the boss! You made that clear to me a long time ago. There can only be one boss and I am your employee who has to work and otherwise keep his mouth shut.
I have understood!
The claims that I don't like Yih are simply moronic. Otherwise, I would certainly have worked with her for so long and carried all the initial investments.
To claim that over and over again now is simply uncool.
4) Sin was a bit insistent on adding certain things to DG and at times doesn't like to listen... For example, I never planned to add that completely black dream demon character. Sin saw that they had something like that in "Dreams of Desire" and thought it would be good to just add a demon for... reason... Then I'm like alright let's add an angel too... That angel is just one of our female students and has no wings and doesn't look anything like an angel...
Yes I wanted to include a few small elements. But then you always gave me a lecture why this or that doesn't work. Why I'm an idiot for doing such things. That no one wants to see my ideas and that I can't do anything. But only on instructions from your side I am able to produce something.
In addition fits of course also the boss factor again.
It is clear to me that I must subordinate myself and may say nothing myself.
Only your ideas are valid, otherwise.
5) The last update on DG was shit. Sin did shitty renders with no backgrounds and doesn't give a fuck how much I had to adjust the story to fit it to cover for it. Do you think I wanted him to render completely black backgrounds? No... You think I was like "Hey go ahead and not give Kelly any neighbors or anything around her house... Just make it an empty foggy void..." Hell no... Sin normally does GREAT renders, but the last DG update was trash that he rushed through because he was working on WoS on the down-low.
This, of course, is the crowning glory. Telling me that I am not able to make renders. Let's be honest. You're the one who, "kindly" put, has no artistic talent. Now to say I only produce shit that you have to patch is just ridiculous.
I already told you then that your required huge enviroments don't fit in the VRAM of the 1080tis. It's only 11GB. But you wanted huge neighborhoods and canyons and 5-6 G8 models in a scene. Any DEV will tell you that's almost impossible to do with a 1080ti.
But you wanted it anyway and I tried what was possible. I got everything out of the machine and even had hardware failures because of those scenes. Which cost me money again. Not you! Cursing around like that now shows your true character Yih!
I think that sin is more concerned about another Abandoned Tag decreasing his reputation further thus costing him some money than he is about actually abandoning the project thus his attempts to drag out an "On Hold" Tag as long as he can.
To set you straight about me "supposedly" killing off my projects.... This is such a blatant lie.
My first game " A guys dream" was more of a demo. Yih aborted that game right away and without telling me what it meant.
Now he is killing DG again without my approval too.
And portrays me as a dev who doesn't keep his word.
You just don't do something like that.
These are LIES to hurt me.
But I'm cool with it. I don't want a fight with you. It's just too toxic for me. You want to see me down. Ok. I'm pretty broken up, too. But I'll get back up and keep working on my projects.
Your representations are wrong and you are trying to kill me with it on the forum.
I really haven't done anything bad to you.
I have always assumed that DG will continue once I am able to pick up a better GPU. An RTX. That would have made the rendering problems go away.
But all this stress, all your rendering, the way you treat me. It's all soooooooo toxic.
And I have to stay away from it to avoid more damage. I hope dear community, you can understand this.
I don't leave anyone hanging, and if I don't get in touch directly, it's for serious reasons.
I don't know what will happen with DG. I would have had interest it to work on. But being treated like this is not the way i wanna work.
I know that a war of roses is now being started by Yih. By leaving the pitch as a loser. If he wants it that way, that is entirely up to him. But I won't stop with my projects. Also, I will not speak badly about Yih in the forum in public, because it just does not belong. I think I said a lot about the points.
Since he hurt me so much, I'll focus on WoS now. If things do calm down, I'm always ready to work on DG, but on my terms.
If, contrary to expectations, I am dragged through the arena by him, i will stop communicating with him. And I am not respond to more "bad" news about me, which aren't true.
I wish you guys a nice Weekend. This post took a lot of my energy and took almost 4 hours, and I am very grateful to my friends at the hospital for taking the time to write everything down.
Never forget that health is the most important thing.
In this sense...
Yours
Sin
