Writing a Sex Scene - What Makes Some so Memorable
This is a musing on an observation I had which is this:
Taking five major “mainstream” sexual cinemas I’ve seen over the years, and what sexual scene do I remember from those movies and why:
“Last Tango in Paris” - (1972) The movie as I recall has meany scenes more sensually done than the butter scene, and yet that is the scene I remember from this film. As I recall, it was shocking, violent, and irrevocably altered the relationship between the two characters.
“9 1/2 Weeks” - (1986) Here there are two scenes, both character altering. The first is the sex scene in the rain after the female lead stabs the man in the butt when he and his cohort tries to beat them up; the female lead has taken an aggressive acceptance of the sadistic aspect of their relationship and the sex is an emotional acceptance of that. The second is when the male lead blindfolds the female lead and introduces a female prostitute into the mix; while no actual sex happens, it is a sexual scene more about the male lead pushing boundaries which ultimately shatters the relationship.
“50 Shades of Grey” - (2015) The last scene, again sexual though not sex, where the female lead asks how far Grey would take things, and then the 6 lashes, is, like the two scenes above, an instance where the event itself is more about the characters, and the female lead taking back her power and walking away.
Each of the above memorable scenes to me is more about the character dynamics than the sexual or sexuality. They transcend the sexual scene for what they say about the characters - and that is why they are so memorable.
Then take two HBO shows and, for me, the most memorable scenes:
Game of Thrones - Season 1 - Episode 1 (2011) - Lannister having sex in the tower after Stark is pushed to the ground. Was it the shock of the incest, or the shock of the callousness of having sex immediately after the attempted murder. I suggest it was the latter that made this scene so memorable.
Game of Thrones - Season 7 - Episode 7 (2017) - Daenerys and Jon Snow having sex on the ship while Tyrion sees the rendezvous and we are left pondering what he is thinking. In one sense this scene is memorable because it solidifies the alliance of the two leaders - but more importantly, Tyrion punctuates the moment with much more meaning, giving this event much more importance.
Westworld - Season 1 - Episode DK - Maeve having sex with Hector up in her room after the “safe stealing” repeated incident where Maeve is self aware but Hector is not (yet). Again, a memorable scene not because of the sex, but because of the character changed difference between Maeve and Hector show in juxtaposition as well as the conscious decision by Maeve to do this act know even though the management will surely come and shut both their systems down.
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Now before you think I have something for the above scenes since most are violent - that is not it. However, the heightened and sometimes violent emotions - and the sharp changes in relationship between characters - that is what strike me as making these scenes memorable.
Let’s take a romantic story with no physical violence but with emotional spikes throughout the story to see how this can create memorable sex scenes.
- The first sexual scene between the two lovers would be memorable because that’s where the let loose their defenses and make themselves vulnerable toward each other. It could be that one is shy and shaking, and the other makes their advances. It could be that both rush together in a explosion of pent up sexual need. It would be the emotions and the change in character relationship that makes this scene memorable.
- (Sex scenes as their relationship progresses - while fun and titillating - lacks that emotional explosion and change n character circumstances).
- Sex scene while a rival or parent either catches them or almost catches them. Again, a sex scene with an added element and the added external focus causes a “what will happen” tension to the scene, making it memorable.
- Sex scene in anger where one is either making s point, using sex as a weapon, or as a tool to push the other away. Again memorable.
- Reconciliation after a huge fight or split sex scene - or reunited after feeling the other was lost forever. Again memorable.
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Finally, take the sex scenes in Dating My Daughter to this date. I would argue that the best scene has actually been the MC/Jennifer scene. Why? As a stand alone scene, it had the awkward initial sex element, the change in relationship element, and the offering of one’s self element all in one scene.
While Daughter has numerous other scenes with there reoccurring elements, the Jennifer scene has them all in one stand alone scene.
Take the other secondary female characters (Elena, Georgina, etc) and I would argue we are waiting for their emotionally memorable sex scenes. For example, the moment Elena shows her emotional vulnerability to MC will be the moment she gets her transformative sex scene.
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End of musing
