VN Ren'Py Abandoned Decisions Made [v0.1b] [TearStar]

[PervySage]

I've been unable to see Melissa's night scene, all I get are the same dialogue options that you get through the rest of the day

 

[TearStar]

I've been unable to see Melissa's night scene, all I get are the same dialogue options that you get through the rest of the day

You chose Danielle first or which night scene? If you stuck try using the walkthrough. It does contain spoiler but only at the end of the document.

 

[Trasher2018]

I put a patch later this day. I don't know why it is bugged out this hard since I did fix Melissa's Diary yesterday... Danielle should have been also. That's what you get for having two separate folders in game...

About English: This should be a proofread version by two fellow members. I can't proofread myself and that's why was a big delay since first preview version and first real version.
About the saves: I saw a post where they said how to use compatible. Problem is: there were changed in the game's structure. Many objects have been changed. For example: Quests were in the game in preview also many things but it was denied. Quests were a single, defined objects. They are now: default, queue objects.
Preview: define homeQuest = 1 (preview version)
Now: default homeQuest = [1] (0.1a and above)
Because of the keyword 'default' the quest wouldn't trigger up on load and cause game crashes ever time a quest triggered.

About prologue: I could do a better backstory for next release. Also will fix Hannah at station.

Still About Males: Sorry... But if you see my next game in future games remember that my games won't have any male routes. Also: I don't sorry. Last two weeks while 'proofreaders' worked I've played games with female prot tag which were utter catastrophe. It was like this: rape, gangbang rape and humility. I don't want to follow this line.

Many things were supposed to be fixed (some of them not by me like proofreading), I don't think the next real update will come soon enough.

Sounds good. - I don't mind a full lesbian story when it is entertaining.

Currently it feels a bit to forced. I mean, you get your daughter from 0 to incest-lesbian in 1 scene. There is no tension and no danger of rejection. The daughter's reaction does not feel right. That she lets her mother sleep with her after she tried something, I think is strange. If you tried nothing that should not be an issue. I have no problem sharing a bed with members of my family, simply because there is no "danger" that it could be weird. But after an erotic approach that would certainly be a problem.

When you concentrate your story on this theme you should flesh it out to the max to make it interesting and entertaining to read. Its is for sure a lot harder than just connecting some lewd sex scenes with all of that popular gangbang, rape, creampie and other stuff.
In Good Girl Gone Bad the lesbian storyline with you best friend is quite good imho (especially when she is not dragged down that drug path^^). And that should be the start for a pure lesbian/women story - the lowest baseline.

 

[PervySage]

You chose Danielle first or which night scene? If you stuck try using the walkthrough. It does contain spoiler but only at the end of the document.

Chose Danielle first. The walkthrough just says to wait to see Melissa's night.

 

[TearStar]

Sounds good. - I don't mind a full lesbian story when it is entertaining.

Currently it feels a bit to forced. I mean, you get your daughter from 0 to incest-lesbian in 1 scene. There is no tension and no danger of rejection. The daughter's reaction does not feel right. That she lets her mother sleep with her after she tried something, I think is strange. If you tried nothing that should not be an issue. I have no problem sharing a bed with members of my family, simply because there is no "danger" that it could be weird. But after an erotic approach that would certainly be a problem.

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Chose Danielle first. The walkthrough just says to wait to see Melissa's night.

You need to spend time by using 'Actions' which you can in Melissa's Room or MC_Room's. MC Room has a red bed button. You need to wait until evening by spending time with actions. You can do it then.

 

[PervySage]

You need to spend time by using 'Actions' which you can in Melissa's Room or MC_Room's. MC Room has a red bed button. You need to wait until evening by spending time with actions. You can do it then.

I know how to pass the time. There are no other options when it comes to the evening and nothing happens automatically.

 

[solid_snake]

W-wha?
There was a new release? When did that happen and why wasn't I informed of it?

*Sigh* So this happened, I guess.
As I'm listed as a "proofreader" in this project, I need to have my say in this one: The "proofreading" isn't done. There are quite a few more big files that need to go through, and there are 2 reasons for me not being able to attend them in time:
1) Busy, and
2) The story often left me scratching my head, thus taking its toil on the progress.

With that said, that's all I am. A proofreader. I have, however, brought up the incredibly rushed story line and relationships that seemingly pop out of nowhere. Like it has been said:

Currently it feels a bit to forced. I mean, you get your daughter from 0 to incest-lesbian in 1 scene.

If that would happen once, that'd tolerable. But it seems to happen with every encounter with a female. It's basically this:
"Hi, I'm <mc name here>"
"OMG, you're gorgeous. I can't wait to sleep with you!"
"I kno, rite?"

Whut. And the common reply to this was "It's not that rushed" or "it'll be explained later on" without being explained later on.

Last two weeks while 'proofreaders' worked I've played games with female prot tag which were utter catastrophe. It was like this: rape, gangbang rape and humility. I don't want to follow this line.

Let me get this straight: You didn't want to include any male characters (aside of Oliver) just because of some game, completely unrelated to yours, had a path for the female protagonist to go down the "being raped or gangbang rape and humility" path, doesn't mean you need to do the same in your game.
And speaking of creepy paths, here's an excerpt from your story:

hann "But I do have blurry... Feeling. Of mother kissing me."
hann "I don't think that happened although. But as you told me."
hann "It maybe true."
hide hann_anna_sitonbed_hannahtalk
show hann_anna_sitonbed_annatalk
anna "I had this actually. She told me."
anna "She had an attepmted rape on me."

It's funny that in the story you can have relationship with the mother. The one, according to the text, attempted to rape the MC when she was underage.

But it's fine, because the mother isn't male, you know.

-S

 

[TearStar]

W-wha?
There was a new release? When did that happen and why wasn't I informed of it?

*Sigh* So this happened, I guess.
As I'm listed as a "proofreader" in this project, I need to have my say in this one: The "proofreading" isn't done. There are quite a few more big files that need to go through, and there are 2 reasons for me not being able to attend them in time:
1) Busy, and
2) The story often left me scratching my head, thus taking its toil on the progress.

With that said, that's all I am. A proofreader. I have, however, brought up the incredibly rushed story line and relationships that seemingly pop out of nowhere. Like it has been said:

If that would happen once, that'd tolerable. But it seems to happen with every encounter with a female. It's basically this:
"Hi, I'm <mc name here>"
"OMG, you're gorgeous. I can't wait to sleep with you!"
"I kno, rite?"

Whut.


Let me get this straight: You didn't want to include any male characters (aside of Oliver) just because of some game, completely unrelated to yours, had a path for the female protagonist to go down the "being raped or gangbang rape and humility" path, doesn't mean you need to do the same in your game.
And speaking of creepy paths, here's an excerpt from your story:


It's funny that in the story you can have relationship with the mother. The one, according to the text, attempted to rape the MC when she was underage.

But it's fine, because the mother isn't male, you know.

-S

Because you were busy I searched for someone who could help me he did everything else, exception is what you did, he did not revisit those.

I don't include male paths because I don't feel like I want to.

I'm fairly certain that I did changed those lines because I felt it wrong but I didn't commited PC changes so on laptop it wasn't changed.

Spoiler: Personal Spoiler For You SS

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[solid_snake]

Spoiler: For TS

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-S

 

[wep]

Could you please solve your private problems in emh private?
This thread is not really the right place.

 

[solid_snake]

Could you please solve your private problem in emh private?
This thread it is not really the right place.

I had already said my peace.

-S

 

[supercheese123]

Damn how did i missed this game.
Loving lesbian games.

(a futa would be still nice)

 

[anominous]

oh so the game breaks if you sleep with the niece first... okay

 

[PervySage]

oh so the game breaks if you sleep with the niece first... okay

Apparently it breaks if you sleep with either.

 

[TearStar]

oh so the game breaks if you sleep with the niece first... okay

Apparently it breaks if you sleep with either.

What do you mean by 'break'?

 

[PervySage]

You can't get the other scene and so you cant progress

 

[TearStar]

Just like I said: You have to spend time with actions. Look at the walkthrough and Quest Log to get a grasp. You have to wait until Evening on both to quest to trigger. Purple Lightnings on Both MC's room or Anna's Room (only there are). You can see daytime at top left. It's the only way to do it yet.

 

[TearStar]

So I finally got around to playing the new update, and to be perfectly honest, it did not inspire much hope. I'll try to address each point one by one, in hopes it gets "fixed" in future releases, but seeing as how the developer sees any criticism as a hurtful personal attack, I wouldn't hold my breath. I's love to be wrong, though.
For starters, the backstory does not work. It could potentially work if Oliver was an old, decrepit and lonely millionaire type of guy who takes pity on Anna and her family, but even then, what is he getting out of it? Why is he helping her? Why does he give a shit? Legally speaking, squatters can create a lot of problems, if given the chance.
The setting and backstory need to be at the very least mildly believable, otherwise people won't buy into anything that happens. This means clearly establishing the character's goals and obstacles early on, and letting conflict come from either antagonistic forces (society, economic hardships, etc), or difficult interpersonal relationships.
Secondly, every interaction with females is incredibly rushed. There's no sexual tension, no teasing, and the dialogue feels forced. One could forgive other women having an interest in Anna almost right away, but the family members themselves would require a lot more work and fleshing out before they even think of engaging in incest.
As people have said before, Melissa and Danielle are immediately willing to explore their sexual feelings towards Anna, even though they didn't show any hint of that before. And Anna is essentially a sexual predator - she has no guilt, no conscience, and no reluctance to suddenly engage in incest. That makes all of them one-dimensional.
Thirdly, I'm not a fan of the graphics. They could be much better (better poses, expressions, and lighting). Part of the problem is that the cardboard cut-outs do not look good. And the few fully-rendered scenes have a lot of noise and the same renders are repeated in many scenes. All of this makes the game feel cheap and rushed.
One solution would be to get rid of the static backgrounds, make full renders of each empty location, and do entire scene renders when characters are hugging, kissing, or physically interacting with one another. For the cut outs - the static characters in the screen, I would stick to a medium shot of them (upwards from their torso).
Fourthly, I would suggest you use better models. They characters look a bit dated - I think they might be Genesis 2, or even Genesis 1, and for the love of God, please add some nipples to them (and genitals, of course). Also, give them a bit of variety in terms of clothing. Having the characters wear the same thing every day is lazy.
Also, I don't believe for a second that Anna is related to any of her family members. Every character looks wildly out of place in the family, and it's not enough to say that Danielle is Hannah's daughter just because they're both blondes. Making the characters look consistent within the family takes a lot of work, but it's worth it.
Finally, the little story that's fleshed out is very concerning. I'm mostly talking about the Blackburn family history, and Cornelia's backstory. I mean, she attempted to rape her 12-year old daughter, Anna. This is a very shocking and disgusting revelation that completely destroys whatever good will your game has garnered so far.
We're talking about a 102-year old pedophile (whom does not look a day over 30, by the way) who attempted to rape her per-pubescent daughter, and then seeks "to reconnect", and asks for forgiveness. And everything gets resolved right away after talking to Anna for 5 minutes. This is not just unbelievable - it's intellectually offensive.
The problem is that you do not need such a disturbing - not to mention illegal, backstory. The Blackburn family does not need to be incestuous pedophiles. They could simply be an ancient royal family that engages in the occult, so they induct their daughters into the family tradition (sex magick and dark rituals) once they turn 18.
Cornelia, wanting to protect her daughters, takes them out of the country, and abandons them because she knows the family will seek revenge. Her abandoning her family is out of love, a way to protect them, which would them make the Blackburn family the antagonists/villains of the story. Once it's safe to return, she finally comes back.
Now, having said all of that, there were a couple of things I liked. I liked the large number of females that Anna can romance. I liked that you changed the nephew to a niece, and that you have no men as potential sexual partners in the game. I also liked the strong emphasis on lesbian incest (even if it's somewhat awkwardly done).
Overall, TearStar, your game needs a lot of work. I didn't even touch upon the broken English and awkward syntax, but the majority of your problems stem from story and character development, not language. I would strongly suggest remaking the game from scratch, and making it a more streamlined traditional visual novel.
The game mechanics you have are very difficult to pull off (well), so you're just shooting yourself in the foot by adding money, time and action variables. Hell, even this early on in the development process, I encountered a couple of bugs. I can only imagine how troublesome and unyielding the following updates will get later down the line.
Also, you shouldn't be picking fights with people who criticize your game. Everyone on this site is entitled to their own opinion, and completely free to express it. If you are unable to separate constructive criticism from personal attacks, then you might actually be in the wrong place (this forum), and in the wrong path (game development).
Again, all of my comments are meant to point out flaws in the story, so that you fix them, and make a better game. There are many mediocre games on this site that are ridiculous, or unbelievably stupid, but the games I suggested to you are definitely not. Listen and learn from others, and work hard to improve your talents.
Anyways, that's it from me. I wish you the best of luck.

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[rcbcgreenpanzer]

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Trying is always better than not trying. If you get disheartened after getting partway into a project, write down what you thought could go wrong compared to what you think is going wrong, compared to what outside people think isn't quite right. Everyone has a first, and everyone's firsts suck. Hopefully, in new and different ways, as we as a community learn. The worst result from a project isn't failure, it's failure that doesn't get built upon. Everyone has setbacks, things they struggle with. Whether you feel up to giving it another go, strengthened by the lessons newly learned, or if you can communicate to others embarking on similar journeys some of the pitfalls that caused you to stumble, it was not a waste.

I've seen quite a few projects posted here with wonky English. Some of them were even by native speakers. I would recommend against searching for one great proofreader; instead, try to find a bunch of willing people and send them small chunks of text (basically, a screenful) at a time. More people = more resiliency; Smaller chunks = less overwhelming + faster turnaround. Proper editing demands a close cooperation between the writer and the editor, and that requires cultivating a relationship over time, rather than jumping from 0 to 60. Proofreading, on the other hand, focuses on each sentence one at a time, and having one proofreader help you with one screen and another with the next won't be that bad.

Best of luck! Whether you keep improving this, or try something new, stay optimistic!

 

[fortuna95]

I don't understand, there was a new update yesterday but now it's abandoned?