4.00 star(s) 20 Votes

Rozhok

Active Member
Jun 29, 2017
694
1,459
Small rework/update posted on the Patreon page:
 

Gosamr

Member
May 6, 2021
334
472
Perhaps in a far off land...
In a time yet to come...
In a society still "unenlightened"...
Sensei might actually mean...Mother.
 
  • Thinking Face
Reactions: utiola

thehsplt

Member
Mar 30, 2019
134
158
I've been waiting for this I still have 0.1 in my archived games from September of last year. Keep up the good work mand story.
 

CeeLaw

New Member
Feb 12, 2018
2
3
I saw this and loved the work so much I wanted to comment for the first time after a long period of lurking. Hopefully I don't break any etiquette

Absolutely stunning visually, really captures the imagination. Shame though that the sex scenes don't have enough context buildup to really have the impact the visuals deserve.

-You will submit to me
-You are submitting to me
-You submitted to me

Is great for the storyboard phase (which admittedly given this is way early in development its totally fair), but for public consumption this can hit so much sexier if you breathe more life into the characters participating in the scene.

Knowing WHY someone wants to dominate and how it makes them feel can be as important as watching someone being dominated. Same goes for those dominated.

Example:

Kaylee's motivations/plans
-You will submit to me. I need to prove myself to my boss, and I've decided that turning my bosses enemy (sensei)'s wannabe fighter into my loyal and willing student/servant would be the ultimate display of my growing power as befits my ambition.
vs
-My motivation is to put the student into common compromising femdom fantasies because he is my enemy and a prisoner.

You can write scenes/dialogues to achieve this by following the internal logic of Kaylee's motivations (whatever they may be this is just an example) so the scenes become built around her strategy/plan and demonstrate her needs/wants vs the students. So her hypothetical approaches might be as below

A) Demonstrate his weakness/my superiority by making him want me sexually despite his loyalty to his sensei. Frame this around his integrity/loyalty vs my beauty/taste (since you've already got the finger sucking scene). His weakness in the face of my temptation.
B) If he makes any, even small steps toward succumbing in A) reward him with the right to cunnilingus for more information or to duel so that he can fight for his honour or to get stronger. If he doesn't succumb, after some time building up blue balls, offer him a duel regardless with an offer for information if he succeeds and with the right to use him as she sees fit if he loses. Demonstrates his martial weakness and her strength.
C) Tie in his growing strength in fighting with more sexual rewards/release and further binding associations. "How are you going to save your sensei if you can't even beat me? You want her back? You need to get stronger and I'll train you, but you have to listen to me and do things my way."

This stuff doesn't have to be said explicitly, and in fact, is better achieved by simply creating scenes and dialogue that are built on the knowledge that this is what 'Kaylee' or whichever character at the time is attempting to do. I'm not suggesting "Just make more content bro! Make more scenes and images to support them!" This should be achieveable with the same renders or minor alterations/different angles.

I want you to be fucked by me. You are being fucked by me right now. You were fucked by me. Becomes "I want you to succumb to my will sexually and martially because it turns me on to know I'm just so hot and awesome and you're just so predictable, plus it'll look good to my boss!"

I don't mean to suggest that what's been done so far is completely devoid of contexts, clearly it has the foundations there for these contexts, but I know personally when I write I sometimes get so excited to finish my work that I don't realise I've only written placeholder scenes that tell the audience what I want them to imagine, rather than showing them what I want them to see.

At least, that's how I see it. I hope this doesn't come across as just stating a personal preference or shit talking the work, its beautiful, I just commented because I feel like I can see the potential for some truly stunning and sexy dialogue to really hammer it home. Hopefully I've not broken some etiquette. Apologies if I have.

TL;DR First post in the forum because the work is beautiful, I think it could be improved by exploring and demonstrating characters motivations/goals to make the sex/fight scenes pack a sexier punch not just tidying up dialogue.
 
4.00 star(s) 20 Votes