- Aug 27, 2018
- 98
- 146
I really like the idea of a polyamorous lesbian harem-ish game. And the art is very nice. The one sex scene that's there is very good imo. But I do have some criticism: the pacing is, well, excruciating. These characters seem to talk in circles, doing lots of name-dropping and exposition that I know I'm not gonna remember by the next time the game updates. Part of this is setting the story and telling it from flashbacks within a flashback, which is a stylistic choice and personal taste, just definitely not something I would've chosen.
It gets better in the later part with "Megumin". I like her arc. But most of the stuff that came before that really dragged, and even it isn't as tight as I think it could've been. And I'm sympathetic, it's hard as a writer to know when to cut stuff. Small projects like this don't have editors after all. But maybe, if I could offer some constructive feedback (and I'm trying to be succinct and polite here), maybe let the story progress at a bit more of a brisk pace. I like character dialogue, and I like it when characters develop through how they interact with others, but I'd try to make it more snappy. To give an example, the early scene where the character gets their arm chopped off felt like it went on forever.
Still, there's enough good in here that I'm interested in following. I just hope that it develops in the direction of the later scenes and the early rough spots are behind us.
It gets better in the later part with "Megumin". I like her arc. But most of the stuff that came before that really dragged, and even it isn't as tight as I think it could've been. And I'm sympathetic, it's hard as a writer to know when to cut stuff. Small projects like this don't have editors after all. But maybe, if I could offer some constructive feedback (and I'm trying to be succinct and polite here), maybe let the story progress at a bit more of a brisk pace. I like character dialogue, and I like it when characters develop through how they interact with others, but I'd try to make it more snappy. To give an example, the early scene where the character gets their arm chopped off felt like it went on forever.
Still, there's enough good in here that I'm interested in following. I just hope that it develops in the direction of the later scenes and the early rough spots are behind us.
