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VN Ren'Py Abandoned Home Trainer - Domestic Corruption [v0.2.1] [Deviant_smite]

4.70 star(s) 28 Votes

Guyin Cognito

Gentleman Pervert
Donor
Feb 23, 2018
853
1,599
Beware of commas. Even when technically grammatically correct, heavy use of commas leads to stunted and awkward text. I attempt to avoid them except when absolutely necessary to create a deliberate pause or prevent ambiguity. I may not always succeed :).

I'd far rather write something that's pleasing to read than something that's technically correct.
This is true. I recently heard that it is considered amateurish to use bold and italics to add tone to character dialogue. My lengthy rebuttal amounted to mostly, "the hell with that! Come on, read a comic book!" At any rate, my suggestions I'm preparing add a lot of commas. Like, a whole lot. You may want to consider personal style choice when you see my notes. The only things I would press on are:
1. Cases of personal address, regardless of form, "Hello, Jane. Yes, mom. Sure, hon."
2. Joining complete sentences with a conjunction, "I will do that, and I will do this."
3. Lists of three or more. People often forget the last comma before the "and," but I feel it's important.
After that, clarity is king.
 

Gary Bertrand

Active Member
Sep 30, 2017
734
367
Dear DEV Love the game so far But when david is thinking it says Ayleen name insted its anoying just thought id let you now so you can fix it for next update thank you in advance
 

darlic

Well-Known Member
Feb 27, 2017
1,903
3,221
I'm not trying to stretch the game out into infinity. I want it to get wild, and reasonably fast. I personally consider a spanking like the one Ayleen administers kindergarten level stuff, if I'd make it a whole 'thing', I'd have my work cut out for the next three years to get anywhere.
I think I might love you. If only the other devs had the same way of thinking, we wouldn't end up with so many good games being left abandoned...

By the way, this game's great! I can see a huge potential for its future, definitely keeping an eye on this. Bravo!
 
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Guyin Cognito

Gentleman Pervert
Donor
Feb 23, 2018
853
1,599
When David is imagining what it might be like to dom Nina, and he imagines an even bigger penis than he already has, the dialogue made me laugh.
Nina: I think I need to feel reeeeally sorry.
David: Don't worry, you will.
:: giant penis comes into view ::
Nina: ... oh, shit.

Personally, I don't take issue with the ridiculous penis's in these games, but I do think it would be hilarious to spend an entire two or three updates building a relationship with a girl, then have her see one of these Bigdick McGiantcocks pop out, and she just screams bloody murder, slaps and kicks wildly, runs out of the house naked, and you never see her character again. Just imagine all the B&M from her fans, ha ha ha ha! I might be mean sometimes...
 

Sheppard3rd

Member
Jul 2, 2017
289
296
Yea the game is alright and the charachters are those that i not seen before, but jezus can people stop using those rocket dicks...
 

Mathesar

Active Member
Mar 20, 2018
747
1,610
Wholeheartedly disagree. I want to be a dom, not an abuser. Consent is key for making it hot.
Both work for me, but it has to be one or the other, not waffling between them. Being loving to some characters and abusive to others feels worse to me than being abusive to everyone. I have no idea why. In Parental Love, the lying and going behind Emily's back actually bothered me more than the other questionable stuff. On the other hand, Raptus seems interesting. And there's my previous post on this thread.

I've got to say, one thing I really like about this is the consent. It's obvious that the household is depraved, but Ayleen refuses to go into it until Nina confirms that she wants MC to be involved, then gives MC the choice of how involved he wants to be, including shutting the whole thing down until he's gone. And then she proposes a safeword to make absolutely sure everyone is comfortable. Nothing at all happens without everyone being on the same page, which is refreshing after so many games involve going behind everyone's backs or molesting people while they sleep.
Maybe I just like consistency?
 

Guyin Cognito

Gentleman Pervert
Donor
Feb 23, 2018
853
1,599
Both work for me, but it has to be one or the other, not waffling between them. Being loving to some characters and abusive to others feels worse to me than being abusive to everyone. I have no idea why. In Parental Love, the lying and going behind Emily's back actually bothered me more than the other questionable stuff. On the other hand, Raptus seems interesting. And there's my previous post on this thread.



Maybe I just like consistency?
I totally agree, especially with ... "household" ... games. There's SO much spy cameras, sleeping pills, blackmail, sometimes in both directions! Now, if one girl was like Nina, and wanted that, but another one wanted to get spoiled or reverse the roles, than I'm cool with giving each person what they want. Like you say, though, consent all around.

And also ...
I love we get to cum on Ayleen.
Oh, I swear (What he means)
THANK you, for that. :p I hate it when no one makes the obvious joke. I feel like Roger Rabbit trying not scream "TWO BITS!"
 
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VN..reader

Active Member
Aug 28, 2020
550
553
i am surprised. this is so far a GREAT game. not one i would have set in my tags, but i am so glad i found it. however, thoughts, like others before have stated, beware Patreon with this content. i can't suggest who else to make $ with but look! also please make Ninas breasts bigger, maybe a full 'B' cup and her hips a little wider, so she is NOT so child like. she is cute but it would be safer to have her a little more 'womanly'... keep going with this, it is a nice change from other 'games' out there. Good Work.
 
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quorkboy

Active Member
Sep 26, 2020
801
1,623
People saying Ayleen looks 20 is another example of perception differences. I paid particular attention to her face in the update and she looks early to mid 30s to me. As experience has shown that you can't so easily judge a person's real age based on appearance it doesn't at all stretch belief that she could be closer to 40 than 30.
 

WINTEX

Active Member
May 26, 2017
534
937
It is said that "New, slightly less childish portraits for Nina." were added, but right now there is no portraits for her at all. There should be some bug there.
screenshot0001.png
 
4.70 star(s) 28 Votes