Anyone is welcome to criticize my story as being badly written, but I am bothered by comments that suggest I was trying to appeal to a particular fetish. I don't think anything about the story up until this point suggests that, and in fact suggests the opposite.
Unfortunately, the ending of Episode Four has not been understood in the way I intended it to be. It's intended to be a dark story beat, an emotional gut punch for the MC and the player. I wrote six pages on this for my supporters but I'll give a brief TLDR:
Hey Impious Monk, first I want to say: congrats on writing this game (and good luck on carrying it to completion). I started it hesitantly, with many elements feeling a bit off to me both aesthetically (the character's physique felt a bit too "caricaturally gigachad" -or as elegantly refered in game "kind of a ken thing going on"-, the LIs didn't really do it for me physically -except Jamie, then later came Malena-) and thematically (must admit both the lost-father-maybe-alive mystery and the "super-duper-giga-elite small group getting their hands bloody for OUR FREEDOMS/shady gov ops" are pretty used tropes that can easily be annoying and immersion-breaking). And I must say...the story and the character's turmoils really grew on me, in particular in part 3&4. The very detailed judicial technical-aspects approach work pretty well for a slow and deep immersion (remind me of Tom Clancy's process tbh, tho obviously a narrator-driven book lend itself much more to that, it still work here), the characters are well written, likeable and more importantly justified in their actions by credible motivations. The irrationnal moves are pointed out as irrationnal (or understood tacitly in the context as such) and the radical changes and twists are consistently handled in a way they reinforce, rather than break, the willing suspension of disbelief (many yellow flag get raised only to be disamorced in-universe later).
The game also has unquestionnal "cinematical" qualities to it, the pace, staging, atmosphere is well handled, and seem to get better and better as the game advance. Maybe it's due to the game growing on me, but I think it's in big part YOU substantially improving your craft through the project. It is rare for a game in general, and in this site in particular, to have me emotionnally immersed in the story and characters in such a way. I do not say that to be pompous or superlative (tbh part of me is still feeling mitigated toward the game), but in my opinion, by definition when a work reach into others people's gut and provoke a raw feeling of emotionnal implication, that is when you've created art. So congratulations on that, it is no easy feat.
The fact that the erotic/sex scenes are hot and press my buttons doesn't hurt in the slightest, obviously
And while the game is mostly a linear visual novel (with minor branches on LI choices), the pivotal "empathic friend-family man/Self-reliant workaholic" fork bring a much-welcome character-defining choice to make it an actual game. I hope the logical difference in scenes/MC actions in both paths is maintaining consistantly, even if it's bound to add up work and time.
Some feedback/criticism on my part, mostly on the ongoing immersion-breaking yellow flags:
Well, I could probably speak of other points but I feel like I've been blabbering enough haha. Guess I gotta put my money where my mouth is now and go buy the game to support it
Again, good job on it, and eager for chapter 5!
