VN Ren'Py Abandoned Long Lost Daughter [Ch 1-8 fix] [Tawny Fairquim Frolics]

[Starstorm]

RTFG p. 33...ah, that felt good!

lol, happy to help

 

[Starstorm]

Spoiler: Image

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On the other hand, the praised document doesn't contain the answers I seek. I was talking about the girls with the white and violet hair in this picture.

 

[FormerlyknownasOlheden]

Took the time to read thru the game guide and realised there's a whole timeline I've missed. Now that is some excellent news and will help pass the time until the new update.

 

[Tawny Fairquim Frolics]

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On the other hand, the praised document doesn't contain the answers I seek. I was talking about the girls with the white and violet hair in this picture.

Oh, those two girls. Those are among the many walk-on girls that frequently appear in this VN. Unless I get a swarm of demand for any of them, they are not fuckable.

 

[Tawny Fairquim Frolics]

Took the time to read thru the game guide and realised there's a whole timeline I've missed. Now that is some excellent news and will help pass the time until the new update.

That's troubling to me that a close follower of this thread such as yourself was not aware of how to access the alternate Kumiko timeline. I thought I had made it pretty clear on how to do so, but obviously I was mistaken. I'm really glad I took the time to make the game guide now.

 

[FormerlyknownasOlheden]

That's troubling to me that a close follower of this thread such as yourself was not aware of how to access the alternate Kumiko timeline. I thought I had made it pretty clear on how to do so, but obviously I was mistaken. I'm really glad I took the time to make the game guide now.

Probably me being a bit too eager to get on with what I perceived as "main" storyline to fully explore all other options. I had done it once previously and went back and replayed a section (think we spoke about it this summer), but I had missed there was an entirely other path to take with another choice at a different section. But, yeah, the guide proved helpful to me so I'm sure it will be to others a well.

 

[Smilingjack4]

That's troubling to me that a close follower of this thread such as yourself was not aware of how to access the alternate Kumiko timeline. I thought I had made it pretty clear on how to do so, but obviously I was mistaken. I'm really glad I took the time to make the game guide now.

I'd like to give you some advice about the writing. You are quite a good writer when you touch on topics you're interested in. Thing is, you take for granted some things that should have had a greater impact on the characters, or at least needed a bit more lengthy scenes. It feels like you're being too polite and in being afraid of boring the player, you rush over certain scenes that seem evident in their conclusion. This is good when it's about mundane things.

Very bad when it's about breaking the almost lifelong insanity with something so easy as a flashback. It cheapens the character, as you've set up all this malice from her then boom, instantly becomes good and is forgiven. Up until she realised she "became" the matriarch it was a great scene. Then "Oh ya mom you cray but we good. Tuesday huh?"

Sorry if I'm rambling, I'm pretty sure I have a minor PTSD right now, but the point of this all is, to treat the characters you give life to with some respect. The twin should have had a moment, you could have explored her character in a straightforward and expository manner, without it being an info dump. It could have reinforced the MC's character as he consoles her, could have given the daughter depth as she works through the emotions from the abuse she suffered, it could have been a very humanizing scene for all 3. Instead "guddunit, it okei". Felt like a slap in the face, especially because you write so well when you put the effort in.

Also no more than 1 blueballing scene/chapter, please?

 

[Tawny Fairquim Frolics]

I'd like to give you some advice about the writing. You are quite a good writer when you touch on topics you're interested in. Thing is, you take for granted some things that should have had a greater impact on the characters, or at least needed a bit more lengthy scenes. It feels like you're being too polite and in being afraid of boring the player, you rush over certain scenes that seem evident in their conclusion. This is good when it's about mundane things.

Very bad when it's about breaking the almost lifelong insanity with something so easy as a flashback. It cheapens the character, as you've set up all this malice from her then boom, instantly becomes good and is forgiven. Up until she realised she "became" the matriarch it was a great scene. Then "Oh ya mom you cray but we good. Tuesday huh?"

Sorry if I'm rambling, I'm pretty sure I have a minor PTSD right now, but the point of this all is, to treat the characters you give life to with some respect. The twin should have had a moment, you could have explored her character in a straightforward and expository manner, without it being an info dump. It could have reinforced the MC's character as he consoles her, could have given the daughter depth as she works through the emotions from the abuse she suffered, it could have been a very humanizing scene for all 3. Instead "guddunit, it okei". Felt like a slap in the face, especially because you write so well when you put the effort in.

Also no more than 1 blueballing scene/chapter, please?

Thank you for your thoughtful feedback.

I understand your point of view and would ordinarily sign on with it. But this VN is based on a cartoon strip and has that level of depth and mentality so the glossing over of what should be longer and in depth discussions is a result of it springing from that genre. I'm trying to add a bit of depth and thoughtfulness to this VN, but bottom line it's all about getting to the next porn scene.

That being said, as you will see in Chapter 5, Azaleah's sudden lucidity only gave her a bit of self awareness but did not really change her that much. She continues to be the "bad guy" as her and LLD have a falling out, so all is definitely not forgiven.

Blueballing is fun, but with so many females now lusting after the MC, it will not occur as frequently from now on.

 

[Smilingjack4]

Thank you for your thoughtful feedback.

I understand your point of view and would ordinarily sign on with it. But this VN is based on a cartoon strip and has that level of depth and mentality so the glossing over of what should be longer and in depth discussions is a result of it springing from that genre. I'm trying to add a bit of depth and thoughtfulness to this VN, but bottom line it's all about getting to the next porn scene.

It is very good that you're clear on what the purpose of these games is, but being based on a comic strip should give you the world and characters you borrow, not the writing style/pacing. I really don't understand how what the work is based on is even relevant to the structure of the story you are telling, especially when you already found the perfect answer for those who just wanna get to the good stuff with your color-coded options.

Anyway,

 

[Tawny Fairquim Frolics]

It is very good that you're clear on what the purpose of these games is, but being based on a comic strip should give you the world and characters you borrow, not the writing style/pacing. I really don't understand how what the work is based on is even relevant to the structure of the story you are telling, especially when you already found the perfect answer for those who just wanna get to the good stuff with your color-coded options.

Anyway,
View attachment 938799

I took another look at the Azaleah escaping insanity scene with your critique in mind and I still wouldn't write it any differently. Perhaps you don't believe that a person can have a sudden awakening like that, but I know from personal experience that one can. Bill Wilson, the founder of Alcoholics Anonymous, had the same kind of experience and never drank again. Eckhart Tolle is another example of this.

Both the LLD and MC are both being true to their characters by instantly forgiving Azaleah for her misdeeds by ascribing it to her insanity. Both characters also believe that resentment is just another form of insanity and do their best to avoid it. Keep in mind that the MC and LLD are very spiritual and peculiar characters and will not react as most people would.

My own sudden spiritual awakening did not make everything all fine and dandy. It was just a step in the right direction and new ridiculously unwise decisions and regression followed. So it will be with Azaleah as she tries to reconcile her new self-awareness with her long-held religious beliefs and, of course, her strong romantic feelings for her twin brother the MC.

Thank you for your interest in this VN and I will certainly keep your point of view in mind as I continue my new "career".

 

[Tawny Fairquim Frolics]

Update Report and Preview

My wife apparently has signed on to my new "career" as an eroge game developer by getting me a drawing tablet for my birthday:



Whether this will lead to the first LLD internal view of a pregnancy creampie will be determined by my ability to learn to use the thing to actually draw something.

In "real" life my 28-year old daughter finally got her Cyberpunk 2077 game and will tell me all about it when she treats me to a meal at Golden Corral later today. She just bought a house with her transgender girlfriend who will be joining my wife and I for the event. I wonder what the over/under will be in minutes until I stick my foot in my mouth?

 

[3DbPNuRHhpW]

Well, as long as you remembered to buy some foot ketchup....

 

[Starstorm]

I'm sure we're all thankful to your wife for supporting you!

Also looking forward to what delicacies this new development tool will bring in the future....

 

[PariahLies]

Would've liked it more if religion wasn't such a grossly saturated part of the story. If this wasn't a personal problem this would be a rating, but my own views shouldn't affect the rated quality visible to the general public.

 

[Tawny Fairquim Frolics]

Would've liked it more if religion wasn't such a grossly saturated part of the story. If this wasn't a personal problem this would be a rating, but my own views shouldn't affect the rated quality visible to the general public.

I knew going into it that this was a niche project. I can totally understand why mixing religion, spirituality and sexuality would make many people uncomfortable.

This is my attempt to reconcile those things and show that people can be "perverts" and still make spiritual progress in their lives that include oftentimes taboo sexuality.

 

[Perfidy]

I think it's fine.

 

[Spfjolietjake]

I knew going into it that this was a niche project. I can totally understand why mixing religion, spirituality and sexuality would make many people uncomfortable.

This is my attempt to reconcile those things and show that people can be "perverts" and still make spiritual progress in their lives that include oftentimes taboo sexuality.

It's your story, your baby, your right to write what you want. Censorship, Even self censorship is the devil.

 

[Tawny Fairquim Frolics]

Update Report and Preview

Girly girl version Valentina and It Girl Monique each sit on a knee leaving snail trails there in anticipation of being deflowered by their lucky teacher:



Making steady progress for the Chapter 5 update but increased demands on my time during the holiday season will delay the next release.

I'm not going to burn myself out by trying to hold to my arbitrary 6-8 week deadline but I'm still thinking somewhere around January 20th is doable.

 

[Spfjolietjake]

Update Report and Preview

Girly girl version Valentina and It Girl Monique each sit on a knee leaving snail trails there in anticipation of being deflowered by their lucky teacher:

View attachment 948273

Making steady progress for the Chapter 5 update but increased demands on my time during the holiday season will delay the next release.

I'm not going to burn myself out by trying to hold to my arbitrary 6-8 week deadline but I'm still thinking somewhere around January 20th is doable.

Don't burn yourself out, that's never a good thing no matter who doesn't like waiting.

 

[Starstorm]

Update Report and Preview

Girly girl version Valentina and It Girl Monique each sit on a knee leaving snail trails there in anticipation of being deflowered by their lucky teacher:

View attachment 948273

Making steady progress for the Chapter 5 update but increased demands on my time during the holiday season will delay the next release.

I'm not going to burn myself out by trying to hold to my arbitrary 6-8 week deadline but I'm still thinking somewhere around January 20th is doable.

A somewhat longer delay just means that the eventual release is that much sweeter! Rock on!

Can't wait to see those two get what's coming for them...