VN Ren'Py Abandoned Moving Out [Day 9b] [APA]

[Krynh]

"loser" he's not loose (as in not tight)

Minor nit-pick, but it's "Hawaiian" (always capitalized).

Yeah my bad


On the sofa


As a suggestion, I think "yea" should be "yeah"


"I've got.." and "red"


Remove the "for" i.e "Is it really best business to shame your customers?"


Either just "conscience" or "subconcious"



"You weren't..."


I think "nh!" rather than "Ih!" for involuntary noises



asleep



you were



no-one



Unless he's gone mad and rhyming everything. Forever



were

 

[bobdillan]

this coming from a guy that wants more lesbian action in his harem games, but you know, inside the actual harem

Just gonna mention... you probably into polyamory just with MC being the only male, and not harem. Since harem is the LIs exclusive to MC, i.e. not being shared with eachother, only time they do anything and it still being harem, would be if they were with MC while doing it. i.e. MFF threesome.

Certain actions though can't be harem either way, like strap-on content. That being said, doesn't mean you can't have that as an optional route in a harem game, just that it wouldn't be the harem route.

and Bestiality planned

How to kill a harem/incest game in one easy step. (I would argue that is worse than NTR for these demographics... cause at least the dick was still human, and who wants an LI in their harem that would fuck an animal? wait... that wouldn't be harem then ).

 

[Krynh]

each other



at least



as well



especially



paying



genuinely



"Thank you..."



I



"...any weapons."



"team effort"


who's



"Yeah we had some fun ..." "Starr invited me over to yours tomorrow for a girl's night."



"I look forward to it!" (remove the I'll)

 

[YogSothoth1982]

Perhaps you are right. It's just some people (like me) find beautiful girls kissing extremely hot. And as a story element, that experience could help the girl to kiss MC more readily (in the future).

So I wouldn't mind that first lesbian scene, especially if it lead to a harem development. (Their second scene was pretty unpleasant for me though).

I find watching two beautiful women kiss each other as exciting as looking at two bricks close together, as close together as you want.

 

[Krynh]

Luna's



Err, I don't know what you mean by encoded. So that should be "Wait you don't have my number saved?"



"hit it off."


he's


him



home


familiar


"...didn't mean to stare"


as well is always two words



after all



"of course"


that're
(she's selling many, not one)



"I hope she's not serious"
('I don't hope' is an odd sentence)


one "r" in "interesting"



"nowadays"



"man's"


"... and in the worst case.."


girl's


"...help pay for the food for him as well."



"...butt plug to its rightful place" (don't hyphenate)

 

[Fazed]

I find watching two beautiful women kiss each other as exciting as looking at two bricks close together, as close together as you want.

Different strokes man.

 

[YogSothoth1982]

Different strokes man.

I'm not sure what you mean.

The bricks are used to make walls, I have not confused the word, right?

 

[alexglig]

No dogo bang-bang?

 

[Fazed]

I'm not sure what you mean.

The bricks are used to make walls, I have not confused the word, right?

The full phrase is "Different strokes for different folks"
It's a phrase that means different people like different things, pretty much.

I did find your brick analogy to be funny though. I actually laughed a bit.

Yes, your use of the word "brick" is fine.

 

[Simulacrum29]

I'm not sure what you mean.

The bricks are used to make walls, I have not confused the word, right?

he said different people, like different things, the most common phrase for that is "different strokes for different folks"

 

[Krynh]

tingling



quiet


of course


lying
(laying is to put something down)


blitz? From context I think you mean "flash".

"And probably make sure there's no flash..."


"Oh shit it's not on mute!"
(don't think I've ever heard someone say on sound)


"and it's still..." remove the space between "it's" and "still"



I'm


ridiculous


I'll


I'm


"Don't think everyone would find it appropiate.."


Its place


"ever looked"


let's



mashmallows


"It's a long story"



stacks not sticks (as the phrase goes)

i.e "Don't think that logic stacks..."



petted


Starr's


Mel


either "... the effect varies so much..." or "...the effects vary so much..."


hash brownie


remove the "a" so "And for some poor souls it almost like Viagra" also Viagra is needed to be capitalised


same again. No "a" before Viagra


"have herpes "



one


haven't


losing


innuendos


iffy


"Ahhh"


holy shit (lol)

 

[YogSothoth1982]

The full phrase is "Different strokes for different folks"
It's a phrase that means different people like different things, pretty much.

I did find your brick analogy to be funny though. I actually laughed a bit.

Yes, your use of the word "brick" is fine.

he said different people, like different things, the most common phrase for that is "different strokes for different folks"

Ok, since I didn't know the saying, I didn't get it.

It would be like the saying, "para gustos, los colores" (for tastes, the colors).

 

[CamaroFan432]

Gave it a try and I have mixed feelings. On the one side I'm interested in the story and the sisters are cute. On the other hand I'm annoyed, because there are "single" choices, which don't serve any purpose at all and choices build in without the actual scenes so the choices turn into "fake choices" for flags and show the "other" scene. I'm talking about the butt plug scene. Why didn't you finish and implement the scene before moving one? This feels almost like a coup out to force the player into the direction, you want them to go by giving them the illusion, that it would be avoidable in the future. It could also mean, that you're quite unorganized. Both options don't leave you in a good light. At least in my opinion. And I doubt, that the people who want to avoid the lesbian content, will bother, if their choices get ignored.

Believe it or not, there is a healthy amount of guys, that aren't into lesbian content.

For now, I will give you the benefit of a doubt and hope you will implement the missing scene until the next release. Please stop with fake and single choices, they're just annoying and are only there to avoid the "KN" tag. And please, for the all of our sake, release only content, if you have all the scenes ready, that are behind all available choices. Heck, if you need to, take more time between updates. I take longer dev time for the full content (of each release) over half finished versions, where I need to step 25 choices back, just to see, what my choices affected immediatly or at a later point.

This was quite a rant, and I apologize if I sound overly negative. I'm grateful for all people, that are creative and willing to put out content for all others. And I wish you best of luck.[/ISPOILER]

 

[Krynh]

Why didn't you finish and implement the scene before moving one?

What do you mean finish and implement?

Please stop with fake and single choices, they're just annoying and are only there to avoid the "KN" tag.

Many games present a choice before taking you down the same path anyway.

Just finished, feel a little let down by the beastiality tag, seeing as the content isn't actually in there yet. Although I suppose it's a warning to people. Other than that, quite enjoyable.

You could do with using a spell-checker though. I don't want to do it each time

 

[CamaroFan432]

What do you mean finish and implement?

If you read my spoiler, you would know, that the player is given a choice, to let Starr figure out how to use a butt plug by herself or let Daisy help her. If you choose to let her figure it out herself, a message from the dev shows up, that the scene isn't finished and therfor missing. Then it forces you down the other path. IMO, it would have been way more wise to finish the scene where Starr figures it out by herself and to implement the scene into the game NOW. And then move on, not show the choice and one scene, regardless of the choice, then move on with the content and come back in the next release or maybe even after the next 15 releases, to add the missing one.

 

[lamarks]

That one got me! (sad).
Seriously, bestiality? It was too much for me.
Thanks for fixing the tags and good luck!
Deleted.

 

[Morsin]

very hot, but the sisters' abs are way too defined haha. they got six packs or something, and it looks weird on them. very hot game though, very hot models too.

 

[teamur]

That one got me! (sad).
Seriously, bestiality? It was too much for me.
Thanks for fixing the tags and good luck!
Deleted.

It's not a problem as it is avoidable.

 

[Simulacrum29]

It's not a problem as it is avoidable.

for some that doesn't make a difference, because the girl is still willing to do it, even if it happens in another path.
And a girl that lets herself get railed by a dog is not really waif material.

 

[Krynh]

for some that doesn't make a difference, because the girl is still willing to do it, even if it happens in another path.
And a girl that lets herself get railed by a dog is not really waif material.

That's an alternate universe though.

message from the dev shows up, that the scene isn't finished and therfor missing. Then it forces you down the other path.

Ahh right. I agree, you can't be putting out a non-sandbox and not have the content ready. Although Starr elping was very hot (if a bit rough)