VN Ren'Py Abandoned My Sisters Put A Chastity Cage On Me [v0.4] [RommelCage]

[ChaosOpen]

The problem with this novel is the lack of choice, and it seems to be a problem with male sub in general. If you look at S&M there are all sorts of toys and devices to keep the sub in a world of pleasure or pain. This is because S&M is hot because of the dichotomy between the carrot and stick, that is akin to how one trains a dog. The sub is given a choice: obey and receive pleasure, disobey and receive pain, when the sub obeys your order it is hot as shit because they are willingly obeying you.

However, in your novel there is no choice for the MC, there is no reason to obey because there is no reward, at best he is offered to choose between pain now or pain later. You claim that he is a masochist and that he enjoys it but I don't believe you. I know it can be hard as an author and being in control of everything to understand, but unless you write in such a way that the reader follows the sister's commands because they CHOOSE to, then it won't be very stimulating, it will be like watching someone being tortured by violent psychopaths and even the most masochistic reader can tell the difference between S&M and torture. Also, keep in mind that the sisters MUST be trustworthy, if the sisters tell the MC they will give a reward or punishment, they must follow through with that.

In the end, a proper Mistress must offer both a sharp whip and sweet candy, she must be infallible and trustworthy, if at any point the reader doubts her superiority over them, then the entire fantasy is shattered.

 

[Sunshaded]

In the end, a proper Mistress must offer both a sharp whip and sweet candy, she must be infallible and trustworthy, if at any point the reader doubts her superiority over them, then the entire fantasy is shattered.

The idea that all dommes must be perfect manipulative dominatrixes is part of why I don't care for a lot of Western femdom porn. I don't mind if the domme is obviously flawed as a person, maybe even some crazy yandere, because that just makes her more excitingly unpredictable. If what she does is legally tantamount to rape or "torture", that's not a problem because this is fiction and there is no ethical code she has to follow; extreme situations just arouse me more. The idea she must always be superior is also unnecessary to me; I find it sexier when a domme is actually someone from an inferior position, like a maid or slave or subordinate or kouhai, and she turns the tables on her "superior" because there is a psychological weakness and desire to submit to her inside of him that she forces to the surface; I find that kind of ruination, that kind of unexpected downfall, especially sexy.

Everyone has a different opinion of what kind of power dynamic and character personalities they find sexy. Maybe the dev will take your opinion as an experienced game creator into consideration, but they're free to make whatever kind of story they want.

 

[ChaosOpen]

The idea that all dommes must be perfect manipulative dominatrixes is part of why I don't care for a lot of Western femdom porn. I don't mind if the domme is obviously flawed as a person, maybe even some crazy yandere, because that just makes her more excitingly unpredictable. If what she does is legally tantamount to rape or "torture", that's not a problem because this is fiction and there is no ethical code she has to follow; extreme situations just arouse me more.The idea she must always be superior is also unnecessary to me; I find it sexier when a domme is actually someone from an inferior position, like a maid or slave or subordinate or kouhai, and she turns the tables on her "superior" because there is a psychological weakness and desire to submit to her inside of him that she forces to the surface; I find that kind of ruination, that kind of unexpected downfall, especially sexy. Everyone has a different opinion of what kind of power dynamic and character personalities they find sexy. Maybe the dev will take your opinion as an experienced game creator into consideration, but they're free to make whatever kind of story they want.

I said superior and you assumed I meant someone in a higher social position when that wasn't what I said. What I meant by superior is someone who inspires fear and awe in the sub. Yet at the same time, they should also be someone the reader finds appealing. While the power dynamic can be anything you want, you still need something there, and it should be clearly defined why the Dom is in charge and the sub is willing to obey.

If the Dom says "if you march over I'll let you lick my feet, if you stay there I will put my shoes back on and leave," the writer is communicating several things that the reader needs to know. As a writer, you know everything about the sub including what he values and considers a reward. However, as a reader you wouldn't, so the reward, being able to lick her feet, tells the reader the sub's likes in what the Dom chooses as the reward. Yet, if he marches over and the Dom quietly puts her shoes on and leaves then that tells the reader that the reward for obeying is exactly the same result as disobeying, so what motivation is there to obey?

While later throwing that type of curve ball can be fun, at this point in the story the author is attempting to define four personalities including their desires and motivations, being inconsistent sabatoges that effort. And when the author is writing a story involving castration, you want the sisters to be so appealing to the reader that they are willing to put their nuts on the line just to see them happy. Yes it is fiction, and it won't REALLY happen, but part of fantasy is being able to put yourself in the story and imagine a world where it could. If you don't like the sisters enough to be willing to do that, then what is the point of reading the story?

As a writer, it is important for you to communicate just who these characters are AND make your audience like them. Failure to do that is a failure of the entire story because you break immersion. The reader can no longer place themselves in the protagonist's shoes because there is nothing there to empathize with. They also won't want to obey the Dom because they no longer respect her, viewing her as unreliable and inferior, wondering "how do I get out of this situation" rather than "how do I make the Mistress happy?" The easiest answer is to uninstall the game and find something different.

 

[Sunshaded]

As a writer, it is important for you to communicate just who these characters are AND make your audience like them. Failure to do that is a failure of the entire story because you break immersion. The reader can no longer place themselves in the protagonist's shoes because there is nothing there to empathize with. They also won't want to obey the Dom because they no longer respect her, viewing her as unreliable and inferior, wondering "how do I get out of this situation" rather than "how do I make the Mistress happy?" The easiest answer is to uninstall the game and find something different.

I actually heavily agree with this. Characterization and likability are major factors that affect enjoyment of a game like this. Especially likability. Earlier you mentioned a problem with choice or with male sub in general, and that was what I had a difference of opinion regarding.

There's one point I think you've overstated: that there's a "failure of the entire story" because "readers can no longer place themselves in the protagonist's shoes". Maybe aspects of characterization are somewhat lacking from an objective literary or narrative standpoint, but that doesn't mean no one can use their imagination to vaguely fill in the blanks and find overall enjoyment in this game. As it stands, I've seen plenty of positive impressions in this thread.

Furthermore, while likability is important, likability is also subjective. Some femdom fans, such as those who're more into gentle femdom, might dislike any girl who does anything that could be construed as abusive. But that just amounts to a personal preference regarding fictional tropes. I'd say there's a correlation between stories that people find offensive, and stories that are extreme enough to leave a strong impression with people who want to receive a strong impression.

 

[vickze]

Never thought that Female Domination could be this scary.. Is my first attempt.

This guy sisters are Insane. Probably the mother fault.. I think that only the redhead would pass one sanity check.

Add spikes to the cage is be Sadic and the other sister is even worst castrating him... I did not tried the other 2 options because I would not be surprised that all end like that.

However, in your novel there is no choice for the MC, there is no reason to obey because there is no reward, at best he is offered to choose between pain now or pain later. You claim that he is a masochist and that he enjoys it but I don't believe you.

In the end, a proper Mistress must offer both a sharp whip and sweet candy, she must be infallible and trustworthy, if at any point the reader doubts her superiority over them, then the entire fantasy is shattered.

View attachment 1315014

I am agree with you... PAIN but not any kind of REWARD?

I liked these 3 girls designs in the gallery but it was only a clickbait.. Is hard feel sympathy for them. They are only Sadic Prudes who hate males. Even revealing them the truth I am sure that the Futa would receive a better deal than the guy because is female.. Better than their own brother. How sad.


This image that you posted is from one game?

 

[qwsaq]

PAIN but not any kind of REWARD?

If you don't beg for them to touch your penis, you get a scene where the redhead jerks you off to completion.
The game is still in its infancy, but it does appear that there are occasional rewards for obedience.

 

[ChaosOpen]

This image that you posted is from one game?

No, I just get bored and "doodle" in koikatsu with the characters from my game.

 

[vickze]

If you don't beg for them to touch your penis, you get a scene where the redhead jerks you off to completion.
The game is still in its infancy, but it does appear that there are occasional rewards for obedience.

I see. So I was not wrong and even if the Redhead is influenced for the others unlike them knows what is have Mercy.

• The one with White Hair is Sadic(spines inside the cage) and the 2nd cage will have another unpleasant surprise. Sure.
• The other with Purple hair is Crazy that threaten him with a knife and even used it. After 1 attempt I decided not repeat this scene again. I choosed the Dick smallest size and she made it.

They act like if they were violated before and were afraid from men in a crazy way.. And the guy is THEIR BROTHER.. All this could be replaced for WE WILL CALL THE POLICE if you try something making them more likeable and the guy would be afraid too.


The developer said in one Pivix post that he lost 10 PATREONS after 0.4.. That is sad.. Some people(included me) tried to encourage him.. We will see. Apparently he wants to finish it..

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No, I just get bored and "doodle" in koikatsu with the characters from my game.

I see.. I visited it and saw the gallery. Your game looks interesting.

 

[ChaosOpen]

I see. So I was not wrong and even if the Redhead is influenced for the others unlike them knows what is have Mercy.

• The one with White Hair is Sadic(spines inside the cage) and the 2nd cage will have another unpleasant surprise. Sure.
• The other with Purple hair is Crazy that threaten him with a knife and even used it. After 1 attempt I decided not repeat this scene again. I choosed the Dick smallest size and she made it.

They act like if they were violated before and were afraid from men in a crazy way.. And the guy is THEIR BROTHER.. All this could be replaced for WE WILL CALL THE POLICE if you try something making them more likeable and the guy would be afraid too.


The developer said in one Pivix post that he lost 10 PATREONS after 0.4.. That is sad.. Some people(included me) tried to encourage him.. We will see. Apparently he wants to finish it..

You must be registered to see the links

Thing is, it's not that I think this game can't be made to work. The key thing is is that he fails to establish his characters. As a developer myself I can tell you that every one of these girls are my pride and joy. I put so much work into not only their visual design but also their backstory and personality.

However, as an author, I must keep in mind that the audience begins with zero attachment to these characters. I must give the audience a reason to empathize with these characters and make them likeable. And that is not something you just pick up on your first try. The original game that I made was actually my second attempt at a game, and since then I have dropped 8 games, thousands of images, hundreds of videos, and hundreds of thousands of words worth of script I have abandoned simply because I decided to cut my losses and say "I can do better" and start from scratch. Though, it is not entirely wasted, each successive failure was a learning experience. I have gotten a LOT better at both koikatsu and writing.

While the user doesn't need to make the sisters kind and benevolent beings, he should at least do enough to convince the audience that they would make good Mistresses and that they hurt the MC out of love rather than malice. Once you establish that emotional connection with the sisters and the audience, then you can start to introduce more extreme things, having the story slowly ramp up as time goes on.

My suggestion is you do some research, while you may understand how M's think and what they want, how much do you REALLY know about the other side of the coin?

 

[CatLimiter]

it looks like he removed the patreon or it got taken down. Pity, the overall ideal was fine but I think he shot himself in the foot by threatening penectomy(?), especially right out of the gate.

 

[Madjr]

waiting for more!

 

[zeetwilight777]

I really liked the game. Wish they continued development. Only piece of feedback would have been simple editing to the dialogue as the dev isn't a native english speaker. Other than that, great work.

 

[Varik]

He says on hid Pixiv that he closed the Patreon and was cancelling the game after a 10 people cancelled their pledges immediately after he released the latest update.

 

[JCDenton]

That's the problem guess, we can't get good stuff because our population of sick fucks is still rather small

 

[qwsaq]

That's the problem guess, we can't get good stuff because our population of sick fucks is still rather small

I feel like the problem was the creator blew his load on the castration thing too early. I think most people (within the "chastity/sissy" fandom at least) would be fine with it remaining a looming threat that never actually happens until much later down the line, and in an easily avoidable manner. It happening so early just kinda signals that a lot of content would be dedicated to the after effects and the vast majority of the community would have little to no desire to ever see it.
If he waited for the ball to get rolling a bit before announcing "I'm gonna chop your balls off in the next release!" then maybe it would attract enough of a following where it could weather the storm when the castration path actually does open up.

A good example of this working is The Company. The John update cycle is easily the most hated among the community. A small portion like the content it brought, but most were basically just waiting the months out until it was over. The game was already huge by then and its fans had no inclination to drop support for a game they loved just because of an update cycle they hated.
Maybe that sort of approach could have worked for this game.

 

[sas2017]

Does anyone have 0.4?

 

[JCDenton]

I feel like the problem was the creator blew his load on the castration thing too early. I think most people (within the "chastity/sissy" fandom at least) would be fine with it remaining a looming threat that never actually happens until much later down the line, and in an easily avoidable manner.

Maybe you are right but my point still stands, there are some people that prefer this kind of stuff, it's just that we are in the minority so no game dev will try to cater especially to us, I'm really salty about this game being cancelled, mainly because there was literally no other game that combines extreme chastity and cbt but without going the full sissy/feminization route.
The worst part is there will be always people that come to those threads and say their smug stuff like "No, your girls are bad persons, they should torture you out of love, not the malice" with marginalize us even further

 

[ChaosOpen]

Maybe you are right but my point still stands, there are some people that prefer this kind of stuff, it's just that we are in the minority so no game dev will try to cater especially to us, I'm really salty about this game being cancelled, mainly because there was literally no other game that combines extreme chastity and cbt but without going the full sissy/feminization route.
The worst part is there will be always people that come to those threads and say their smug stuff like "No, your girls are bad persons, they should torture you out of love, not the malice" with marginalize us even further

What I was trying to get across is that there is no motivation for them to do what they are doing, at least none that is consistent. They tell him to get naked and despite him not fighting back they are still evidently so are afraid of him so they want to cut his dick off but first they admire how big it is and how much of a threat he is?

The reason this doesn't work is because Sadism is mostly about power and control. Having the girls start out afraid of the dick and wanting to get rid of it out of fear shatters the illusion. These are not Mistresses, they are little girls who the MC has complete control over because they are afraid of what he can do with his cock. He can leverage that fear to make them do anything he wishes, which is why scared innocent angels make bad Mistresses.

A Mistress is calm and collected, she fears no man, and sees dicks as tools to control men, to assure they obey her every command, not as something to be afraid of but something to help in her control of the man. As to the out of love, you have the reason she wants to control him. If she wants to possess him, to have complete power and control over him and for him to exist for her, the desire to own someone is its own twisted form of love, because it at least shows that out of 3 billion men in the world, she wanted him to be her slave.

But him just happening to show up and her being so terrified that she can't think straight so she cuts his nuts off to get rid of the threat, that is not femdom, that is a scared little girl lashing out in desperation at the threat the MC poses once she realizes just how much power he has over her, that it would only take a few training sessions and he could turn her into his cum dumpster and she'd be powerless to stop him.

 

[JCDenton]

scared innocent angels make bad Mistresses

aaaand that's where you are wrong

And more seriously, you still only describe what you like in femdom, I don't want to form a "relationship" with a mistress and I don't care if the story or the characters are realistic or not, just like I don't care about demons not being real when I play doom. I'm only looking for cold-blooded torture and abuse, not for a romance story that involves bdsm. I know most people don't like this but that was the whole reason why I ever started ranting in the first place.
So my final point is that if you criticise a porn focused game like this you shouldn't point out things like "I don't like the girls, they are too cruel" or "They don't act as (true) mistresses" because it's all a matter of one subjective taste. It's okay if you just point out that you don't like this and this is the reason why you won't support the game (albeit you can just ignore the thread) but you shouldn't never, ever try to convince the author to change his style of writing their characters/fetishes.

I can understand that you wanted to help the guy because he cancelled the project out of losing patreons so you try to point out that taking a more mainstream take on femdom would maybe bring him more success and the intention itself is very noble from you but I really can't approve the methods you are taking. It's like buying new different thing instead of repair the old one

 

[ChaosOpen]

aaaand that's where you are wrong

And more seriously, you still only describe what you like in femdom, I don't want to form a "relationship" with a mistress and I don't care if the story or the characters are realistic or not, just like I don't care about demons not being real when I play doom. I'm only looking for cold-blooded torture and abuse, not for a romance story that involves bdsm. I know most people don't like this but that was the whole reason why I ever started ranting in the first place.
So my final point is that if you criticise a porn focused game like this you shouldn't point out things like "I don't like the girls, they are too cruel" or "They don't act as (true) mistresses" because it's all a matter of one subjective taste. It's okay if you just point out that you don't like this and this is the reason why you won't support the game (albeit you can just ignore the thread) but you shouldn't never, ever try to convince the author to change his style of writing their characters/fetishes.

I can understand that you wanted to help the guy because he cancelled the project out of losing patreons so you try to point out that taking a more mainstream take on femdom would maybe bring him more success and the intention itself is very noble from you but I really can't approve the methods you are taking. It's like buying new different thing instead of repair the old one

So... you want a game where the heroine hurts the MC out of fear? I guess my opinion may be too "mainstream" in viewing "femdom" to be "female domination" but if you just want to have a guro love story with a heroine that is a paranoid schizophrenic then don't let me stop you, just don't expect anyone to agree with your assertion that someone who reacts violently out of fear for her personal safety is the dominate party in that relationship.