I, on the other hand, do not have high hopes for Deb. I am curious as to what she saw in him in the first place, but I haven't seen any answers. But so far going forward she's been nothing but nasty and mean. And yeah good point about the devotion, not sure how you can "trust" someone who shows zero regard for your humanity. o.0
Eh, I don't know if that's typical of the femdom stuff and I'm curious if it is. I don't see it as much in the little bit of maledom stuff I've perused - there seems to be more emphasis on "safe words" and "aftercare" when it comes to maledom. So it's maybe more acceptable to be mean to dudes?
I don't get it. The more I see of the BDSM stuff (trying to keep an open mind about it) the more it seems to be an outlet for people to have an excuse to be mean and nasty - and that goes for both male and female domination.
And I can't even wrap my head around the extreme submissive types. I'm not saying anything negative, just that this thought process is totally foreign to my experience. I can understand *pretending* to be submissive to have an opponent drop their guard or being mildly submissive to compromise - like making a deal to take out the trash or do the dishes. But needing or wanting to let someone treat you like dirt, yeah I don't get it. Mean, nasty, selfish I can at least understand on an intellectual level - because everybody can be mean and nasty and self-centered.
BDSM takes different forms for different people. For some people it's just a condiment for sex, a way to bring variety and a sense of exploration. For some people it is just a taboo. And they may want to break it deep down, or they are genuinely afraid to even talk about it.
BDSM as a reason to be mean to people or to be a "victim" is a consequence of a person's inner traumas. Cruel parents, unhealthy self-criticism, unpleasant events leave scars for life. To compensate for such things in order not to go crazy, people adapt to accept them as the norm. Sometimes this happens in a more or less conscious form, when children vindicate their parents' violence toward them even decades later. And sometimes a person may quite unconsciously try to reproduce (or simply wish to receive) violence from a loved one, simply because love in the mind of the traumatized person may be conflated with violence, bullying, total control over them. For example: You were humiliated at school - you associate this with strong negative emotions. It seems that bad emotions should be regarded by you only negatively, but it is not quite so. Intentional reproduction of negative emotions (especially in a safe environment) can be perceived by your brain as a roller coaster. Excitement, anxiety, anticipation - people watch horror movies and get scared, or watch tragedies and cry intentionally for those emotions. Sometimes people compensate for their trauma in ways that put them in the place of the aggressor in their relationships with others. But more often they simply accept the role from childhood (or another time of trauma). The extreme submissive type is most often a deeply traumatized person (We are all traumatized in a way), though of course there are exceptions - daredevils, thrill-seekers, etc. I am by no means judging such people, nor am I labeling all submissives, just to clarify. I'm just saying, that our kinks are not what we decided to enjoy, but things we get from our life experience.
Same things with femdom. You could be dominated by a woman and you wouldn't even notice that. The way she talks to you, her attitude and decisions, even how she dresses up, these things can be "femdom" to you. But when it comes to BDSM community, femdom is mostly extreme. People need it as the only way to deal with their thoughts, issues, desires. It's once again all about their traumas, social pressure, etc.
P.S. I really need to add that it's just my point of view. No lecturing.
