Gotta say, I have absolutely no fucking clue what I'm supposed to take away from this story and I absolutely love it. It's got just the perfect blend of concreteness in the characters and abstraction in the plot. Perhaps it relies a bit too much on cliche for characterization -- but that's practically a staple of horror anyway, and a sad necessity given the apparent size of the cast.
I'd say that the unemphasized strangeness of the setting -- offhand mentions of cults, etc -- seem to work both for and against things. On the one hand, it's a bit slow to reveal that we're very much in a Twilight Zone-esque alternate universe for it to really land effectively. By the time we work out that this isn't the typical 'weird stuff happening in a horror movie' trope, but rather that we're in a weird alternate reality, I feel like enough time has passed that it has trouble landing a meaningful blow. It's not really disorienting to the reader, and it's not really impactful in a way that makes me question what I've seen. By the time the nature of the setting is revealed, too much has happened for me to really go back and review things in a new light. It's more of a, 'eh, that's really weird, I wonder where this is going and why the author is being so coy about the bizarre nature of the setting'. It certainly helps with the ambiance, but frankly I think the set-up was a little too slow and interrupted too much with the characterization. It's also not interlinked -- it doesn't seem as though any of the characters really depend on the strangeness of the setting, and I think that's a missed opportunity to knock out two birds with one stone. I'm not sure how it could have been done better, mind you, so this is more of an impression than a criticism.
Likewise, I feel like it's necessary to critique the eroticism of the work. Frankly, nothing much here is sexy. the brief asides to the suggestive renders aren't really presented in a way that makes them particularly hot or appealing. If anything, some of them come at a moment that interrupts the flow of the action. It seems like that's sort of intentional, there's a rhythm of 'characterization, erotica, horror, plot, erotica, horror, plot, erotica,...' -- so on and so forth. But, frankly, I don't know that it does the work any favors. The porn feels functional in nature, without a lot of effort given to playing things up. A few lines of dirty talk -- some good renders, too -- but then it's back to the action without much time spent lingering on the eroticism of the situation. Not much emphasis is put on the fetishistic aspects of what's going -- the eroticism of transformation, for example, with the machine. There's justa few lines about 'oh, my tits are bigger' and then boom a few side-by-side flasghes of imagery, and it's over. Nothing about sensitivity, how it feels, doubts and worries, running hands over everything -- it all needs to be a bit more drawn out and toyed with. That's really what the oddest thing about this story is -- it seems like you really understand toying with the audience when it comes to horror, but the sexuality of the whole situation is just thrown down on the table and left there out in the open. If you applied the slow, teasing care that you seem to take with presenting the bizzaro-spookiness of the setting to the actual pornography, then the story as a whole would be improved.
Alas, I think that ship has sailed. You've got too many things to do with Mel's body -- three routes in this most recent chapter doesn't leave a lot of space to drag things out, and a change in direction at this stage would be detectable and devastating to the flow of the story. I don't really know what to suggest as a remedy beyond telling you that it would be prudent to drag out erotic moments more and focus on sensation. Right now, it's all dialogue and it's just not cutting it for me. It's certainly effective at keeping things moving along, but it's certainly not arousing -- if that was ever the intent.
Honestly? I'd be rather happy if you cut out all the porn -- except, maybe, the Swedish girl, but that's a personal preference -- and just focused on this fucking peculiar setting and story that's going on.
I'm reminded of one of the other games on this site, That Intoxicating Flavor, in that I really could not give less of a shit about the naked women in your story, but god damn I want to know where this circus is headed.
I'd say that the unemphasized strangeness of the setting -- offhand mentions of cults, etc -- seem to work both for and against things. On the one hand, it's a bit slow to reveal that we're very much in a Twilight Zone-esque alternate universe for it to really land effectively. By the time we work out that this isn't the typical 'weird stuff happening in a horror movie' trope, but rather that we're in a weird alternate reality, I feel like enough time has passed that it has trouble landing a meaningful blow. It's not really disorienting to the reader, and it's not really impactful in a way that makes me question what I've seen. By the time the nature of the setting is revealed, too much has happened for me to really go back and review things in a new light. It's more of a, 'eh, that's really weird, I wonder where this is going and why the author is being so coy about the bizarre nature of the setting'. It certainly helps with the ambiance, but frankly I think the set-up was a little too slow and interrupted too much with the characterization. It's also not interlinked -- it doesn't seem as though any of the characters really depend on the strangeness of the setting, and I think that's a missed opportunity to knock out two birds with one stone. I'm not sure how it could have been done better, mind you, so this is more of an impression than a criticism.
Likewise, I feel like it's necessary to critique the eroticism of the work. Frankly, nothing much here is sexy. the brief asides to the suggestive renders aren't really presented in a way that makes them particularly hot or appealing. If anything, some of them come at a moment that interrupts the flow of the action. It seems like that's sort of intentional, there's a rhythm of 'characterization, erotica, horror, plot, erotica, horror, plot, erotica,...' -- so on and so forth. But, frankly, I don't know that it does the work any favors. The porn feels functional in nature, without a lot of effort given to playing things up. A few lines of dirty talk -- some good renders, too -- but then it's back to the action without much time spent lingering on the eroticism of the situation. Not much emphasis is put on the fetishistic aspects of what's going -- the eroticism of transformation, for example, with the machine. There's justa few lines about 'oh, my tits are bigger' and then boom a few side-by-side flasghes of imagery, and it's over. Nothing about sensitivity, how it feels, doubts and worries, running hands over everything -- it all needs to be a bit more drawn out and toyed with. That's really what the oddest thing about this story is -- it seems like you really understand toying with the audience when it comes to horror, but the sexuality of the whole situation is just thrown down on the table and left there out in the open. If you applied the slow, teasing care that you seem to take with presenting the bizzaro-spookiness of the setting to the actual pornography, then the story as a whole would be improved.
Alas, I think that ship has sailed. You've got too many things to do with Mel's body -- three routes in this most recent chapter doesn't leave a lot of space to drag things out, and a change in direction at this stage would be detectable and devastating to the flow of the story. I don't really know what to suggest as a remedy beyond telling you that it would be prudent to drag out erotic moments more and focus on sensation. Right now, it's all dialogue and it's just not cutting it for me. It's certainly effective at keeping things moving along, but it's certainly not arousing -- if that was ever the intent.
Honestly? I'd be rather happy if you cut out all the porn -- except, maybe, the Swedish girl, but that's a personal preference -- and just focused on this fucking peculiar setting and story that's going on.
I'm reminded of one of the other games on this site, That Intoxicating Flavor, in that I really could not give less of a shit about the naked women in your story, but god damn I want to know where this circus is headed.
- Aug 5, 2016
- 4,780
- 13,018
Dev has to work on bimbo faces, they can give you nightmares. I don't know if that's intended tho.
The main girl face looks good but Klaudia's looks like the alien abominations from the other game.
The main girl face looks good but Klaudia's looks like the alien abominations from the other game.
Thank you for your criticisms, they do really help. However, there are some things I need to point out, in case people read your comments and get the wrong impression.
1. No, this is not set in an "Alternate Reality". Its very much our world. I am confused how you came to this conclusion? English is not my 1st language, so I guess I could have said something weird or something.
2. The Erotica/Porn moments. We are early in the stages of this game, I can't really "Linger" too much on moments, because not much has really happened in terms of "Erotic" moments.
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3. "Honestly? I'd be rather happy if you cut out all the porn". If you don't like my style of erotica, you can just chose to be on the "Purity Route". They exist for both Mel and Amy. this way, nothing lewd will happen to Mel or Amy ^^
I know some people will look at my comment here and go "Haha! Virginia can't take criticism
She is so silly", which is what it is.But if I don't understand certain criticisms, I will always ask for clarification. How else am I supposed to improve my games?
She is Swedish, we are all dummy thicc hereWhy IS Klaudia so thicc?
here is my unofficial android port of Of Birds and Bees 0.3 + Compressed
visit my blog for more android ports
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visit my blog for more android ports
You must be registered to see the links
- May 8, 2017
- 732
- 590
the art looks amazing but dude the story.. the story for me sucks..
Just keep focusing on Mel (the game protagonist (MC) )
Just keep focusing on Mel (the game protagonist (MC) )
- Jan 23, 2020
- 1,430
- 2,895
Criticisms and confusion.
The saying, "You can't make all the people happy all the time; you can only make some of the people happy some of the time" is good to keep in mind when one is an author, painter, creator, etc. You have to enjoy what you're doing and create for yourself, first, then others. You'll sleep better that way.
As far as the script is concerned, I do think some confusion can be placed on English not being your first language. I've seen far worse attempts at translation than yours, but here and there I see a word (either the wrong word choice or a misspelling) that could result in confusion. You may want to entertain the idea of an editor. Also, and this is something I've written about previously and I don't understand why more authors don't use this simple process which would eliminate many mistakes--that is: don't enter the script straight to the game editor/software. There is no spell-checker in python/Renpy, etc. Enter the script into a text editor or office program first which will eliminate many needless errors. Once checked, then move it to the game.
Lastly, I would recommend you move away from PNG files and move to webp. The quality will be just as good, if not better, and save at least 25% in file size. Oh, BTW, you left some psd files in your image folders. Those will really run up the size of the download.
The saying, "You can't make all the people happy all the time; you can only make some of the people happy some of the time" is good to keep in mind when one is an author, painter, creator, etc. You have to enjoy what you're doing and create for yourself, first, then others. You'll sleep better that way.
As far as the script is concerned, I do think some confusion can be placed on English not being your first language. I've seen far worse attempts at translation than yours, but here and there I see a word (either the wrong word choice or a misspelling) that could result in confusion. You may want to entertain the idea of an editor. Also, and this is something I've written about previously and I don't understand why more authors don't use this simple process which would eliminate many mistakes--that is: don't enter the script straight to the game editor/software. There is no spell-checker in python/Renpy, etc. Enter the script into a text editor or office program first which will eliminate many needless errors. Once checked, then move it to the game.
Lastly, I would recommend you move away from PNG files and move to webp. The quality will be just as good, if not better, and save at least 25% in file size. Oh, BTW, you left some psd files in your image folders. Those will really run up the size of the download.
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- May 1, 2017
- 67
- 24
holy fucking shit! I don't know what I like more the story or everything else...so far pretty damn good. I'm definitely keeping an eye on this one.
the volume in this game is all over the place, i recommend turning your speakers/headphones way WAY down if you don't want to get blasted. the ingame volume controls only work on some of the tracks.
I like this game i think its better than Autumn Boulevard, both games are good dont get me wrong but i just love this art style & graphics more but a Great Update, Keep up the good work.
Thank you.
The story is interesting,
Does the main character Melanie have an exclusive Bimbofication route?
The story is interesting,
Does the main character Melanie have an exclusive Bimbofication route?
No, it would be too much work in terms of the renders, and coding ^^Does the main character Melanie have an exclusive Bimbofication route?