VN Ren'Py Completed Picture Perfect [v1.0] [SuperWriter]

[Ayhsel]

Thanks for the comments and I'll address some of them. The MC had been fighting his sexual attraction to the girls for the first three updates of the game and when Paris finally reveals her love to him, he accepts because she sees the mother and her and you have to remember that he has been hurting for years because of the abandonment to and just wants to be loved.

Miracle is super sexually curious as you know and has a huge attachment to the MC so of course she's down for it.

Sabrina already has a crush on him.

Par is is deeply in love with him already.

And Sasha is down with whatever.

That's why there is no conflict with the love, besides the main character in the beginning but each girl has plenty of conflict on their own regarding life and other things.

I hope that makes it clear for you the way I wrote the story the way I did.

Of course. As I mentioned this was pure out of good will. I even understand that it may not be a fair critique, as I see this is supposed to be light reading.

Given your comments, I understand your claim about the characters and it was how I was analyzing them. I am just trying to explain why I felt a drop in the novel. I did not make the comment the first time as I did not understand what was going on. But after feeling the same way the second time and specially with the comparison with Sasha, I think I did.

It may be that I am too strong a supporter for slow burn for pure love stories as this one. You know, in pure love stories, once you get the girl there is not much to tell.

Up to the "Paris lets fuck" scene, I have no complains. But the relationship with her I felt went too fast.

The one with Miracle is a way smaller complain, more like given her innocence and curiosity I felt much more teasing could have been made, specially by playing the whole writing deal with her and Sabrina.

Sasha, on the other hand, is absolutely perfect. That is really a super natural transition from daughter to daddy's girl.

Again, don't even take my comments for this story. More like general things to see for when you move on. Specially if you decide to write a story with a more serious mindset that a light, family story.

On the topic of renders. Loved all of them that I have seen so far, except one from Miracle.

Her expression here felt really off

Spoiler: Joker Miracle?

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I'll give more feedback later when I have time to finish reading. Again, all pure good will.

 

[Havik79]

Fair enough, static images are better than shitty 1-second loops.

 

[Ayhsel]

I know I said it before but Miracle has such a perfect face for a vampire character. Everytime she open her mouth right you can see her fangs!
Make her eye colors something more vibrant and strong and only thing she would be missing would be the right clothes. Also, her sweet looks would be an amazing contrast to the idea she is a twelve hundred years old blood sucking monster.

Any plans on doing something supernatural like that? I know the superhero game is coming, but I doubt vampire Miracle would appear there.

Spoiler: Vamp right there

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[Arigon]

I know I said it before but Miracle has such a perfect face for a vampire character. Everytime she open her mouth right you can see her fangs!
Make her eye colors something more vibrant and strong and only thing she would be missing would be the right clothes. Also, her sweet looks would be an amazing contrast to the idea she is a twelve hundred years old blood sucking monster.

Any plans on doing something supernatural like that? I know the superhero game is coming, but I doubt vampire Miracle would appear there.

View attachment 878009

I could totally get behind that idea lol!

 

[Arigon]

Of course. As I mentioned this was pure out of good will. I even understand that it may not be a fair critique, as I see this is supposed to be light reading.

Given your comments, I understand your claim about the characters and it was how I was analyzing them. I am just trying to explain why I felt a drop in the novel. I did not make the comment the first time as I did not understand what was going on. But after feeling the same way the second time and specially with the comparison with Sasha, I think I did.

It may be that I am too strong a supporter for slow burn for pure love stories as this one. You know, in pure love stories, once you get the girl there is not much to tell.

Up to the "Paris lets fuck" scene, I have no complains. But the relationship with her I felt went too fast.

The one with Miracle is a way smaller complain, more like given her innocence and curiosity I felt much more teasing could have been made, specially by playing the whole writing deal with her and Sabrina.

Sasha, on the other hand, is absolutely perfect. That is really a super natural transition from daughter to daddy's girl.

Again, don't even take my comments for this story. More like general things to see for when you move on. Specially if you decide to write a story with a more serious mindset that a light, family story.

On the topic of renders. Loved all of them that I have seen so far, except one from Miracle.

Her expression here felt really off

Spoiler: Joker Miracle?

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I'll give more feedback later when I have time to finish reading. Again, all pure good will.

I think if you actually read what SW said, you have your answer. Just because it seems fast, you are missing that she (Paris) has had these feelings for 10 years. Miracle is just flat out in love with dad and Sabrina, and Sasha is completely and totally a bad ass, but deep down is a daddy's girl.
The MC is surrounded by so many female hormones and Sabrina has had a crush, but is not as deeply invested as the girls that he raised, yet.,. Which is why she is the only one without full sex at the moment. She will and I am sure it will be great.
The other thing is that the sheer effort for a solo writer to produce this is HUGE. Having wasted chapters providing unnecessary clutter so you can pace it how you want is not a luxury that most hardware and human willpower can accommodate.

Your comments are strangely familiar like a guy on steam trying to dictate to SW how to write HIS story. I am not attacking you. Just noting you are on a path that will lead to a lot of hostility from SW fans. Fair Warning

 

[Ayhsel]

I think if you actually read what SW said, you have your answer. Just because it seems fast, you are missing that she (Paris) has had these feelings for 10 years. Miracle is just flat out in love with dad and Sabrina, and Sasha is completely and totally a bad ass, but deep down is a daddy's girl.
The MC is surrounded by so many female hormones and Sabrina has had a crush, but is not as deeply invested as the girls that he raised, yet.,. Which is why she is the only one without full sex at the moment. She will and I am sure it will be great.
The other thing is that the sheer effort for a solo writer to produce this is HUGE. Having wasted chapters providing unnecessary clutter so you can pace it how you want is not a luxury that most hardware and human willpower can accommodate.

Your comments are strangely familiar like a guy on steam trying to dictate to SW how to write HIS story. I am not attacking you. Just noting you are on a path that will lead to a lot of hostility from SW fans. Fair Warning

No no, I understand all that. But you missed MY point. My point wasn't whether this is or not the way. I explicitly said that I understood this is a light novel that goes as far as breaking the 4th wall. That does not invalidate what I said.

For something to be taboo, it has to feel taboo to the characters. That is the selling point of incest stories. The forbidden fruit. But for something to be forbidden, eating it must be wrong. It must feel wrong. The minute all is good, there is no forbidden fruit. In fact, take any incest story in a world where incest is morally correct. Do you still consider the story the same? That was the point essentially.

Sasha escapes this criticism precisely because given the setting, they are slowly breaking the boundaries. And in fact, Sasha "teasing" scenes take more time. I don't remember how many times they "practice". Paris went from 0 to 100 in 5 seconds.

And I would never say "change it cause I don't like it". I said several times it was simply constructive criticism. I even said that not to think about it too much for this novel, but more in general.

 

[Arigon]

No no, I understand all that. But you missed MY point. My point wasn't whether this is or not the way. I explicitly said that I understood this is a light novel that goes as far as breaking the 4th wall. That does not invalidate what I said.

For something to be taboo, it has to feel taboo to the characters. That is the selling point of incest stories. The forbidden fruit. But for something to be forbidden, eating must be wrong. It must feel wrong. The minute all is good, there is no forbidden fruit.
That was the point essentially.

And I would never say "change it cause I don't like it". I said several times it was simply constructive criticism. I even said that not to think about it too much for this novel, but more in general.

Fair enough.
SW has gotten some unfair shit slung his way, and I feel kind of protective of him and his work. In the CONTEXT of what he is writing, there is lots wrong. Only Paris is totally balls deep at the moment, and that is only if you do something that ensures a certain outcome.
The rest are pushing boundaries. Sasha is going to work for a big time writer who is in a long term incestuous relationship with her father. That is definitely pushing boundaries. The play will probably figure heavily in this as well. Sit back and enjoy the ride. Over analyzing it will make you crazy. SS his other work is very deeply incest related as well. And I love those characters, but frankly I am less inclined to love MC that are 18-20 years old and like the 40 year old dad one, though I do love the milfy mom and step mom

 

[Ayhsel]

Fair enough.
SW has gotten some unfair shit slung his way, and I feel kind of protective of him and his work. In the CONTEXT of what he is writing, there is lots wrong. Only Paris is totally balls deep at the moment, and that is only if you do something that ensures a certain outcome.
The rest are pushing boundaries. Sasha is going to work for a big time writer who is in a long term incestuous relationship with her father. That is definitely pushing boundaries. The play will probably figure heavily in this as well. Sit back and enjoy the ride. Over analyzing it will make you crazy. SS his other work is very deeply incest related as well. And I love those characters, but frankly I am less inclined to love MC that are 18-20 years old and like the 40 year old dad one, though I do love the milfy mom and step mom

If I take the time to comment on something is because I care and wish the best to the developer. Otherwise, why waste time?

The problem with criticism (in this forum) is the standard "I don't like this so change it". I WILL NEVER ASK A DEVELOPER TO CHANGE ANYTHING. Well, not true, I did say Miracle would be more beautiful with violet eyes, but while I truly believe it, I never expect him to make her have violet eyes. Although, Paris has blue hair so I guess all is fair game.

Point is, I know SW has planned a very, very large number of novels. And I wish him the best. That is why I mentioned the contradiction I found in the story. As simple as that.

For example, I know his next story is about super heroes. What is a simple way to destroy a super hero story? The superman effect. Make the MC too powerful too soon. Then, you need to explain why MC does not just force his way over every problem without any effort. Or you make a super handy tool, as time travel inconsistently. So then you need to explain why not use time travel to fix any single problem. Mentioning these things is only because I care and wish him well.

 

[Deleted member 1412183]

I know I said it before but Miracle has such a perfect face for a vampire character. Everytime she open her mouth right you can see her fangs!
Make her eye colors something more vibrant and strong and only thing she would be missing would be the right clothes. Also, her sweet looks would be an amazing contrast to the idea she is a twelve hundred years old blood sucking monster.

Any plans on doing something supernatural like that? I know the superhero game is coming, but I doubt vampire Miracle would appear there.

Spoiler: Vamp right there

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I won't do anything supernatural within the story, but maybe I should do a Halloween themed wallpaper?

Fair enough.
SW has gotten some unfair shit slung his way, and I feel kind of protective of him and his work. In the CONTEXT of what he is writing, there is lots wrong. Only Paris is totally balls deep at the moment, and that is only if you do something that ensures a certain outcome.
The rest are pushing boundaries. Sasha is going to work for a big time writer who is in a long term incestuous relationship with her father. That is definitely pushing boundaries. The play will probably figure heavily in this as well. Sit back and enjoy the ride. Over analyzing it will make you crazy. SS his other work is very deeply incest related as well. And I love those characters, but frankly I am less inclined to love MC that are 18-20 years old and like the 40 year old dad one, though I do love the milfy mom and step mom

Haha, I feel really protected having you around, man. I really appreciate it, though Ayhsel has been totally fair in his criticism and not just attacking me or complaining. So I appreciate him and he actually does like the game, so it's totally fine.

 

[spooge_nugget]

I haven't actually played the new version and am purely critiquing based on the preview images that can be seen in the OP.

Miracle - It may just be me, but her appearance (outfit, necklaces and face) give off a confident impression, which is contrary to her personality (unless her personality has been changed).
Sasha - She was always my favourite and she gives off a completely different feel in the new images. Her previous outfits seemed more fitting to her character (more sporty/tomboyish), but that could just be me. In my opinion she gives off a more vanilla vibe than an alt/rebellious/etc one. I preferred her with more tats (she definitely needs a sleeve or something substantial on her other arm at least for balance purposes in my opinion). I preferred her old face - the new one feels too delicate (as is her body really considering the whole MMA stuff, but that was also the case before). I would suggest darkening her eyebrows at the very least.
Paris - Her face looks far more natural and less plastic (bye bye lip fillers). Soooo much better. The one thing that seems out of character for her though is that her makeup now seems the most subtle out of the three.
MC - I only have one image to go on, but his arm looks kinda skinny. It's not necessarily a negative thing, but I think I've just grown used to his previous build. It's hard to tell until I see other images though.

Again. Please note that I am merely expressing my opinions and they are based solely on the preview images in the OP.

 

[boytuka]

How is this inc though?

 

[Batman187]

How is this inc though?

It's a father and his 3 daughters? simple really

 

[pothb]

Hmm, personally not liking Miracle's look. I prefer the old look for all of them but Miracle new look makes her look like the oldest sister if anything.

 

[detox]

Not so sure of this revamp.
I still prefere the previous drawing, Paris now look "false"...

 

[Zerek244]

Based on the screenshots alone, I do think that the revamp isnt a good thing. Paris looks better, Sasha looks worse, Sabrina looks worse and Miracle is 50/50 in my eyes. Of course I will still be playing this game, I do play it for the story after all.

I get why the dev wanted the game to look more like him, and I cannot blame him for it. Im just hoping that the game actually will reach its end, and we will infact see everything the dev has planned for us.

I know critique might be overwhelming for some devs, but SuperWriter let me assure you. The story still holds its own, and all of us are pleased to see it continue, even if some people have lashed out with the models being redone.

It is more of a potato potato thing, which people will get used to eventually. The story is what captured us, and we all would love to see it continue as soon as possible.

 

[Deleted member 1412183]

Based on the screenshots alone, I do think that the revamp isnt a good thing. Paris looks better, Sasha looks worse, Sabrina looks worse and Miracle is 50/50 in my eyes. Of course I will still be playing this game, I do play it for the story after all.

I get why the dev wanted the game to look more like him, and I cannot blame him for it. Im just hoping that the game actually will reach its end, and we will infact see everything the dev has planned for us.

I know critique might be overwhelming for some devs, but SuperWriter let me assure you. The story still holds its own, and all of us are pleased to see it continue, even if some people have lashed out with the models being redone.

It is more of a potato potato thing, which people will get used to eventually. The story is what captured us, and we all would love to see it continue as soon as possible.

I totally understand. Having characters switch up on you a year into a story can be jarring, but I really do think people will fall in love with the new models just like they did with the originals as I continue the story, and have a lot of good stuff coming, and very soon.

Thanks for the support!

 

[Havik79]

Well I only just played for the first time a couple of days ago and I like the models.

 

[Zerek244]

I totally understand. Having characters switch up on you a year into a story can be jarring, but I really do think people will fall in love with the new models just like they did with the originals as I continue the story, and have a lot of good stuff coming, and very soon.

Thanks for the support!

I do think so. Also, I would support you on Patreon if your Patreon wouldnt be so ass. 5 Euros a month for only SS, PP or your new game instead of them all.

While it is somewhat admiring that you are working on three projects at the same time, you are also working on three projects at the same time, and If I pledge to PP or SS, which both are really good, Im missing out on something.

Id rather have the basic 1/2/5/10 etc euro pledges for ALL the games, instead of having to choose.

 

[Deleted member 1412183]

I do think so. Also, I would support you on Patreon if your Patreon wouldnt be so ass. 5 Euros a month for only SS, PP or your new game instead of them all.

While it is somewhat admiring that you are working on three projects at the same time, you are also working on three projects at the same time, and If I pledge to PP or SS, which both are really good, Im missing out on something.

Id rather have the basic 1/2/5/10 etc euro pledges for ALL the games, instead of having to choose.

Lol I don't think my patreon is 'ass.' I offer you 3 games for $10 or let you choose the one you want for $5. And I update a game every 2 weeks instead of taking two or three or four months like a lot of developers.

No support = no games. I work EVERY DAY.

you work hard for your money and I certainly work hard for mine =]

 

[Zerek244]

Lol I don't think my patreon is 'ass.' I offer you 3 games for $10 or let you choose the one you want for $5. And I update a game every 2 weeks instead of taking two or three or four months like a lot of developers.

No support = no games. I work EVERY DAY.

you work hard for your money and I certainly work hard for mine =]

Im aware you work hard for it, Im not questioning it. The problem I have is the update cycle, having to wait 6 weeks for PP or SS, since both you and I are very aware that you could do it sooner. I would love if you would focus on a game first, lets say PP. After PP is done, you would move onto SS etc.

As you are aware, an hour every six weeks for one game is somewhat on the line. I am passionate about your games, I really am. I dont want to offend you, Im not attacking you personally. I just hate this model of several games running at the same time, having to wait that one update I really want.

Like you said, you do have 10bucks a month for all three games, but to be honest. I would love for PP to be finished, then SS continuing the work and then the next game leading on from there.