If I may offer bit of constructive criticism, hopefully this comes off as intended, but the pacing and character development could use a bit of work. after the introduction time starts to jump around from one lewd scene to the next, and while we're told how things progress to that point its lessens the impact of the moment because we weren't shown the progression and we couldn't build that relationship for ourselves. Thus things sometimes seemed rushed or come out of the blue. Everything in the story makes logical sense given everything we've been told, but not everything makes intuitive sense what we've seen from the characters (remember the writing guideline show don't tell). I know changing this would add a lot more work but (IMO) it would really deepen the impact of events and would build a stronger bond with the reader and the characters. Part of it may just be my personal expectations/tastes for something a little slower of a burn but I think even a few scenes here and there could be a big help
Don't get me wrong I really enjoyed the story and look forward to more.
Yeah, this game isn't really a slow burn besides the beginning because all the games I ever do will not be long because I have way too many ideas i need to get out, which is why I'm developing 2 games at a time. Peoopl either complain a story is too fast or too slow, so it's honestly a preference thing.
As for the MC and Paris' relationship, I thought I portrayed that pretty well. She confesses her love to him, and it's a big moment. Paris says what about having kids and getting married? There's a lot of turmoil in the decision, but the MC accepts everything because he realizes she's the perfect woman for him, which he has an inner dialogue about.
For example, when Paris finds out the main character is keeping the financial trouble from her in chapter 2, she gets mad and asks why he would do that after promising they were partners, and he has the inner dialogue he has not been able to trust another individual after the mother abandon them all and he realizes it is the same reason that he hasn't dated much. And says that Paris is exactly like her mother personality-wise, but she is way more caring and selfless, so he can actually trust her
So I understand some people like a slow burn and really dig into the details, but I think I doa good job of providing information and exactly what's going on even if it is behind the scenes because I can't devote every Update to showing a bunch of intricate things.
I am already 8 updates in and I haven't even gotten into the girls main story yet, and I want to start getting into the final stages of the game.
As for Paris' switch to motherly mode, yes, it was a switch because she had an epiphany after confessing her feelings and her tub conversation where she makes up with Sasha. So she immediately goes into mother mode, but that's what she's always aimed for, right? Her feelings came from the mother abandoning them and her wanting to take the place. So the motherly mode has always been there, she just forgot about it, which is why she was mad at herself realizingshe should have been trying to understand Sasha instead of fighting with her, as the matriarch of the family
But I appreciate your criticisms and I will definitely take them into consideration!
Glad you enjoy the game, man
