- Oct 10, 2017
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- 21,361
- Jan 14, 2018
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Dev seems to think this is a support group of some sort, that he's entitled to attention and good feedback. That him yelling 'I'm new to this' helps his cause.
On the plus side, his renders are improving. All he needs to do is scrap this demo and release something fresh once he's finished learning.
- Feb 4, 2018
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right i need to make this abundantly clear i appreciate construct feedback but wont tolerate trolls, if you came in and said dude your renders are bad.... but.... if you moved your lights further away and turned down translucency they would look more realistic... better than accusing someone of criminal activity
- Jan 14, 2018
- 408
- 1,304
This isn't a private forum for your game. Players are going to have opinions, and you're going to have to learn to either ignore them or reply without overreacting.
Since you're posting dev updates here, I'm curious, what daz lighting package did you read reviews on and purchase?
Fwiw, I thought your initial release had a unique shader feel to it, but if you're doing regular daz renders, they'll be compared to the best ones out there.
- Feb 4, 2018
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- Feb 4, 2018
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V0.01 will be ready soon... Need to proof read and check renders should be ready to download by Wednesday
- Feb 4, 2018
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- Feb 4, 2018
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- Aug 3, 2017
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- Dec 18, 2017
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OK, two thing.
1.
Clean up the text a bit:
Start sentences with capital letters and end them with punctuation.
Regarding punctuation, don't use an unnecessary amount. Use one dot or three, four is bad and further more is down right kanker. Question marks can be followed with an exclamation mark, exclamation mark should never be followed with anything other than a new sentence. The only exception to this is if you're quoting something: the sign says "Trespassers will be shot!". Further more, keep exclamation marks to a one per sentence. Although ending a sentence with three is allowed, it feels silly when it's not done right. Onomatopoetikon within asterisks does not need punctuation, as it's not a sentence. One of the offenders being " *sobs*. " in the BJ scene. Let me end this segment with a a capital "I", I'm sure you can figure out why.
*EDIT* Oh and remember to remove "End of version" and similar text. Breaks the immersion.
2.
Keep the fourth wall stuff to a minimum:
So far it's only been in the very beginning with the Harley Quinn scene. The problem with the fourth wall is that it has be broken in just the right way in order to be pleasant. If it's not done right, it will quickly feel too cheesy, too forced and just down right bad. Sure, it can be fun to try to be like Deadpool, but man is it hard to pull off. In essence: If you don't have mad writing skills, then don't. That being said, I don't mind a bit of fourth wall breakage, as long as it's a part of an Easter Egg and not the main story.
With that off my chest, lets head over to the positives.
Reusing renders:
I'm actually all for this in Ren'Py games. Why? Because the file size quickly becomes bloated with 1000+ renders and 5 min of gameplay. There are too many offenders here.
The dark atmosphere:
I like it, it's different. Keep at it.
Female protagonist:
I for one welcome them. I find the whole "I'm straight so I can't relate"-argument silly, but debating it would be even more silly. It would be like having a titman and an assman debating what's better, better to agree to disagree.
Looking forward to seeing how the story and you as a writer progress.
1.
Clean up the text a bit:
Start sentences with capital letters and end them with punctuation.
Regarding punctuation, don't use an unnecessary amount. Use one dot or three, four is bad and further more is down right kanker. Question marks can be followed with an exclamation mark, exclamation mark should never be followed with anything other than a new sentence. The only exception to this is if you're quoting something: the sign says "Trespassers will be shot!". Further more, keep exclamation marks to a one per sentence. Although ending a sentence with three is allowed, it feels silly when it's not done right. Onomatopoetikon within asterisks does not need punctuation, as it's not a sentence. One of the offenders being " *sobs*. " in the BJ scene. Let me end this segment with a a capital "I", I'm sure you can figure out why.
*EDIT* Oh and remember to remove "End of version" and similar text. Breaks the immersion.
2.
Keep the fourth wall stuff to a minimum:
So far it's only been in the very beginning with the Harley Quinn scene. The problem with the fourth wall is that it has be broken in just the right way in order to be pleasant. If it's not done right, it will quickly feel too cheesy, too forced and just down right bad. Sure, it can be fun to try to be like Deadpool, but man is it hard to pull off. In essence: If you don't have mad writing skills, then don't. That being said, I don't mind a bit of fourth wall breakage, as long as it's a part of an Easter Egg and not the main story.
With that off my chest, lets head over to the positives.
Reusing renders:
I'm actually all for this in Ren'Py games. Why? Because the file size quickly becomes bloated with 1000+ renders and 5 min of gameplay. There are too many offenders here.
The dark atmosphere:
I like it, it's different. Keep at it.
Female protagonist:
I for one welcome them. I find the whole "I'm straight so I can't relate"-argument silly, but debating it would be even more silly. It would be like having a titman and an assman debating what's better, better to agree to disagree.
Looking forward to seeing how the story and you as a writer progress.
- Aug 5, 2016
- 7,025
- 10,211
i m jumping in ... here my own opinion
- game is 110Mb more or less in size, wich is a correct size for a first release imho. still its a bit short, maybe you should look to optimise your render to win in size. that can help in futur
- very very first point... DO NEVER start like this the introduction.. its an extremly bad way to start yelling at the players even before they start the game. dont say them to not say "oh no a female protagonist etc..." , thats extremly rude from you . be gentle and explain it in a sweet sneaky way is the best option.
- your "toaster with internet" is still able to run iray... congrats.. mine cant ( and so reflect my game ). in this case, no need to mention that
- the transition of lighting is pretty rude and suddent :O . you should cut the beginning. its very... wow... big change suddently.
i dont want to sound rude, but it can make peoples think about a scam attempt.. showing great quality and then BAM ! suddently change. ( just my opinion, not supposed to be taked rude)
- you dont need to add choice if they are NO choice. better to keep the story continu with render instead . i know you want to give a kind of Noire/detective/stressfull mood in the game, and the choice is a part of keeping the player inside the story. but its a bit bad too to have choices but no choices.
- a "x" too much in one the sentence of Myah (exaxctly)
- Mc Donald's need caps in name and the "s" is separate
- I'll ... and not Ill ( or unless you talk about being sick , wich is not far away from the game idea XD )
- use the title Re-Demption only, and replace the 1.0 with your game version. check the options.rpy in renpy and you should see the line "The version of the game" where to change that and put your game version
well... it took me a few minutes to get it to the end of this version. not alots of informaton about the game plot for now. also i m not sure to have understand well about the story except the essential ( that she would be able to "jump" into her own memories with objectif to... understand why that other "her" exist and harass her... if its not that, then i dont understood )
game have a few english broken, but its correct ( i m not english native soo i cant specifically say except some big typo or else )
the idea is interresting. we'll see where it goes, for now, its not enougth to get the good idea about it.
you really should avoid to put all thsoes "critics" in your game about peoples/players complaining, it make a very bad idea of the game and the dev behind.
thats it from me. hope i helped a bit and not sounded too rude
- game is 110Mb more or less in size, wich is a correct size for a first release imho. still its a bit short, maybe you should look to optimise your render to win in size. that can help in futur
- very very first point... DO NEVER start like this the introduction.. its an extremly bad way to start yelling at the players even before they start the game. dont say them to not say "oh no a female protagonist etc..." , thats extremly rude from you . be gentle and explain it in a sweet sneaky way is the best option.
- your "toaster with internet" is still able to run iray... congrats.. mine cant ( and so reflect my game ). in this case, no need to mention that
- the transition of lighting is pretty rude and suddent :O . you should cut the beginning. its very... wow... big change suddently.
i dont want to sound rude, but it can make peoples think about a scam attempt.. showing great quality and then BAM ! suddently change. ( just my opinion, not supposed to be taked rude)
- you dont need to add choice if they are NO choice. better to keep the story continu with render instead . i know you want to give a kind of Noire/detective/stressfull mood in the game, and the choice is a part of keeping the player inside the story. but its a bit bad too to have choices but no choices.
- a "x" too much in one the sentence of Myah
(exaxctly)- Mc Donald's need caps in name and the "s" is separate
- I'll ... and not Ill ( or unless you talk about being sick , wich is not far away from the game idea XD )
- use the title Re-Demption only, and replace the 1.0 with your game version. check the options.rpy in renpy and you should see the line "The version of the game" where to change that and put your game version
well... it took me a few minutes to get it to the end of this version. not alots of informaton about the game plot for now. also i m not sure to have understand well about the story except the essential ( that she would be able to "jump" into her own memories with objectif to... understand why that other "her" exist and harass her... if its not that, then i dont understood
)game have a few english broken, but its correct ( i m not english native soo i cant specifically say except some big typo or else )
the idea is interresting. we'll see where it goes, for now, its not enougth to get the good idea about it.
you really should avoid to put all thsoes "critics" in your game about peoples/players complaining, it make a very bad idea of the game and the dev behind.
thats it from me. hope i helped a bit and not sounded too rude
This should be made in a banner or atleast made part of the golden recomendations for authors (imho ofcourse)
- Feb 4, 2018
- 127
- 108
- Feb 4, 2018
- 127
- 108
hi there thank you for your feedback this is only the beginning, i have already made changes to script and the plot is complicated (kinda the point) but thanks againi m jumping in ... here my own opinion
- game is 110Mb more or less in size, wich is a correct size for a first release imho. still its a bit short, maybe you should look to optimise your render to win in size. that can help in futur
- very very first point... DO NEVER start like this the introduction.. its an extremly bad way to start yelling at the players even before they start the game. dont say them to not say "oh no a female protagonist etc..." , thats extremly rude from you . be gentle and explain it in a sweet sneaky way is the best option.
- your "toaster with internet" is still able to run iray... congrats.. mine cant ( and so reflect my game ). in this case, no need to mention that
- the transition of lighting is pretty rude and suddent :O . you should cut the beginning. its very... wow... big change suddently.
i dont want to sound rude, but it can make peoples think about a scam attempt.. showing great quality and then BAM ! suddently change. ( just my opinion, not supposed to be taked rude)
- you dont need to add choice if they are NO choice. better to keep the story continu with render instead . i know you want to give a kind of Noire/detective/stressfull mood in the game, and the choice is a part of keeping the player inside the story. but its a bit bad too to have choices but no choices.
- a "x" too much in one the sentence of Myah
- Mc Donald's need caps in name and the "s" is separate
- I'll ... and not Ill ( or unless you talk about being sick , wich is not far away from the game idea XD )
- use the title Re-Demption only, and replace the 1.0 with your game version. check the options.rpy in renpy and you should see the line "The version of the game" where to change that and put your game version
well... it took me a few minutes to get it to the end of this version. not alots of informaton about the game plot for now. also i m not sure to have understand well about the story except the essential ( that she would be able to "jump" into her own memories with objectif to... understand why that other "her" exist and harass her... if its not that, then i dont understood
game have a few english broken, but its correct ( i m not english native soo i cant specifically say except some big typo or else )
the idea is interresting. we'll see where it goes, for now, its not enougth to get the good idea about it.
you really should avoid to put all thsoes "critics" in your game about peoples/players complaining, it make a very bad idea of the game and the dev behind.
thats it from me. hope i helped a bit and not sounded too rude
- Feb 4, 2018
- 127
- 108
its all done in 3dl btw- your "toaster with internet" is still able to run iray... congrats.. mine cant ( and so reflect my game ). in this case, no need to mention that
- Feb 4, 2018
- 127
- 108
- Oct 23, 2016
- 4,502
- 13,443
Hm. That was more interesting.
Still a lot of work to do. Many wrong or misspelled words, and a lot of jumping around storywise, but you can start to see were you are trying to go with this.
Still a lot of work to do. Many wrong or misspelled words, and a lot of jumping around storywise, but you can start to see were you are trying to go with this.
- Feb 4, 2018
- 127
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- Jan 28, 2018
- 2,221
- 2,411
- Mar 12, 2018
- 514
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Well, That escalated quickly... I'm not sure what I think about.