Oh, wow, a little gem in refining.
Marvelous models.
Marvelous music.
Marvelous overall design.
Then... the prologue:
I didn't read the 67 pages of discussion but... why?
I thought I was reading a Korean fantasy novel, so Korean that talks about grinding, then I hoped it was some sort of tutorial that was explaining the skills of an in-game combat system (or it was introducing a puzzle-choice). Damn.
It is not bad, it it set the focus out of the game, that it is supposed be about banging 2 hot redheads, mother and daughter.
I suggest to modify it (maybe in future, but it is actually a barrage that many will not trespass) and to make it much more short, to give the possibility of skipping it with a tl;dr option and such or even to remove it in part and recall it as flashback (I bet the other characters will come back, but still, it kills the mood).
My two cents.