Very well thought. I agree with the importance of the two factors you mention and think that it would be nice to see that mechanism implemented in some games, i.e., you should keep the secret and maintain the special flavour of the forbidden or it is game over.Again, I am not saying more than just my opinion.
The whole taboo of getting caught in a forbidden relationship depends on two factors: probability of getting caught, cost of getting caught. In a whole "harem incest family" both factors are reduced strongly.
-Probability of getting caught:
if family is happy of incest relationship, then the most likely candidates for learning about it are neutralized. In fact, it is quite easy to avoid getting caught: just fuck in the house. And even if people from outside the house would suspect it, your family members will help you hide it. Now if you are just banging your daughter, it is harder to justify why you are sleeping or taking bath with her to your wife/other family members. Also, it creates the fact that when you lie about it your family members are the most likely candidates to know your schedule: "wait, you told me you were working but our neighbor Sarah saw you in the park with our baby girl, why did you lie, husband?"
-cost of getting caught:
the closer the relationships that can be affected by the taboo sexual relationship, the higher the cost. Say you go to asia and some guy you never met and will never see again learns of the taboo relationship? who cares right? no danger here. In fact, this is so commonly known that is normal to use as an way to take the couple to holidays "lets go somewhere we can be a couple without hiding"
Now suppose your wife learns you are fucking her daughter (also your daughter), now that is a huge problem. You could lose everything way easily.
I hope that is clear.
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