Great start, I really like the quirkiness of the protagonist and the slice of life approach to the storytelling.
But I agree with others, the intro with the boy felt rushed, like just put there with no explanation, just for the sake of it.
And if she flirts with her friend to lose her virginity, stopping at a bj makes no sense (furthermore - she could lose virginity in other ways, there's no need for a boy for that, if she doesn't like him/boys...!).
Question: why a girl-only school?
I confess it's the only thing I don't quite like in the setting (not that it's relevant in any way to anyone but me... just sayin'...).
The setting was part of the original pitch that stayed. Originally we were thinking of making it college, because of patreon, but it felt better as a high school.
I have a plan for if you chose to end it at the BJ.
Got to admit I dislike the concept of a game that plans to focus on lesbian relationships starting off with the main character banging a dude. It strikes me as a poor selling point for your premise and framing it as you described "getting over her inhibitions" is tricky at the start of the story because we don't know the character yet.
I admit I had trouble finding a way to introduce this at all. There is a lot to learn about Evelyn and why she is the way she is as the story goes on, and I simply couldn't think of a good way to introduce her and who she is without a ton of exposition. I abhor exposition in games and prefer to let the story speak for itself.
Yes, the game has a lesbian tag, this is because aside from that one scene at the beginning you as the player get to choose whether or not to pursue the only other planned male character. As a result it's an appropriate tag. However, to me, Evelyn is not intended to be a lesbian. I actually really like the story that I have planned for the male teacher.
What makes you say that? Perhaps "effectively framing it" would have been a better way to word my post, the forum response seems to indicate that it wasn't effectively communicated and I believe trying to do so before the character is established puts the author at a disadvantage. The childhood friend is easily the most complained about aspect of the game so to suggest my comment has no merit feels harmfully reductive. To explain further: the game is advertised as a lesbian focused and takes place in a setting that further emphasizes that point, so starting with an act that deviates from what the game is advertising puts the author at a disadvantage. The fact that this is a game and not a novel and thus players go in expecting a bit of agency further increases that disadvantage.
Have you not played a lot of visual novels? Yes there's an element of player choice, but it's also a narrative, and this scene is important to that narrative. This isn't going to be a sandbox.
Was glad you could get rid of the turd at the beginning right away as I usually have no interest playing female protagonists going after dickless wonders. Would of been cool though if you could of just slammed the door in their face and been done with it right away even if it meant not seeing her screwing some dickless wonder I wouldn't of minded as I was spam clicking past his stuff anyway so I never saw it either way.
First time I saw Luke I placed a big black dot over their head to hide their face and then did it to the rest of the picture with them in it as well as the douche looking teacher. Then later got to pick I prefer real women over neanderthal's any day of the week option and spam hit that one.
One question though if the school is a girl only school then why is there a male teacher? That doesn't make much sense as the staff should be all females only otherwise it kind of defeats the purpose of a all girl school.
This certainly isn't the first work of fiction with male teachers at an all girl's school. Even with the name it's not like it's a Catholic school. They just chose the best available person for the job.
In closing, please everyone, have a little faith in me. This game is a mystery thriller with a lot of character development and things to discover with every character, even Evelyn. I sat down and made a full outline of the points this game has to hit and no character is wasted. This game will be a slow burn on the narrative with plenty of drama and sex to keep it well paced. I get that the scene with Luke was controversial but it's important to who Evelyn is as a character, showing how she thinks and why she thinks that way will be fleshed out further, but like I said I hate exposition dumps, my philosophy is show, don't tell, so if I can't show you who people are then I won't try.
edit: fixed cell phone typos and mistakes.