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VN Ren'Py Abandoned Seraphim Academy [Ch. 1-3] [Trinity Games]

4.70 star(s) 6 Votes

namehere

New Member
Jun 1, 2017
8
9
Got to admit I dislike the concept of a game that plans to focus on lesbian relationships starting off with the main character banging a dude. It strikes me as a poor selling point for your premise and framing it as you described "getting over her inhibitions" is tricky at the start of the story because we don't know the character yet.
 

namehere

New Member
Jun 1, 2017
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9
Seems you never read a novel.
What makes you say that? Perhaps "effectively framing it" would have been a better way to word my post, the forum response seems to indicate that it wasn't effectively communicated and I believe trying to do so before the character is established puts the author at a disadvantage. The childhood friend is easily the most complained about aspect of the game so to suggest my comment has no merit feels harmfully reductive. To explain further: the game is advertised as a lesbian focused and takes place in a setting that further emphasizes that point, so starting with an act that deviates from what the game is advertising puts the author at a disadvantage. The fact that this is a game and not a novel and thus players go in expecting a bit of agency further increases that disadvantage.
 

Gomly1980

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Jul 4, 2017
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What makes you say that? Perhaps "effectively framing it" would have been a better way to word my post, the forum response seems to indicate that it wasn't effectively communicated and I believe trying to do so before the character is established puts the author at a disadvantage. The childhood friend is easily the most complained about aspect of the game so to suggest my comment has no merit feels harmfully reductive. To explain further: the game is advertised as a lesbian focused and takes place in a setting that further emphasizes that point, so starting with an act that deviates from what the game is advertising puts the author at a disadvantage. The fact that this is a game and not a novel and thus players go in expecting a bit of agency further increases that disadvantage.
The forum response was from people that haven't played the game and took the devs word of "forced" to heart and thought it was rape.
 

namehere

New Member
Jun 1, 2017
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The forum response was from people that haven't played the game and took the devs word of "forced" to heart and thought it was rape.
There certainly are a few like that, but there are also some that dislike being forced by the narrative. I'd also say that the confusion is also something that is related to the narrative disadvantage of starting off with this that I was describing. I'm not trying to suggest the author can't overcome this disadvantage with good writing either, just suggesting it exists.
 

fsap1

Member
Dec 2, 2017
308
1,331
I like it. I'm can't stand overly romantic lesbian games. This one is aggressive, reminds me a bit of the sister from , even the model looks similar.

Short intro, but well done.
 

myuhinny

Devoted Member
Sep 7, 2017
8,364
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Was glad you could get rid of the turd at the beginning right away as I usually have no interest playing female protagonists going after dickless wonders. Would of been cool though if you could of just slammed the door in their face and been done with it right away even if it meant not seeing her screwing some dickless wonder I wouldn't of minded as I was spam clicking past his stuff anyway so I never saw it either way.

First time I saw Luke I placed a big black dot over their head to hide their face and then did it to the rest of the picture with them in it as well as the douche looking teacher. Then later got to pick I prefer real women over neanderthal's any day of the week option and spam hit that one.

One question though if the school is a girl only school then why is there a male teacher? That doesn't make much sense as the staff should be all females only otherwise it kind of defeats the purpose of a all girl school.
 

UncleVT

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Jul 2, 2017
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What makes you say that? Perhaps "effectively framing it" would have been a better way to word my post, the forum response seems to indicate that it wasn't effectively communicated and I believe trying to do so before the character is established puts the author at a disadvantage. The childhood friend is easily the most complained about aspect of the game so to suggest my comment has no merit feels harmfully reductive. To explain further: the game is advertised as a lesbian focused and takes place in a setting that further emphasizes that point, so starting with an act that deviates from what the game is advertising puts the author at a disadvantage. The fact that this is a game and not a novel and thus players go in expecting a bit of agency further increases that disadvantage.
So, is so wrong to include some of background of the MC in a porn game? And please, speak for yourself, not for "the forum response".
 
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DarthSeduction

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OK, this looks SUPER promising! I love the fact that for once we have a female protagonist who's not this innocent, naive saint that we need to corrupt in order to get some action going. I'll be keeping a close eye on this project, definitely!

As a side-note, noticed this during the school intro scene:


The phrase is "to be taken "
You're right, probably a line I wrote on my phone and just missed in the proofread. I'll fix that for the next release.
 

namehere

New Member
Jun 1, 2017
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So, is so wrong to include some of background of the MC in a porn game? And please, speak for yourself, not for "the forum response".
I never said it was wrong, just that this particular form of background puts the game at a narrative disadvantage from it's stated goal in that it clashes with how the game was advertised. I also started by saying that I personally dislike the context, I only brought up the forum response when you suggested I had "never read a novel" for having that opinion.
 
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DarthSeduction

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Great start, I really like the quirkiness of the protagonist and the slice of life approach to the storytelling.

But I agree with others, the intro with the boy felt rushed, like just put there with no explanation, just for the sake of it.
And if she flirts with her friend to lose her virginity, stopping at a bj makes no sense (furthermore - she could lose virginity in other ways, there's no need for a boy for that, if she doesn't like him/boys...!).

Question: why a girl-only school?
I confess it's the only thing I don't quite like in the setting (not that it's relevant in any way to anyone but me... just sayin'...).
The setting was part of the original pitch that stayed. Originally we were thinking of making it college, because of patreon, but it felt better as a high school.

I have a plan for if you chose to end it at the BJ.

Got to admit I dislike the concept of a game that plans to focus on lesbian relationships starting off with the main character banging a dude. It strikes me as a poor selling point for your premise and framing it as you described "getting over her inhibitions" is tricky at the start of the story because we don't know the character yet.
I admit I had trouble finding a way to introduce this at all. There is a lot to learn about Evelyn and why she is the way she is as the story goes on, and I simply couldn't think of a good way to introduce her and who she is without a ton of exposition. I abhor exposition in games and prefer to let the story speak for itself.

Yes, the game has a lesbian tag, this is because aside from that one scene at the beginning you as the player get to choose whether or not to pursue the only other planned male character. As a result it's an appropriate tag. However, to me, Evelyn is not intended to be a lesbian. I actually really like the story that I have planned for the male teacher.

What makes you say that? Perhaps "effectively framing it" would have been a better way to word my post, the forum response seems to indicate that it wasn't effectively communicated and I believe trying to do so before the character is established puts the author at a disadvantage. The childhood friend is easily the most complained about aspect of the game so to suggest my comment has no merit feels harmfully reductive. To explain further: the game is advertised as a lesbian focused and takes place in a setting that further emphasizes that point, so starting with an act that deviates from what the game is advertising puts the author at a disadvantage. The fact that this is a game and not a novel and thus players go in expecting a bit of agency further increases that disadvantage.
Have you not played a lot of visual novels? Yes there's an element of player choice, but it's also a narrative, and this scene is important to that narrative. This isn't going to be a sandbox.

Was glad you could get rid of the turd at the beginning right away as I usually have no interest playing female protagonists going after dickless wonders. Would of been cool though if you could of just slammed the door in their face and been done with it right away even if it meant not seeing her screwing some dickless wonder I wouldn't of minded as I was spam clicking past his stuff anyway so I never saw it either way.

First time I saw Luke I placed a big black dot over their head to hide their face and then did it to the rest of the picture with them in it as well as the douche looking teacher. Then later got to pick I prefer real women over neanderthal's any day of the week option and spam hit that one.

One question though if the school is a girl only school then why is there a male teacher? That doesn't make much sense as the staff should be all females only otherwise it kind of defeats the purpose of a all girl school.
This certainly isn't the first work of fiction with male teachers at an all girl's school. Even with the name it's not like it's a Catholic school. They just chose the best available person for the job.


In closing, please everyone, have a little faith in me. This game is a mystery thriller with a lot of character development and things to discover with every character, even Evelyn. I sat down and made a full outline of the points this game has to hit and no character is wasted. This game will be a slow burn on the narrative with plenty of drama and sex to keep it well paced. I get that the scene with Luke was controversial but it's important to who Evelyn is as a character, showing how she thinks and why she thinks that way will be fleshed out further, but like I said I hate exposition dumps, my philosophy is show, don't tell, so if I can't show you who people are then I won't try.

edit: fixed cell phone typos and mistakes.
 

namehere

New Member
Jun 1, 2017
8
9
The setting was part of the original pitch that stayed. Originally we were thinking of making it college, because of patreon, but it felt better as a high school.

I have a plan for if you chose to end it at the BJ.



I admit I had trouble finding a way to introduce this at all. There is a lot to learn about Evelyn and why she is the way she is as the story goes on, and I simply couldn't think of a good way to introduce her and who she is without a ton of exposition. I abhor exposition in games and order to let the story speak for itself.

Yes, the game has a lesbian tag, this is because aside from that one scene at the beginning you as the player get to choose whether or not to pursue the only other planned make character. As a result it's an appropriate tag. However, to me, Evelyn is not intended to be a lesbian. I actually really like the story that I have planned for the male teacher.



Have you not played a lot of visual novels? Yes there's an element of player choice, but it's also a narrative, and this scene is important to that narrative. This isn't going to be a sandbox.



This certainly isn't the first work of fiction with male teachers at an all girl's school. Even with the name it's not like it's a Catholic school. They just choose they available person for the job.


In closing, please everyone, have a little faith in me. This game is a mystery thriller with a lot of character development and things to discover with every character, even Evelyn. I sat down and made a full outline of the points this game has to hit and no character is wasted. This game will be a slow burn on the narrative with plenty of drama and sex to keep it well paced. I get that the scene with Luke was controversial but it's important to who Evelyn is as a character, showing how she thinks she that too will be fleshed out further, but like I said I hate exposition dumps, my philosophy is show, don't tell, so if I can't show you who people are then I won't try.
I appreciate the response. I have found that players tend to want choice more often than not when it comes to who to sex in vn type games but of course that isn't always the best case for the narrative. To each their own. I appreciate and am glad that you have the larger picture in mind and have a plan for your game. Best of luck.
 
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DarthSeduction

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I appreciate the response. I have found that players tend to want choice more often than not when it comes to who to sex in vn type games but of course that isn't always the best case for the narrative. To each their own. I appreciate and am glad that you have the larger picture in mind and have a plan for your game. Best of luck.
I totally understand what you mean here. I think the best way to understand this is, unlike many games that make their MC a blank slate who the player, for the most part, gets to decide how to behave with, Evelyn is just as fleshed out as any of the other characters.

Think of it as the difference between casting Kristen Stewart to be your MC vs casting Amy Adams. Kristen is a blank slate who you project yourself onto. Amy is a character who's role you step into to be someone you aren't.
 

iodio

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Jul 10, 2017
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Originally we were thinking of making it college, because of patreon, but it felt better as a high school.
Either college or highschool, it's fine with me - I was just curious about why it has to be an all-girl school.

I hope you will keep the bi- route/options open.

I get that the scene with Luke was controversial but it's important to who Evelyn is as a character, showing how she thinks and why she thinks that way will be fleshed out further, but like I said I hate exposition dumps, my philosophy is show, don't tell, so if I can't show you who people are then I won't try.
(I agree with you on the 'show, don't tell' philosophy, of course)
Personally, I have no problem with the scene with the boy, and I'm sure Evelyn's personality will be fleshed out later on. What I found troublesome it's not the "why" or "with whom", in that scene, but "how" it's explained. Not now, but maybe later you could maybe consider to write it in another way..?
 

DarthSeduction

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Either college or highschool, it's fine with me - I was just curious about why it has to be an all-girl school.

I hope you will keep the bi- route/options open.



(I agree with you on the 'show, don't tell' philosophy, of course)
Personally, I have no problem with the scene with the boy, and I'm sure Evelyn's personality will be fleshed out later on. What I found troublesome it's not the "why" or "with whom", in that scene, but "how" it's explained. Not now, but maybe later you could maybe consider to write it in another way..?
I wasn't kidding earlier in the thread when I said this scene is supposed to feel forced. Once you get the later info that fleshes Evelyn out you'll understand why she did it, you'll know how important it was for her to do this, why it was with Luke, etc. But to have made this scene work with all that information would have required not only a prologue, as this was, but an entire prequel to flesh out their relationship and her upbringing. And lets be honest, we already have a few updates to go through before the mystery starts in earnest, throwing all that backstory at you at once would have ruined the pacing of the game. As I said before, no moment is wasted. I have this all planned out and every action should make sense by the end.

Yes, her bi- route is definitely remaining open. As I said previously I really like the plans I have laid out for the male sex route. It's optional, but worth it if you're willing.
 
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4.70 star(s) 6 Votes