Okay I have now played it and am ready to share some thoughts. First, I like the setting and the overall plot so far and will be following this one moving forward. But there were a couple things I noticed:
First, and most noticeably, the game does need a solid proofreader/editor. There were some lines that read awkwardly and could use revision, and there were a lot of small spelling mistakes (where when it should say were, your when it should be you're, things like that) and punctuation issues (some sentences could use a comma to break it up, some sentences have too many commas and should be 2 shorter sentences, "its" not having an apostrophe at times when it should, etc). None of this was too distracting, I have definitely seen worse than this in some other games, but these kinds of errors happen just often enough that it makes it hard to overlook.
Second, and this is more just a general tip about writing, the info dump at the beginning where the MC is talking to himself was too long. There was a lot of information about the setting and so forth that would be better expressed through the story itself. A general rule for writing is "Show, don't tell". A few sentences setting up the background of the setting is fine. However, things like details about the war between the gods, electricity still being around but rare, and other world building information like this is much better if you work it into conversations the characters have throughout the story instead of just downloading it on everyone through a long monologue at the beginning. Remember the wise words of the Robot Devil from Futurama: "You can't just tell people how your characters feel! That makes me feel angry!"
Another minor thing with regards to the actual plot, the MC's uncle says at some point that if they just kill the king outright it would make MC unpopular with the people for a while. So far all we the players have seen of the king is a vile tyrant with absolutely no redeeming traits whatsoever. In contrast, the MC seems like a great, caring, compassionate, and wildly popular man. In order to make the bit where the MC has to formally challenge the king make any kind of narrative sense, we need to be given some kind of reasoning as to why killing him would be unpopular with the people. As of what we know of the situation right now, it seems like every man, woman, and child in the kingdom should be absolutely ecstatic to trade in the current king for MC regardless of the circumstances surrounding it. If your emperor is Commodus you don't care if he's murdered, dies of natural causes, or steps down as long as he's gone, especially if you know he's going to replaced with someone much better.
So that's what I've got for now. I'll be following the game to see where it goes, and good luck, I hope it's a success for you!
