how tf u even approach these topics im always so afraid to even mention that stuff irl
I really do not know. it is not like there is a formula to follow ... I think. To me it is all about being honest about what I do and not trying to hide that I create Visual Novels and erotic cgi art.
People react very differently when they hear that I am an indie game developer or writer or dabbling in 3d cgi art. That is usually the first intro I present people with. No need to mention the eroticism/porn part of it just yet. Especially if it is someone that I have just met.
Usually they tend to be curious about the art part first and I can confidently show them some SFW work on my cell phone. Most stop there but some are more interested in the game developer part. So I explain the basic and when they ask if they can play it, that is where I need to be very upfront about what it contains. Some stop right in their tracks while others are even more intrigued at that point.
Mostly it is men, who show an overtly interest in the VN when the erotic element of the VN becomes clear, where women tend to be more quiet about their interest. Women typically come to me later and very much in private when they get curious enough to ask me about the erotic/porn part of what I do.
There are usually quite a few raised eyebrows when I mention the different kinks that are a part of the VN, but that is also an opening into their own desires/fantasies. It was with this woman, and suddenly we found ourselves in a quiet corner, each with whisky and a deep dive into her fantasies/desires.
I think that not making the conversation awkward and lewd, but keeping it sober and very objective helps a great deal. I always detach myself from what I do. It is my belief that you, as a writer/storyteller have to be able to write about every subject without becoming emotionally attached to what you write about.
When I began writing erotic short stories, many years ago, one fan wanted me to write a story involving a father daughter affair. Nothing I had written up to that point had had any inclination of that particular kink: incest. I refused, because I could not see myself writing something like that as I had a teenage daughter at the time (my oldest) and it weirded me out.
She then proposed that I, as a writer of fiction, should be able to write about anything without getting emotionally invested/involved in the content of the story. I disagreed, but took up the challenge and ended up writing my best work. The story even won a few prizes on different adult story sites before I stopped writing erotic fiction.
This was before Facebook and such things as social media, so having more than 100k people read your story was quite something. Of course the measurement in traffic to the story was unique ip's, so maybe not 100k unique individuals, but still ... I was quite proud of that back in those days.
On a last note ... I would not know how to approach anyone right off the bat about these things, if I had not the whole game developer/writer/3d cgi artist thing going. Unless it is someone I am in a relationship with, be it sexual or platonic.
Sorry for the long rant and I am not sure if this helped in any ways, but i got to write a reply
Cheers - Kaffekop