Better, but still way to go. First of all, your Els looks like she's about to kiss someone.
The lips are not Els's, they are the default ones, anyway, they are not that far from the original. Anyway, I repeat what I said in my first attempt. It is the first time I try to imitate a character from a VN without any information about it. I am not an expert. At the moment I am making progress. I am happy with it.Better, but still way to go. First of all, your Els looks like she's about to kiss someone.