- Jul 20, 2021
- 2,043
- 4,569
Looking at Jack's face, makes me want to punch him right in the face. As the dev nailed the d-bag look on Jack's face.
IDK man, it's called Sullied Love not Love*sigh*
I-is NTR....
Avoidable?!
Update plzNew Android port. Nothing too fancy but let me know if you have any issues.
Version: 0.1D
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PLEASE don't @ me or DM me for updates. I always update my ports, YES I ALREADY KNOW ABOUT THE UPDATE.
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Mega
Size 44 MiB
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110+ renders means that it is 110+ renders. Renders are images. So this tells you something about the length of the update. Say you spend 3 seconds per image, that makes for a bit over 5 minutes.what = 110+ Renders means ??
i dont have 999999999 iq to teleport into devs mind to understand what these numbers is ..
I am a solo dev new to developing VNs. So I am still getting used to the workflow while juggling with my daytime job :/ But happy to hear you liked itVerry good update and story goes well but toooooo shorttt bro btw Jack is designed well for to be Bull
Yeah that is how I really wanted to do. But as you can see how most of them are complaining about the slow pace, I decided to skip all that and introduce all of the stuff, especially since there is only so much I can push in a single update alone.Initial takes:
This is a demo, not much content, which is fine. That being said, your pacing is a bit off. It feels like you are going at lightspeed. Slow it down. You're doing what a lot of newer writers do and are having the story told in big info dumps and internal dialogue.
The old saying is show, don't tell. You're telling. Introduce us to the characters more naturally. Show us in their lives.
Example - You straight up tell us the wife was a work driven woman prior to marriage. Instead, maybe have a scene of her and her husband at the café she used to work at. Chatting with her friends, waxing about the good old days, seeming a little disappointed when leaving, being more animated while they are there and more quiet when home, ect.
You can still have a discussion about her having always wanted to keep working, but then we have these prior clues to ready us for it. The information feels earned.
I'll leave off other examples, but you can do something similar with the different PoVs - showing the husband at work, not thinking of his wife left at home, and her PoV is bored, sitting at home, wondering what to do, missing the social interactions of work, ect.
Point being, you go from introducing the MC, to dropping a bunch of info, to meeting the antagonist, to him living there, ect, in about 5 min flat.
That's simply too fast for a good NTR story. You want to introduce the antagonist fairly quick, but not this fast. Build more of a character foundation, then bring him in.
For story stuff, if you've not seen it, I highly recommend checking out sites like Plotrr or Snowflake Pro. These will help you dive deep into the characters and story, plot it all out, and give you pacing recommendations and such.
Anyway, good work getting this out. It's an achievement of it's own to do this much. If you work on the story a bit, I'll def keep an eye on it.