Back for another round
I think it was Stephen King, but I'm not sure, who said that you should sit and describe your character meticulously, in all tiny details. Later, when you consider what your character will do in a certain situation, you can refer to this background. However, you shouldn't burden your reader with all that boring data. Write only what is necessary and when it is necessary.
Therefore, you're right; some information about the character is missing. But that's intentional because it:
- Will be revealed later.
- Is boring and unnecessary for the narration.
- Is purposely concealed to prevent the player from discovering certain things prematurely.
Considering that this is an adult visual novel, you should include even less information than in regular novels.
What really matters is that your character's behavior doesn't conflict with the logic of the world you've created.
Des starts to ask Jack a question, Jack makes a joke, Des never asks a question.
Not, that's not true! He asked! Remember when they went to room #104 right after the initial medical exam? That's when Desmond asked Jack how, in medical terms, to explain to his white neighbor why his white wife has a black baby.
Riley says that she left 3 years ago and that it's personal, then there's a little joking
This scene was meant to finish awkwardly.
This guy is standing too close to the action and staring blankly into the camera.
That's how I wanted to portray this character: the personal assistant of the Head of the BP Protection branch, someone who says nothing unless absolutely necessary. He's old but still very dangerous. He appears lazy and looks like he's staring into space, but in reality, he sees everything and is ready to act instantly. It may look creepy, and that's how it should be. His role in our visual novel is small, so I agree he's not described in great detail.
Why'd we get a long, sexy, look up the side of a mountain?
To show that it's huge and naturally well-protected against any enemies, and there's no sign of another entrance. Also, in my opinion, it sets up the following joke nicely.
Getting to the hidden base and not knowing how to get in or what they're supposed to do seems a little... incompetent? Shouldn't they have had a briefing or something?
That's what I said about that creepy driver-personal assistant. Sure, he could have explained everything in detail, but it would be against his nature. That's why he stayed silent the entire trip and then left, leaving the team to figure out how to get inside on their own. He decided that the paperwork he handed Terrence at the last moment contained all the necessary information.
Huh? I don't follow. How's that reference relate to this situation?
Either I am too old, or that's very cultural/language-dependent. In my understanding, this phrase slightly changed its initial meaning and was used to cheer up your team members in any dangerous situation. Of course, Terrence said it as a joke.
Are you trying to show off his insane grip strength?
Yes, exactly. Of course, it's exaggerated. It's not fun enough to call it a joke, but it's still fun.
Also, why the "Dutch Angle"? Is it supposed to be weird and that's the point?
Because it allows showing more of the vertical character's body on a landscape-oriented 1920x1080 image. I often use this technique to show my character closer and, at the same time, include part of the body that otherwise would be excluded.
Thank you for your review!
Yes, you have version 0.2. Now, you can update it to 0.5a