Pretty solid work. The renders are quite good, but given the background of the developer that makes a lot of sense. If anything, I think too much time is spent on the renders and animations -- I'd rather y'all just push the story forward instead! It's actually pretty interesting. Secret societies are always a fun hook for a story, and this is presented rather well.
The writing has definitely gotten better in each distinct segment of the game. I'm not sure if you guys just picked up a better English speaker or if the dev simply became more comfortable with writing over a few months, but starting at the Cleopatra hallucination the most recent scenes are much more readable compared to the starting bit with the breakfast & school.
Overall it's clear that the visuals of the game are pretty great -- there's a huge diversity of visual models, and not a single one of them looks silly! Quite the accomplishment.
I instantly turn off all sounds from a ren'py porn game the second it launches, so I can't really comment on it. No offense, but none of you can compare to whatever music I actually want to listen to.
Best of luck with development. It seems like you're learning as you go along, and the improvements to navigating the home are good, if a bit jarring because they change from night to morning.
Regarding game design? Right now the linear format seems fine. I strongly disagree with the people who want to dandbox-style the game. There's really not much that going sandbox would do. You'd just have to implement some sort of grinding mechanic to regulate progress -- I'd much rather you just tell the story on your terms than figure out how to wrangle players to do the things you want them to using mechanics.
Right now there's a lot of girls -- do you plan on slowing down and developing them as characters, or is this simply going to be a smorgasbord of one-off encounters?
Given that you can entirely cut out meeting the model, it seems hard to believe that she'll be important to any of the plot. So it seems like this game is going to be more episodic in nature? That's fine -- I just prefer developed characters. Although, I suppose that itch may be scratched with the mom and her daughter.
EDIT: re: the mechanics of corruption; Yeah, the number at the top right of the screen doesn't really make too much sense. But, frankly, it doesn't really have to. "I get better the more I do it, and it gets easier the more I do it to them" is perfectly adequate as long as you're not testing the player somehow. Right now it just seems like an arbitrary number indicating how strong you are, and as long as it stays that way, I couldn't possible give less of a shit.
Hope y'all are having fun developing the game.