I think the story is actually well written. Even if i found Keldar review constructive i do think it's also due to the lack of progress in the storyline rather than anything (you're harsher with what you love).
tbh, i felt very moved by the reaction of the MC after the Monique left and angry after at him for being lewd with every girl..part of me was just thinking (just get straight and grab a car and go find her lol). So to give this reaction, i'd say kudos. it's well done.
Same for Adele, i thought her make up with her brother was well done it felt realistic, you know kind of brotherhood misunderstanding that some of us may or may not know. But, if you have brothers/sisters..like me. Well, it felt right.
The reaction about the swingers was nice too. I, again felt angry at the MC lewd thoughts but well he's a man..with a lewd thoughts every 0.1 sec
. (the whole sister hanging while holding hands is a bit too much tho lol)
Then again for a 0.20..it feels short. But it's a good feel short, a i wish there was more feel short.
So, yeah for now i'll follow your patreon, if you're consistent in release i don't mind pledging
PS; you need a PR tho, i've read some nice typo like "the conversation drug on"