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Ren'Py Completed Twists of My Life [v1.1.2] [Novel]

3.80 star(s) 99 Votes
Discussion Reviews (99)
novel

novel

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Game Developer
Dec 5, 2017
498
2,211
Reese286 said:
Nicely done - I look forward to the next installment! It's a new take on an old story, nothing wrong with that and the renders are first rate _ Need more blonds tho :)

I realize English is not your first language and you do better in English than I would in Russian. If I can offer a bit of friendly advice, I strongly suggest getting a native or highly fluent English speaker to polish the text.
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Thank you. Learning languages is always useful. I'm trying, but until there is hard. Have in my youth such things to do)

The blonde will. Later I thought about it. But unfortunately, is not available to everyone. This is one of the characters in Alt branches and the relationship with her will only in a certain passage. Though, we will see how it goes. The game world can be expanded.
 
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Mykee83

Newbie
Aug 16, 2017
27
21
Barioz said:
Some things that are really confusing for me:

Although the MC says multiple times he is careful not to hit on girls after what just happened at his old school, the first time he speaks with Helena was in such a shameless and arrogant way I felt really embarrassed to play such a douchebag. I don't know if this is some case of lost in translation, but I doubt the goal was to make the MC look like a prick.

Also the names are often switched out of nowhere. First it's Helena then Lena then Helen then Lena again then Helen again and so on. MC's name is Alex but he introduces himself to Helena as Sasha. The daughter of MC's father's friend is introduced as Anne but then already immediately changed to Anya.
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The Lena one threw me at first but since her name is Helena I twigged on that Lena was just the shortened version.

"Sacha" only happens once pretty early on, but I already knew that Sacha is the Russian equivalent to Alex (shortened form of Alexander) so didn't throw me like the Lena one did.
 
M

Mykee83

Newbie
Aug 16, 2017
27
21
Reese286 said:
Nicely done - I look forward to the next installment! It's a new take on an old story, nothing wrong with that and the renders are first rate _ Need more blonds tho :)

I realize English is not your first language and you do better in English than I would in Russian. If I can offer a bit of friendly advice, I strongly suggest getting a native or highly fluent English speaker to polish the text.
Click to expand...
Already on it buddy, there's two or three of us who have offered and should be getting a look at it over the weekend.
 
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novel

novel

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Dec 5, 2017
498
2,211
Mykee83 said:
The Lena one threw me at first but since her name is Helena I twigged on that Lena was just the shortened version.

"Sacha" only happens once pretty early on, but I already knew that Sacha is the Russian equivalent to Alex (shortened form of Alexander) so didn't throw me like the Lena one did.
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Nothing. That's a good point. We will look and fix that.

The problem is translating that in our situation of course.Now when you connect to the English-speaking people think of will be less.
 
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novel

novel

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fromqb said:
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Passes will not be official. Because there is no scenes that open need. If the player who just wants to have a relationship, there are other options. In addition to those given in the story.

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tiofrodo

Newbie
Nov 19, 2017
52
59
Barioz said:
Some things that are really confusing for me:

Although the MC says multiple times he is careful not to hit on girls after what just happened at his old school, the first time he speaks with Helena was in such a shameless and arrogant way I felt really embarrassed to play such a douchebag. I don't know if this is some case of lost in translation, but I doubt the goal was to make the MC look like a prick.
Click to expand...
I actually loved the writing for this game, i live for sarcasm, but i also agree with this, at least from MC's point of view he kinda went way too quickly with every girl, the apartment girl and the teacher i can understand as they were more heat of the moment actions, but Helena and the shy girl i feel should have been slowed down, especially the shy girl as it is actually concurrent with Helena's story, even before the whole boyfriend debacle iirc. And there is the fact that the MC wants to take it slowly which he does the opposite.
Helena's story can be kept the same way because it can kinda be hand waved as the MC being hopelessly romantic which is the tone that i think you were trying to go for.
Shy Girl though needs to be just a friendship until shit starts going down in Helena's story, specially the date.
Apartment girl and Teacher or mostly fine, but depending on the turn you want the MC to make, working in some guilt into from his part might make it better.
Now the MC's actions vs his first stated desire, i think here you could just left the MC's wants more ambiguous and if you want it to be a defining characteristic, make it a choice if possible. Another option would be to change the day to day transition to irregular intervals of time. It would kinda resolve both of the issues cited in a storywise sense but wouldn't make it any more convincing, but it would keep the fast pace if that is what you prefer.
 
Barioz

Barioz

Active Member
Oct 9, 2017
903
1,538
tiofrodo said:
I actually loved the writing for this game, i live for sarcasm, but i also agree with this, at least from MC's point of view he kinda went way too quickly with every girl, the apartment girl and the teacher i can understand as they were more heat of the moment actions, but Helena and the shy girl i feel should have been slowed down, especially the shy girl as it is actually concurrent with Helena's story, even before the whole boyfriend debacle iirc. And there is the fact that the MC wants to take it slowly which he does the opposite.
Helena's story can be kept the same way because it can kinda be hand waved as the MC being hopelessly romantic which is the tone that i think you were trying to go for.
Shy Girl though needs to be just a friendship until shit starts going down in Helena's story, specially the date.
Apartment girl and Teacher or mostly fine, but depending on the turn you want the MC to make, working in some guilt into from his part might make it better.
Now the MC's actions vs his first stated desire, i think here you could just left the MC's wants more ambiguous and if you want it to be a defining characteristic, make it a choice if possible. Another option would be to change the day to day transition to irregular intervals of time. It would kinda resolve both of the issues cited in a storywise sense but wouldn't make it any more convincing, but it would keep the fast pace if that is what you prefer.
Click to expand...
Ya, not only does the MC the complete opposite of what he stated for himself in the intro straightaway (not to hit on girls because of what happend at his old university), but the way he speaks to Helena is very offensive or even rude. Like he was just knocked out a few seconds ago and then after barely coming back to his senses making overly lewd 'jokes' (can't even really consider them jokes) towards her instead of being polite or thankful for her help.

Later on it often switches between a normal dialogue and this offensive approach back and forth. So this lets me think it's maybe a translation issue and in russian he sounds normal but offensive in english.
 
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User_10739

Guest
Guest
Really enjoyed playing this, the models are quite beautiful and the artwork is excellent. The beginning was a little tough to understand with bad translation but it seemed to get better as it went along. Lots of content for a 0.2 and anxiously waiting for the next installment!
 
novel

novel

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Game Developer
Dec 5, 2017
498
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Barioz said:
Ya, not only does the MC the complete opposite of what he stated for himself in the intro straightaway (not to hit on girls because of what happend at his old university), but the way he speaks to Helena is very offensive or even rude. Like he was just knocked out a few seconds ago and then after barely coming back to his senses making overly lewd 'jokes' (can't even really consider them jokes) towards her instead of being polite or thankful for her help.

Later on it often switches between a normal dialogue and this offensive approach back and forth. So this lets me think it's maybe a translation issue and in russian he sounds normal but offensive in english.
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perhaps the difficulties of translation. Maybe you offended by what offends others. Anything is possible. Maybe I'm not your author. Thanks for the feedback.
 
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novel

novel

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There are different genres. There is a sandbox. They have a lot of options, but the text is constantly repeated and to some point it becomes boring. There are visual novels, where every text is unique. It is not only unique as a text, but also requires us unique art often. Every choice is a solid increase in games and work. I think I gave a hint why the choice is so little. Regarding the plot. if someone wants to work as the author of game, I don't mind. But just a few tips that you need to do otherwise will not be accepted. Since you a lot, and we have plans. And ideas for a sequel already there and they are written. To change something, makes sense, only with a clear understanding of the incorrectness of the chosen path.
 
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3.80 star(s) 99 Votes