VN Ren'Py Abandoned Welcome to Temptation [v0.3] [CarnalCardinalGames]

[ut1stgear]

Very nice start. Looks like a hair puller to me, two-handed one at that. lol You go girl. Even unfinished your stuff is great.
Edit: The lighting looks great. Brighter near the source and fades as you get further away until the shower is in shadow. Very very nice paying attention to detail.

 

[thecardinal]

Hm. I believe both the renders and the writing have improved since the initial release, so that's great.

For criticism, I firstly have to complain about the chapter choice menu (white text on white background, or something like that).
Second, I felt like the character sizing (and positioning) was a little inconsistent. For example, Sera looks taller/larger than Ella, and it's not at all clear that she should be.
Third, I thought some of the transitions were too abrupt - a wider establishing shot would help with many of them.
Fourth, it was over too soon.

1 and 3 are gonna be in a bug fix coming out scene, along with some grammatical errors, a few missing renders and renders that weren't hidden. Transitions will fade to black for 0.1 and 0.2 in the 0.2b
2 I could go back and fix someday, but right now just focusing on 0.3
4 Is that a 'it was too short' or 'wish there was more'? Or both?

 

[thecardinal]

Is this shower fog too cheesy?

 

[Bagger288]

4 Is that a 'it was too short' or 'wish there was more'? Or both?

Both - almost edited that clarification in.

After I was done with the update, I was engaged, wanted to see more, and didn't really feel like I had gotten an update's worth of content. I considered the amount of content in the game, and tentatively decided that it wasn't the number of renders that was low, but rather the amount of chaff.
Things moved fast, which I think is actually realistic for the age group (or younger) in question, but only sometimes - there would normally also be passive staring or lollygagging involved. What's more, everything seemingly happened more or less at once. How many days was that in-game, 2? How many bras, 0?

For the size issue, I expect it will be helped by those in-environment renders you talked about. If you want to mix both styles (like some VNs do), be sure to use the big ones first to establish scale.

 

[thecardinal]

Both - almost edited that clarification in.

After I was done with the update, I was engaged, wanted to see more, and didn't really feel like I had gotten an update's worth of content. I considered the amount of content in the game, and tentatively decided that it wasn't the number of renders that was low, but rather the amount of chaff.
Things moved fast, which I think is actually realistic for the age group (or younger) in question, but only sometimes - there would normally also be passive staring or lollygagging involved. What's more, everything seemingly happened more or less at once. How many days was that in-game, 2? How many bras, 0?

For the size issue, I expect it will be helped by those in-environment renders you talked about. If you want to mix both styles (like some VNs do), be sure to use the big ones first to establish scale.

It was a week that had passed, with Miles having an eventful day after his first week at home. The bra thing isn't changing though.

I'm working on writing dialogue better (it's lacking big-time) so the scenes will have more in them and not be so rushed. Thanks for the advice and feedback!

 

[Bagger288]

Is this shower fog too cheesy?
View attachment 112468

I like it. While all games have shower scenes, this one looks like an actual shower (at first glance).
There may be a bit too much fog, but any less and you'd have to add texture to the glass.

 

[ut1stgear]

I think the fog might be a little thick but not cheesy. It actually looks pretty realistic if someone were to crank up the hot water. If anything the mirror on the medicine cabinet would not be that reflective.
Edit: Just looked again and I remember days being outside in the cold, walking or driving, with fog rolling in. That's exactly the feel of this shower scene.

 

[thecardinal]

I think the fog might be a little thick but not cheesy. It actually looks pretty realistic if someone were to crank up the hot water. If anything the mirror on the medicine cabinet would not be that reflective.

I can't do anything about the mirror, it's just the angle and the bathroom is the size of a closet. But at least it looks like a bathroom, so many porn characters live in mansions.

I can turn down the fog, here is the same scene with and without.

 

[Bagger288]

School Bathroom. Is lighting too bright?

I'd say the lighting is just right for a school shower, but for a bathroom there's too much of it. There should be stalls absorbing light, or simply less lights in the ceiling.
I also think the washbasins are far too clean. They shouldn't be very reflective, because they're porcelain - not waxed marble.

 

[thecardinal]

I think the fog might be a little thick but not cheesy. It actually looks pretty realistic if someone were to crank up the hot water. If anything the mirror on the medicine cabinet would not be that reflective.

I can't do anything about the mirror, it's just the angle and the bathroom is the size of a closet. But I like that it looks like a bathroom, so many porn characters live in mansions.

I can turn down the fog, here is another render of the same scene with and without the steam
View attachment 112484 View attachment 112487

 

[ut1stgear]

I prefer the one with fog. Having a very clear definition of the medicine cabinet with the mirror opaque is what it would look like. If you're going for max eye candy then it would without the fog but the top one gives us the advantage of using our imagination, which I really like. I don't think you can tweak it enough to get it completely realistic but you have two that are very close.

 

[ut1stgear]

I hope your not a perfectionist, I suspect you might be, because you are working with an imperfect medium.
Edit:Go with one that "flips your switch" and let us live with it cuz in the end it's your game and you have to live with yourself.

 

[thecardinal]

Not a perfectionist, just trying to stand out amongst the crowd of developers.

 

[Penfold Mole]

Have to agree about the cursor but she already stated she is changing it to red.

Red really isn't a solution, since it would be as invisible against red-ish backgrounds as the black one is against dark backgrounds. A cursor needs an outline that is as different from the content as possible to make it visible everywhere. The best combination is white with a black outline. Some other bright color with a black outline works almost as well.

So I took the liberty to modify your original cursor, @carnalcardinal . I inverted it to white and added a black outline to it.
Feel free to use it in your game, if you wish.

Until then, anyone can grab my patch from my sig and replace it right now.

 

[thecardinal]

@Penfold Mole I will definitely use that, thanks!

 

[Penfold Mole]

Actually, here's two more versions. Red, as you wished. One filled with transparent red.
________________________

Couldn't stop myself and made one more. LOL
High visibility and red filling.

 

[Drendari]

Not a perfectionist, just trying to stand out amongst the crowd of developers.

You already do. Your writing is already above most and you're incredibly engaging here and actually dealing with feedback in a mature matter.

 

[ut1stgear]

Not a perfectionist, just trying to stand out amongst the crowd of developers.

That you are doing and quite well I might add.

 

[ut1stgear]

Actually, here's two more versions. Red, as you wished. One filled with transparent red.
________________________

Couldn't stop myself and made one more. LOL
High visibility and red filling.

Nice but I will probably wait for next update when @carnalcardinal uses one of them.
Edit:Love the cupid heart and arrow motif BTW.

 

[thecardinal]

@Penfold Mole Those all look good. Thanks!

@ut1stgear @Drendari Thank you guys!