Ren'Py Completed 2nd Chance, Text-based [v1.0 Bugfix] [xxerikxx]

[Ravencrone]

The player will be allowed to make choices for all these characters.

Well not all choices apparently, cause you are forced into choosing something for the plot. Example : You can't turn down Fay's advances, can't reject Peter as Fay, can't stop Gregory from taking your daughter's virginity, Sarah and Victor, etc . If you want to make this into a full game with more art and stuff you need to make choices matter. Some people are very sensitive about a certain topic, you may think it's fine but other people may not. So my advice is, if it's a choice regarding who ended up with who you always have to give a choice to the player, a choice that matters to the story. Still overall it has good and promising story, good luck.

 

[xxerikxx]

Well not all choices apparently, cause you are forced into choosing something for the plot. Example : You can't turn down Fay's advances, can't reject Peter as Fay, can't stop Gregory from taking your daughter's virginity, Sarah and Victor, etc . If you want to make this into a full game with more art and stuff you need to make choices matter. Some people are very sensitive about a certain topic, you may think it's fine but other people may not. So my advice is, if it's a choice regarding who ended up with who you always have to give a choice to the player, a choice that matters to the story. Still overall it has good and promising story, good luck.

Most of the choices you make in the game have small consequences (Like effecting the topic of the current conversation or decide what dress the girl will choose etc.) But there are some big decisions that really effect story (Like who the MC's girlfriend will be).

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[xxerikxx]

Ah yes, the good old i suck at art but i'm great at stories problem. I too have that issue.

Hehe. Yes that's the problem. I don't know anything about programing either so when I started this project I didn't expect it to ever become a visual novel. But I learned some very basic Ren'Py and decided to try to make a small game. Suddenly my small story evolved into 1200 pages of writing and a story with multiple side stories and a bunch of characters with complexed personalities . I just had fun creating a story, but I must admit that I think it would be cool to see it develop into a visual novel. So now I just hope some artist take interest in the project and turn it into something great.

 

[cccxxx]

i hope the writing gets better positioning than the pictures

 

[Ravencrone]

Like who the MC's girlfriend will be

That's only Cassandra and Harper right? Listen man if that's what you wanna do it's okay, i just want to give you a feedback after playing. Oh, if you introduce a girl character there's always a player that want her to end up with MC. Especially if the character get introduced early in the game, in this case Sarah. Well got disappointed after i found out that there's not a path for MC with her. All i'm saying is if you decide to remade the game with art might as well broaden the storyline.

 

[xxerikxx]

That's only Cassandra and Harper right? Listen man if that's what you wanna do it's okay, i just want to give you a feedback after playing. Oh, if you introduce a girl character there's always a player that want her to end up with MC. Especially if the character get introduced early in the game, in this case Sarah. Well got disappointed after i found out that there's not a path for MC with her. All i'm saying is if you decide to remade the game with art might as well broaden the storyline.

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[Balpheron]

Hehe. Yes that's the problem. I don't know anything about programing either so when I started this project I didn't expect it to ever become a visual novel. But I learned some very basic Ren'Py and decided to try to make a small game. Suddenly my small story evolved into 1200 pages of writing and a story with multiple side stories and a bunch of characters with complexed personalities . I just had fun creating a story, but I must admit that I think it would be cool to see it develop into a visual novel. So now I just hope some artist take interest in the project and turn it into something great.

Going on what I've read so far, you're making good strides. There is always new stuff to learn, but you're not at a level I'd call a newbie in terms of writing. Be proud of that and solidify it. That is what you do good. The rest will pick up and come together by itself in due time.
Take it from me at least, I'm within the industry, and an up and coming bona fide editor.
By the by, 1200 pages? What are we talking here? Word count?

 

[xxerikxx]

Thanks!

I don't really have ambitions to be a developer, but I decided last year that I should try to learn basic Ren'py and see if I could make a small game. I enjoyed the writing process so much that it ended up becoming a much bigger and more complex story than what I first intended.

I was also looking into trying to do some art-work but quickly understood my limitation in that regard so now I just hoping that someone competent will take interest in the project and evolve this game into something great.

Yes, 1200 pages is my Word-file (270 000 Words). I had to write it in Word because English is not my first language so I needed the red lines whenever I wrote a word wrong. In Ren'py it's around 35 000 lines.

 

[Shiftlock]

Hope people who play the game starts to give feedback soon ... This is my first game and I have worked on it for a year. Really hope someone enjoys the game even if there is very few illustrations in this version.

your game is great even thought there are a few pictures i reccomend you to put a few more but beside that i see potential in your game keep it like that

 

[Qoo-Rilla]

Alright. Maybe I should avoid this game. I read these texts and there are obviously too many things that raise anger or otherwise frustrate.

 

[StantheMan69]

This game has potential but right now its if frustrating.

There is almost not choices that matter in the game. I tried playing a bunch of time make a bunch of choices. The game always puts MC in a relationship with Harper. It somewhat does similar with Cassandra. It make MC have a relationship with your daughters best friend. No matter what you pick you can not seem to stop Gregory taking the MC daughters virginity. (I hate this and hope you add a way to prevent this.)

My biggest suggest for the game would actually have choices in the game. So if MC refuse to turn down a girl. MC actually turn them down or refuse them. Not go and have sex and a relationship with them anyway. Other big suggestion, Give us a way to make the MC stop Gregory from taking his daughters virginity. I also recommend having the correct tags. So in Genre you list Incest when there is none. If your are planning on having incest maybe put add future content or planned content. to put it in.

 

[xxerikxx]

This game has potential but right now its if frustrating.

There is almost not choices that matter in the game. I tried playing a bunch of time make a bunch of choices. The game always puts MC in a relationship with Harper. It somewhat does similar with Cassandra. It make MC have a relationship with your daughters best friend. No matter what you pick you can not seem to stop Gregory taking the MC daughters virginity. (I hate this and hope you add a way to prevent this.)

My biggest suggest for the game would actually have choices in the game. So if MC refuse to turn down a girl. MC actually turn them down or refuse them. Not go and have sex and a relationship with them anyway. Other big suggestion, Give us a way to make the MC stop Gregory from taking his daughters virginity. I also recommend having the correct tags. So in Genre you list Incest when there is none. If your are planning on having incest maybe put add future content or planned content. to put it in.

Thanks for the feedback. I answer under the spoiler button.

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[tazaaron]

Can you rate a game for no pics and animations that has a text based tag and says in OP no pics.

I wouldn't think so, guess we will find out.

 

[StantheMan69]

Thanks for the feedback. I answer under the spoiler button.

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Well I think the game has potential and would be cool to see you work on it more. It would also be cool if you could find someone that could animate scenes instead of just pictures of a character.

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[xxerikxx]

Well I think the game has potential and would be cool to see you work on it more. It would also be cool if you could find someone that could animate scenes instead of just pictures of a character.

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Yes I agree. I guess when I was writing this game/story I was thinking about it more as a visual novel than as a game. I have no knowledge when it comes to programing or game development so I needed to keep it simple to be able to complete this. So there was a main story I wanted to tell. I wanted to give the players the chance to influence the story a little bit without getting to far away from the main story. Therefore most of the player options are about conversation topics or how you want the character to respond to things that happens without taking the story in a new direction.

One thing I have underestimated is peoples need to avoid sexscenes. When I choose to follow the stories with Fae/Peter/Brenda - Sarah/Victor - Audrey/Gregory then it felt natural that there had to be a sexual element in these stories. To give players the options of avoiding sex was not something I was even thinking about. To me the sexual aspect makes those stories more interesting, but I understand that a lot of players feel differently. So if I do a rewrite of the story then that is probably something I will try to do.

At the same time... I hope to at some point write season 2 of the story so there can not be to many alternative stories when starting the new season.

 

[StantheMan69]

One thing I have underestimated is peoples need to avoid sexscenes. When I choose to follow the stories with Fae/Peter/Brenda - Sarah/Victor - Audrey/Gregory then it felt natural that there had to be a sexual element in these stories. To give players the options of avoiding sex was not something I was even thinking about. To me the sexual aspect makes those stories more interesting, but I understand that a lot of players feel differently. So if I do a rewrite of the story then that is probably something I will try to do.

I don't know that it was underestimating people's need to avoid sex scenes. As it was more underestimating people playing threw multiple times trying out multiple options. A lot of people like to see how different choices change things. So I think people like myself felt a little frustrated when trying to replay the game choosing other options and finding them to have little impact on how the game played out. Now knowing what you were trying to do makes it feel less frustrating for me at least. It just when you gave the Overview and stated that the player will make choices for the character. I went in expecting more changes at the choices. It didn't help that some of the choices sound like it would change the outcome, rather the just the conversation. Like trying to push Gregory away.

I did enjoy the story for the most part and think it would get a lot more attention from people if you could find someone to make animated scenes for the game. You could probably even start a Patreon account to get funding to help pay someone to do the scenes. Anyway hope you do a season 2 I would be interested to see where things go. The only thing I would suggest is given players the option to change some outcome in a scene that won't throw off the main story you're wanting to tell. That or change the overview to show that its a visual novel and your choices only alters the conversation up a bit.

 

[xxerikxx]

I don't know that it was underestimating people's need to avoid sex scenes. As it was more underestimating people playing threw multiple times trying out multiple options. A lot of people like to see how different choices change things. So I think people like myself felt a little frustrated when trying to replay the game choosing other options and finding them to have little impact on how the game played out. Now knowing what you were trying to do makes it feel less frustrating for me at least. It just when you gave the Overview and stated that the player will make choices for the character. I went in expecting more changes at the choices. It didn't help that some of the choices sound like it would change the outcome, rather the just the conversation. Like trying to push Gregory away.

I did enjoy the story for the most part and think it would get a lot more attention from people if you could find someone to make animated scenes for the game. You could probably even start a Patreon account to get funding to help pay someone to do the scenes. Anyway hope you do a season 2 I would be interested to see where things go. The only thing I would suggest is given players the option to change some outcome in a scene that won't throw off the main story you're wanting to tell. That or change the overview to show that its a visual novel and your choices only alters the conversation up a bit.

Yes I can change a little bit in the overview, but at the same time I like that all the choices should feel like they are all equally important. I want the player to stop and think when there are options, not just click through and feel that nothing matter. Some of the choices make big differences, and the rest makes differences to the current scene/conversation. I also think the choices give the player the opportunity to give the characters personality.

Yes I really hope to find a partner that can help me develop this with illustrations and animation. Also help me create a Patron site and bonus scenes for our patrons. I know very well that it looks crappy at the moment. And when I wrote the scene-description then that was mainly ment as info to the artist. I really would love it if someone would turn my story into something beautiful .

 

[gerg42]

DLing now. The models are beautiful. I tripped over the name a minute, but it's not a big deal. Ignore the complainers. Run with it. Good luck.

 

[Progenitor]

Played a bit but it felt like it has a bad case of the "too many characters". For fun I held ctrl for 10 seconds and already there were 6 new characters out of nowhere.

 

[xxerikxx]

Thanks for playing. There's a lot of characters in the game and in the first part of the story there's a lot of introduction to the characters. I understand that this might feel frustrating, but the storytelling gets better and I think many will find it enjoyable. In a update I might give the players the opportunity to not go to the nightclub the first day . The characters we meet there are not important for the main story so if the players are in no hurry to get to some sex scenes then they can go home and never meet Zoe, Kate and Kelly