HighbornTiger
First thank you for your excellent work on this VN. It's technically sound, the sound track works well, the Lis are uniformly attractive and compelling, the grammar is pretty good and the writing is as well. So - on balance 4+ stars at minimum. For the most part I enjoyed your VN. However you've asked for feedback so in to honor your wishes I hope you will take what follows as constructive criticism.
Plot and execution: The basic plot is intriguing. Nine super powered women from an alternate reality escape to our world to avoid persecution and slavery. The bad guy follows them and in his arrogance alters the protagonist so that he might "grow" to become a challenge, but puts a crippling timeline on his return which he believes will assure his easy victory and also ensures the MC will have to cause great pain to the women to take advantage of this opportunity.
Others have offered alternatives to suppress the pain felt by the women, so I won't comment about it, but it is a fairly significant oversight from a plot point of view.
The other issue here is the cultural differences between the women and the MC about the sexual congress. This tension really doesn't fly. The women's attitude toward sexual intimacy is fully revealed early in the VN. The presentation that the MC reframes their sexual views in the context of his culture and is concerned that he might be exploiting them if he agrees to join them in the sexual intimacy they are literally begging for is absurd. He is not some blushing 16 year old. Nor is he unacquainted with various other cultures views of sex. His objections are most simply put as "she doesn't understand the possible consequences of her offer and I'm not willing to take advantage of her ignorance or being less powerful in the relationship". Half of these women have to power to one way or another crush him like a bug. Further he's seen the power of two or three and knows that to be fact. By any reasonable assessment he is the "weaker" member of any pairing, and he knows it.
So the purpose served by this narrative is your (the author's) desire to write a slow burn while teasing the reader. Not the best approach to a quality execution of your basic plot. The women basically do not understand why he REJECTS them. He's a "worldly" guy. Viewing himself responsible to educate these women about the world to which they've fled, he would call them together and explain how this world differs from their's. Once that is understood, then treat them like adults not lost souls who need protection.
I'm a "medium burn" kind of guy. This isn't slow burn it flirts with being no burn. But that's my bias.
All that said - I 100% support your absolute right (duty really) to tell your story as you choose. I do enjoy your VN, I'd just like a little more action. Not a fap fest but just a bit more heat.
Good luck with your VN. Thanks again for your hard work and commitment to quality. I look forward to your next update.
First thank you for your excellent work on this VN. It's technically sound, the sound track works well, the Lis are uniformly attractive and compelling, the grammar is pretty good and the writing is as well. So - on balance 4+ stars at minimum. For the most part I enjoyed your VN. However you've asked for feedback so in to honor your wishes I hope you will take what follows as constructive criticism.
Plot and execution: The basic plot is intriguing. Nine super powered women from an alternate reality escape to our world to avoid persecution and slavery. The bad guy follows them and in his arrogance alters the protagonist so that he might "grow" to become a challenge, but puts a crippling timeline on his return which he believes will assure his easy victory and also ensures the MC will have to cause great pain to the women to take advantage of this opportunity.
Others have offered alternatives to suppress the pain felt by the women, so I won't comment about it, but it is a fairly significant oversight from a plot point of view.
The other issue here is the cultural differences between the women and the MC about the sexual congress. This tension really doesn't fly. The women's attitude toward sexual intimacy is fully revealed early in the VN. The presentation that the MC reframes their sexual views in the context of his culture and is concerned that he might be exploiting them if he agrees to join them in the sexual intimacy they are literally begging for is absurd. He is not some blushing 16 year old. Nor is he unacquainted with various other cultures views of sex. His objections are most simply put as "she doesn't understand the possible consequences of her offer and I'm not willing to take advantage of her ignorance or being less powerful in the relationship". Half of these women have to power to one way or another crush him like a bug. Further he's seen the power of two or three and knows that to be fact. By any reasonable assessment he is the "weaker" member of any pairing, and he knows it.
So the purpose served by this narrative is your (the author's) desire to write a slow burn while teasing the reader. Not the best approach to a quality execution of your basic plot. The women basically do not understand why he REJECTS them. He's a "worldly" guy. Viewing himself responsible to educate these women about the world to which they've fled, he would call them together and explain how this world differs from their's. Once that is understood, then treat them like adults not lost souls who need protection.
I'm a "medium burn" kind of guy. This isn't slow burn it flirts with being no burn. But that's my bias.
All that said - I 100% support your absolute right (duty really) to tell your story as you choose. I do enjoy your VN, I'd just like a little more action. Not a fap fest but just a bit more heat.
Good luck with your VN. Thanks again for your hard work and commitment to quality. I look forward to your next update.
