VN Ren'Py Abandoned A.O.A. Academy [Ch.5 Gold] [TLGGAMES]

[Cirdon]

There is an imbalance of power dynamics between the MC and Jenny, which is because she's rich and owns half of the school and the player being a normal person who comes from a farm. But the imbalance won't stay that way forever, in the next few chapters it'll shift and become a healthy relationship between Jenny and MC.

As I have said before, I don't have any problem with the story you've written.

I just strongly believe that as written so far it needs a FemDom tag.

And no, it won't become a healthy relationship between Jenny and MC. Even if you have some way that she's losing all her money/influence (which is certainly possible with her father's death depending on the will) or MC's gaining money/influence, that's not going to happen.

MC is just coming into the school from his country life, never gets to settle in with Ashley and BAM, get on the roller coaster because we just went from 0 to 100 and MC just reacts like he's been slipped a large dose of lithium because none of it phases him for more than a second.

He just resisted an ORDER for his work uniform to be nude, was told that he's being given leeway this time, but better toe the line next time, gets manhandled by Jade and then suddenly he's open to a long meandering conversation with Jenny in her room where he discovers her humanity?

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME. I COMPLETED YOUR ARBITRARY TASK PUTTING ME ON SHOW LIKE A SEX OBJECT I'M NOT LETTING MY GUARD DOWN TO ACCEPT YOU MIGHT NOT BE AN EVIL BITCH.

I mean really? It's like you wrote one path for his accepting all this, getting naked and enjoying the attention then maybe added 3 lines of different dialogue and skipped other sections for the resisting being coerced into sex with someone who's holding a sword over your head.

You don't come back from that to any kind of a healthy relationship. That's not a thing. Especially not with the internal dialogue you've written for the MC so far.

It's like you the Dev took the same attitude that any guy would be perfectly fine being blackmailed into being a rich girl's boytoy as long as that rich girl (and her minions) are hot enough.

And from the reaction in this thread, that's not a particularly uncommon mindset to come at this from. I really do get that.

None the less, the other side of that coin's here too. As a player I'm going to have the least possible to do with Jenny and her Minions as you allow me to.

I don't want her in my Harem, I don't want a healthy relationship with her, I want her as far outside my life as MC as possible.

Yet, as you've taken her as your avatar, I'm assuming she is the keystone to the entire plotline and that's not going to be a choice.

So those that are okay with that will enjoy this game, and I'll quit playing when it becomes evident I cannot avoid that relationship.

That's okay.

You the Dev aren't supposed to please everyone, if you do then you write something that is all too like every other game on here.

So if you feel like you just haven't communicated the dynamic properly, sure, update the game and I'll actually be happy to start from the beginning to see another attempt at communicating it.

But if all you're doing is adding a layer of slightly less coercion to that power dynamic, then don't bother.

You just keep on with your original vision of the story.

Yes, you'll absolutely lose some of us.

But you'll end up with the game you meant to write and you'll still have a big audience of those who love what you've written.

 

[JLP603]

Personally, I found no problems with the way jenny was written or portrayed going from normal to 100. It was jarring yes but I think that was intentional and I felt the dialogue was ok enough calm us down from the initial shock of suddenly stripping. Also who is the girl from the banner with the light apple green background? So far I've seen every single one of the girls in the banner except for the moppy black haired girl in the black sweater

 

[TrueLoveGames]

Personally, I found no problems with the way jenny was written or portrayed going from normal to 100. It was jarring yes but I think that was intentional and I felt the dialogue was ok enough calm us down from the initial shock of suddenly stripping. Also who is the girl from the banner with the light apple green background? So far I've seen every single one of the girls in the banner except for the moppy black haired girl in the black sweater

She's the actress at the opening section of the prologue ( The Queen in the TV ). She'll come and be another student at the academy later.

 

[oidex]

She's a deeply troubled individual trying to find a way to be happy, like most of the other characters in the story.

Was it realistic? Maybe not. Does this make her likable? Maybe not. I didn't set out to make a perfect girl that everyone will love from the get go. I wanted a character that grows as the story progresses, and instead of being perfect, she learns and becomes a better person through interactions with other characters in the story and you.

I wonder if Harvey Weinstein's lawyers tried the same defense.

 

[Tragic Princess]

Hi all,

I've silently watched over the thread and read a lot of suggestions regarding a better implementation of Jenny's character in the story. I think there's a lot of backstory that I've planned for the character that people simply didn't know yet, since her character's past will only be explained in the next chapters.

No characters in the game is purely black or white, most of them are somewhere in the gray area.

Her intent to help others with a similar past with her is genuine. The reason most of the girls that lived inside her house thinks highly of her is because she gave them a better life compared to what they had before.

Her intent to help you though, is purely for her own personal reasons that will be told later in the story. That's why she treated you and the other girls very differently.

Jenny has a deep fear of rejection and hates losing people she cared about. She will do everything she can to keep people interested in her. This was compounded by the fact that her adoptive father always giving her anything she wanted, making her a lot more selfish in the process. She didn't have anyone to say what she did was wrong, and she learnt the wrong lessons in life while growing up.

She's a deeply troubled individual trying to find a way to be happy, like most of the other characters in the story.

Was it realistic? Maybe not. Does this make her likable? Maybe not. I didn't set out to make a perfect girl that everyone will love from the get go. I wanted a character that grows as the story progresses, and instead of being perfect, she learns and becomes a better person through interactions with other characters in the story and you.

I hope that everyone can be patient and judge her entire character later after her storyline closes.

She does comes off to me as a caring sweetheart to me for the most part, I still love her character.

 

[Jeevant]

I don't know what to say about that, it's a fucking hard job to dev a game of BaDIK's caliber and DPC makes a shitload of dough, that's also a major factor to take into account. Let's not forget how much time it takes him to release an update.

DPC is a well-known dev with a loyal fanbase, a newcomer might have a problem with a schedule like his. Check Come Inside for reference, it's an amazing game, amazing women, high-quality visuals (no animations yet, but dev can still add them later), a really interesting story ... worst part is the release schedule, it's a nightmare. IIRC the dev said he works alone and he's also a perfectionist, thus the long delays. (hope it won't be the same with this game)

I agree with everything else you said, the dev did a damn good job with this one, this game is a gem and top-notch renders are always a plus and a good start to build your rep as a dev. If he keeps up the good work, this one has top 3/5 on f95zone potential. Let's see how much time the dev takes to release updates and how much content these updates have.



Somebody's gotta do the "dirty" work, right ?? I'm always willing to make a sacrifice like that for the community to help all those lonely women who want some much-needed orgasms and love.

how nice of you to do the "dirty work"....and people say that i am selfish

 

[elysium1988]

The problem here is that people do not understand that most porn games, visual novels are stories and a story cannot always be morally correct no matter how hard a developer/writer tries. Yes obviously I wish a game could be all encompassing, providing morally correct options in every choices but that is just too much work for a single developer.

I really hope TrueLoveGames doesn't feel too much pressure and overthinks his/her story and game because of this discussion about the morality of the Jenny part. Its a sex game after all and you are telling a story, no matter how much black or white or gray. You have created something beautiful here, please keep up the good work. I think the most viable logical solution about this issue of sexual exploitation/blackmail is to add a femdom or blackmail tag. So that people who are not okay with any of those stuff can choose to not play it.

 

[Ragnar]

I'll rewrite and add some scenes in the prologue chapter along with the first chapter to make her less forceful in her approach. However, this will necessitate a full replay of the prologue chapter, which I don't think that most people would like to do.

I didn't expect people to hate her as much as they did. Maybe it's a writer's bias, or perhaps it's because I already knew her story while writing the prologue chapter.

There is an imbalance of power dynamics between the MC and Jenny, which is because she's rich and owns half of the school and the player being a normal person who comes from a farm. But the imbalance won't stay that way forever, in the next few chapters it'll shift and become a healthy relationship between Jenny and MC.

Well, the thing with Jenny is that she got you by the balls and you must be passive or you get a bad end, otherwise she looks really hot and seems like a fun girl.
If you're into femdom I suppose the situation is great, but if you're more into maledom you don't enjoy being pussy whipped at all.
I don't mind blackmail and darker themes like rape, although I prefer to be the one doing it, games are fantasy and the only limit must be your imagination.

 

[Ripson]

Great work, by the way, can anyone name the song used?

 

[joe powa]

I honestly feel bad for being forceful about this, as you obviously
a) have tremendous talent (that I don't)
b) have a clear vision of the story and the character
and
c) didn't expect some of us to react negatively like this

I wasn't looking to insult you, or the game. While I'm trying to offer constructive criticism, again that I emphasize is so written because I am excited about the potential I see in the game, I also know that such criticism can come across as either an attempt by others to dictate how your story should be written, or just as sort of an emotional slap in the face that can hurt one's excitement about their own project.
So, if my behavior comes across that way, I do apologize.

I couldn't agree more

I will not have criticis this far if i don't had liked the game
But i don't want to force my vision
So i apologise too
It's my vision, my reaction, but not my game and it's not a bad game so !

I'll rewrite and add some scenes in the prologue chapter along with the first chapter to make her less forceful in her approach. However, this will necessitate a full replay of the prologue chapter, which I don't think that most people would like to do.

I didn't expect people to hate her as much as they did. Maybe it's a writer's bias, or perhaps it's because I already knew her story while writing the prologue chapter.

There is an imbalance of power dynamics between the MC and Jenny, which is because she's rich and owns half of the school and the player being a normal person who comes from a farm. But the imbalance won't stay that way forever, in the next few chapters it'll shift and become a healthy relationship between Jenny and MC.

Well for me the problem was not that she is forcefull and not a overly good person but the reactions towards her.
Because Jenny hasn't done nothing. She is not only a little forcefull. She has done thing condamnable
In one possibility she's good, really good, and everybody love her
In other possibility, she's good but with her flaws, (and it seems you have writing her like this) but then her flaws have consequence in how people react to her (not only bad reactions, but not only good reaction too).
And except the Brother who really want to be in her good side, the reactions off everybody was like she haven't done anything questionnable and well that was weird for me, but yes perhaps only for me.
I don't really think you have to rewrite the story if you don't want it, and if is change Jenny as a character. But maybe add more possibility of reactions towards her i don't know...
I think the reactions of the mc is more your reaction towards her (with all you have planned and know) than our reaction with what we know.

In all it's a great game, and your writing is one of the reason of this
You have a way to play with expectations and trop of such games that is refreshing !
Eric has caught my attention, mc is actually a person, with a story, a physique, a personnality, the mc x ashley relation is really agreable to read
Adam is verry detestable (and it's good to have a character to dislike). Art is really good too. (perhaps women's physique a bit to similar, but it's just the prologue so.... and ashley friend seems to be different body wise )
So yeah great great game, I havn't been exited by a game in this site since long

I think the thing people don't like about the power dynamic is less that it exists, and more that it makes us feel exploited as players. She told us we either capitulate to her, or she and her brother would use their influence to hurt us and any attempt we might make to go to college, anywhere, ever.

Yeah for me the problem is not the power dynamic, but the reaction toward it, the no-impact that it have in the relations of Jenny with others characters (for now) and mc

 

[ghjghjghj]

I haven't gotten far yet, though the art seems to live up the beautiful samples which is really just incredible.

However... It seems like this has also kind of fallen into the "clicktrap" that seems to plague games, particularly ones going for a slightly more serious/dramatic feel. Yes, adding clicks adds a bit of a forced pause which can be useful. But doing it constantly just gets fatiguing. Devs really need to consider just how long players are going to need before they want the next scene. It's not uncommon for there to just be a few words given out for a click here. I don't need that long to read "Dad..." for example. Honestly even a full line of text doesn't take long.

It's fine occasionally, but when it's used so often it's just too much. I really don't want to feel like I'm playing the first 30 seconds of a clicker game for the entirety of this thing, you know?

 

[Shepp4rd]

wow nice start, really nice looking girls. Looking forward to the next updates.

 

[botc76]

Well, the art/the ladies look/s great, the writing is okay, maybe a bit too many errors throughout the game.
Generally, the BaDIK vibe is a bit strong, right now it does seem almost like a complete rip-off, there are hints that the story will be different, but as it is now, the similarities are overwhelming.
That in itself is no catastrophe, there are after all many games here that have extremely similar starting points.

Gotta agree with the sentiment of many, a lot of the Jenny part makes you uncomfortable, if you aren't into femdom, but I think even if I was, I wouldn't have liked being threatened and forced into cleaning up for a bunch of girls half- or completely naked.

What Jenny does is simply extortion and that isn't something anybody would walk away from lightly and just act normal around her half an hour later and then spend an afternoon talking with her.

I accept that you want to write a troubled character who has two sides, but is basically good, the problem is that this isn't at all how she appears.
She appears like a spoiled rich bitch, willing to do anything to get what she wants, even if it means ruining someone's life if he doesn't agree to become her slave.

You could do that and later let her slowly change by getting the know the MC and by him and through that us getting to know her background, but to go from "hey, if you don't do what I want, including sexual harassment, you can go back to your hick-town."
to "I'm really a good person who just tries to give something back, because my father did so many good things for me."
That just isn't believable. Especially with the MC acting as if he is completely fine with it.

And I'm not trying to tell anyone how to write their game, I'm just saying there is no way, NO WAY, this doesn't come off as weird, a jarring, unbelievable transition and Jenny as an unlikeable bitch, maybe with a second schizoid persona, who happens to be nice.

I for one wouldn't ever accept to strip to the nude for these girls, under these circumstances and tbh that everyone acted as if the MC did, despite me deciding not to, was another source of frustration.

I'm sorry, I'm fine with strong women, but I think apart from those really into femdom (and like I wrote, I think even for some of those it might be difficult), not many will like that kind of approach.

 

[PervyRaiko]

Hello! Typical lurker here, feeling the need to share his opinion:

I do agree that shit got from 0 to 100 at neck breaking speed with Jenny's scene, but really life do be like that sometimes (maybe not always in a "4 hot girls eyefucking you and then getting a bj" kinda way, but still).

Not to mention, it's already stablished that everyone on Jenny's clubhouse has some sort of personal issue which we don't really know anything about at this point so maybe that will be a big factor on situations like this one in future updates.

Same with Jenny, we don't really know anything conclusive (I mean fuck, I dunno how long this game plans to be but this isn's even 10 mins of story); and like the dev mentioned before, she's basically a spoiled rich girl who never hand someone to hand slap her and tell her when things were wrong and maybe has trouble expressing herself in other ways...and while I personally don't know many spoiled rich girls, I do know people with different backgrounds who have trouble expressing themselfs in ways that are usually considered "normal".

At the same time, I understand that even if I have no issues with how the story is going in the prologue there will be people that are not ok with it, but I'm of the firm believe that we should watch a full story arc unfold for us to truly judge a character and their actions (maybe the limited MC choices that some people commented about are also part of the road to that) and if at the end of the road there are still people who dislike characters and parts of the story, that's totally fine too! Not everyone has to like/dislike the same stuff!

I also personally disagree with the dev having to rewrite stuff this early on development, and only going down that route if the story isn't flowing as he/she expeted it to go. (or if a HUGE percentage of the player base wants a rewrite, maybe? in which case do remember that replaying the prologue is sometimes the norm on other games so no issues there)

Finally; I do speak as a casual story reader that has a lot of reding experience but next to nothing when it comes to "what makes a story good" so I may just sound like I'm talking out of my ass here. Hope Everyone has a great day!

 

[LordLestat]

Hello! Typical lurker here, feeling the need to share his opinion:

I do agree that shit got from 0 to 100 at neck breaking speed with Jenny's scene, but really life do be like that sometimes (maybe not always in a "4 hot girls eyefucking you and then getting a bj" kinda way, but still).

Not to mention, it's already stablished that everyone on Jenny's clubhouse has some sort of personal issue which we don't really know anything about at this point so maybe that will be a big factor on situations like this one in future updates.

Same with Jenny, we don't really know anything conclusive (I mean fuck, I dunno how long this game plans to be but this isn's even 10 mins of story); and like the dev mentioned before, she's basically a spoiled rich girl who never hand someone to hand slap her and tell her when things were wrong and maybe has trouble expressing herself in other ways...and while I personally don't know many spoiled rich girls, I do know people with different backgrounds who have trouble expressing themselfs in ways that are usually considered "normal".

At the same time, I understand that even if I have no issues with how the story is going in the prologue there will be people that are not ok with it, but I'm of the firm believe that we should watch a full story arc unfold for us to truly judge a character and their actions (maybe the limited MC choices that some people commented about are also part of the road to that) and if at the end of the road there are still people who dislike characters and parts of the story, that's totally fine too! Not everyone has to like/dislike the same stuff!

I also personally disagree with the dev having to rewrite stuff this early on development, and only going down that route if the story isn't flowing as he/she expeted it to go. (or if a HUGE percentage of the player base wants a rewrite, maybe? in which case do remember that replaying the prologue is sometimes the norm on other games so no issues there)

Finally; I do speak as a casual story reader that has a lot of reding experience but next to nothing when it comes to "what makes a story good" so I may just sound like I'm talking out of my ass here. Hope Everyone has a great day!

I have to say I agree with you 100%. The author should have the freedom to write what he wants and how he wants it. The scene in question does come from the left field a bit, but I do not think in any way it's bad and that it should be rewritten.

At this point it's mostly up to the dev whether he wants to write what he has in mind or try and cater to as many people as possible, probably lowering the quality of the story in the process.

 

[Max1276]

As I have said before, I don't have any problem with the story you've written.

I just strongly believe that as written so far it needs a FemDom tag.

And no, it won't become a healthy relationship between Jenny and MC. Even if you have some way that she's losing all her money/influence (which is certainly possible with her father's death depending on the will) or MC's gaining money/influence, that's not going to happen.

MC is just coming into the school from his country life, never gets to settle in with Ashley and BAM, get on the roller coaster because we just went from 0 to 100 and MC just reacts like he's been slipped a large dose of lithium because none of it phases him for more than a second.

He just resisted an ORDER for his work uniform to be nude, was told that he's being given leeway this time, but better toe the line next time, gets manhandled by Jade and then suddenly he's open to a long meandering conversation with Jenny in her room where he discovers her humanity?

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME. I COMPLETED YOUR ARBITRARY TASK PUTTING ME ON SHOW LIKE A SEX OBJECT I'M NOT LETTING MY GUARD DOWN TO ACCEPT YOU MIGHT NOT BE AN EVIL BITCH.

I mean really? It's like you wrote one path for his accepting all this, getting naked and enjoying the attention then maybe added 3 lines of different dialogue and skipped other sections for the resisting being coerced into sex with someone who's holding a sword over your head.

You don't come back from that to any kind of a healthy relationship. That's not a thing. Especially not with the internal dialogue you've written for the MC so far.

It's like you the Dev took the same attitude that any guy would be perfectly fine being blackmailed into being a rich girl's boytoy as long as that rich girl (and her minions) are hot enough.

And from the reaction in this thread, that's not a particularly uncommon mindset to come at this from. I really do get that.

None the less, the other side of that coin's here too. As a player I'm going to have the least possible to do with Jenny and her Minions as you allow me to.

I don't want her in my Harem, I don't want a healthy relationship with her, I want her as far outside my life as MC as possible.

Yet, as you've taken her as your avatar, I'm assuming she is the keystone to the entire plotline and that's not going to be a choice.

So those that are okay with that will enjoy this game, and I'll quit playing when it becomes evident I cannot avoid that relationship.

That's okay.

You the Dev aren't supposed to please everyone, if you do then you write something that is all too like every other game on here.

So if you feel like you just haven't communicated the dynamic properly, sure, update the game and I'll actually be happy to start from the beginning to see another attempt at communicating it.

But if all you're doing is adding a layer of slightly less coercion to that power dynamic, then don't bother.

You just keep on with your original vision of the story.

Yes, you'll absolutely lose some of us.

But you'll end up with the game you meant to write and you'll still have a big audience of those who love what you've written.

maybe you can stop play this game as i see you like nothing ,try to create your own game will be a good solution ,sorry but i really don't like when people criticized work made from other ,you don't like the story ? ok you don't like Jenny Character? ok stop play this game ,there are many games to play ,that's what i think and again is a GAME ,PORN GAME NOT REALITY.

 

[joe powa]

maybe you can stop play this game as i see you like nothing ,try to create your own game will be a good solution ,sorry but i really don't like when people criticized work made from other ,you don't like the story ? ok you don't like Jenny Character? ok stop play this game ,there are many games to play ,that's what i think and again is a GAME ,PORN GAME NOT REALITY.

Well never create something
Critisim is not negative and mean, it can obviously but not always and there it's not the case

 

[Cirdon]

sorry but i really don't like when people criticized work made from other ,you don't like the story ?

That's certainly a viewpoint.

I prefer to criticize game elements I find discordant and prefer to read forum threads from others who do the same.

So, maybe if you don't like it when people criticize work made from another you should skip reading the forum threads and just go enjoy the game?

 

[Lady Aspen]

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[botc76]

maybe you can stop play this game as i see you like nothing ,try to create your own game will be a good solution ,sorry but i really don't like when people criticized work made from other ,you don't like the story ? ok you don't like Jenny Character? ok stop play this game ,there are many games to play ,that's what i think and again is a GAME ,PORN GAME NOT REALITY.

That post deserves a price, really. Haven't read something that made as little sense for a long time.
You don't like criticism? Like at all? Under no circumstances? How about crawling under a rock then, because sorry to break it to you, as long as anything happens, creatively or not, people will have a positive or negative opinion about it and that always includes criticism.

Besides, criticism is a positive thing, as long as it isn't just a negative diatribe.
Someone who creates something is almost never able to judge it objectively, it's his or her creation, so how could they?
In addition many things that look good in theory don't work out when presented to the public, whether it's readers, viewers or players, that's why you NEED criticism to make you aware of those problems, you couldn't even see.
Books, comics, films and many games usually have editors who often catch the worst of the bad ideas, before the public actually gets to see them, but those aren't infallible as well, not to mention that many games here are never seen by anyone resembling a story editor.

Case in point this game here, of course the dev should tell his story, but if people play it and feel that something doesn't work the way it should be and make the dev aware of it, that is a good thing.
In the end it's up to the dev to decide what to do, but a good dev, who wants to improve will always be willing to at least consider if the criticism is valid.

And as for the last part of your post, I for one LIKED the game and that's WHY I decided to point out the one thing that wasn't working for me at all.
I'm pretty sure none of the people who wrote their opinions here in the thread, need you to tell them that they should or shouldn't play the game, because there is a fucking difference between not liking fe. a genre like NTR (where you would simply not play those games) and not liking an aspect of a game you otherwise enjoy.