- Nov 22, 2018
- 611
- 700
Three things irritate me:
- Tenses are a bit messed up.
- Names are often not capitalized.
- Lots of "the" where they don't belong.
Also, there's a bit of confusion about Vicky and her brother. If you don't ask about their relationship on the train, the MC will seem to know they're siblings before talking to Vicky, and then she tells him they're siblings, which surprises him.
- Tenses are a bit messed up.
- Names are often not capitalized.
- Lots of "the" where they don't belong.
Also, there's a bit of confusion about Vicky and her brother. If you don't ask about their relationship on the train, the MC will seem to know they're siblings before talking to Vicky, and then she tells him they're siblings, which surprises him.
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