- Mar 31, 2020
- 87
- 120
For the moment is more lesbian content then straight content. Straight content is mainly teasing
- Thread starter Lockheart
- Start date
- Mar 31, 2020
- 87
- 120
Jeez, don't say that. You're going to start a whole 'Release the Megalodong' movement. Ugh.Release the Megalodon!
poor Byron will explode within 10 seconds after all that teasing
- Feb 17, 2018
- 64
- 128
- Aug 14, 2019
- 11
- 16
Oh but we have.I wonder what Megalodong looks like? we havent even seen a glimpse of it!
Fear the Megalodong!
- Aug 21, 2018
- 2,180
- 3,567
Its a weird mixture of ups and downs. I dont know how to handle the hard shifts in tone from depression/rape trauma to cheese comments and hard topic changes. I think that is a to hard cut several times. Especially the connection between the ppl. They get close or are close way to quick. Avalons friend as an example. Its seems the MC and her know each other quite well, because they have this stupid "game" and insulting each other. But when I remember correctly Avalon and the MC (I dont use the name, because I dislike games with fixed name (without a good reason)) havent seen each other for 4 years? ... So they havent seen for years too. Oh - and on the Octavia path she mentions her friend Dallas, but the player has never heard of her in that case and that is confusing.
Then there are several situation that are strange. When Octavia tell the MC that she knows about Avalons mother and father, he doesnt question her and how she got these information. Because the last thing is, that the girl would tell something like that to a woman she met a few hours ago in a burger joint and the MC knows her not alot longer.
And the whole connection between Avalon and the MC feels rushed ... Avalon connects with the MC within what? 2 days? ... Especially with the background of them you have to go slower. ... Then the focus to state that he isnt blood related to Avalon ... yeah, I get it ... but it feels forced. You could establish that in some expositional intro and dont have every character mention it.
Its a nice game - the look of the girls is quite unique (still not sure that I really like it - the mix of realistic renders and manga is borderline uncanny valley stuff), but the rushed progression with that tough topic in the background and the many (mostly) funny scenes is a strange mixture and hard to digest for me. Then there is this major choice with the girls, but after that it is just cosmetic stuff that doesnt change anything. It would be cool to have a route where you dont have a romantic relationship with Avalon and only with the other girl and/or some side chicks.
Then there are several situation that are strange. When Octavia tell the MC that she knows about Avalons mother and father, he doesnt question her and how she got these information. Because the last thing is, that the girl would tell something like that to a woman she met a few hours ago in a burger joint and the MC knows her not alot longer.
And the whole connection between Avalon and the MC feels rushed ... Avalon connects with the MC within what? 2 days? ... Especially with the background of them you have to go slower. ... Then the focus to state that he isnt blood related to Avalon ... yeah, I get it ... but it feels forced. You could establish that in some expositional intro and dont have every character mention it.
Its a nice game - the look of the girls is quite unique (still not sure that I really like it - the mix of realistic renders and manga is borderline uncanny valley stuff), but the rushed progression with that tough topic in the background and the many (mostly) funny scenes is a strange mixture and hard to digest for me. Then there is this major choice with the girls, but after that it is just cosmetic stuff that doesnt change anything. It would be cool to have a route where you dont have a romantic relationship with Avalon and only with the other girl and/or some side chicks.
It's been a rather enlightening first attempt. My next attempt will be a lot different. You're not the first one to make these exact complaints and trust me, I hear ya. Loud and clear. I had my reasons for each one of these decisions but it seems they're either not understood or straight up not accepted by some of the community. And that means I've failed on my part as the writer.
What parts did you like about it so I know what I did right for future endeavors?
- Aug 21, 2018
- 2,180
- 3,567
As I said - in this mix - more time to develop the relationship and let the cheese and "funny" dialog happen between MC and other girls. You set up a scenario where they havent talked for 4 years? That is a lot for a 18yrs old girl. At that age 4 years are still an eternity. For him this is not that much time (I guess he is around his 30?) and that he tries to connect to her fast is right, but not from her side.
When you pick a heavy topic like that for the background you have to spend more time to deliver that and let the girl change - because in this case rape is no fetish that is just there for that. I mean in my class (ages ago ^^) we had a girl that was raped by her step-dad and really messed up. Everything about sex or intimacy triggered her and not in the funny way - witnessed that on some class trips. Dont know what happend to her, but she was a strange person as long as I had contact with her. Traumatic events mess you up a lot - and thats never always that clear to see.
Maybe go for one direction. Slow build up with strong background and let the player really "work" for progress (not with grind, with the right decisions) with the girl. Or funny lighthearted story with some faster progression and fun stuff. I think the mix-up is the biggest problem.
For real - we went from nightmare-screams to dildo play within what? 48 hrs? (havent finished the game - that is the point I am currently at ^^). That is a stretch for a girl that got raped a month ago ... and yes, its "just" a porn game, but I think you still have to combat the suspension of disbelief. Thats what make or breaks a story (no matter what medium - thats why the battle for wintefell destroyed the GoT myth ... so much stupidity just for the effect. They should have died at that battle - all of them).
Ok, well, thank you for the notes. I hope you find something to like in Avalon.
- Mar 31, 2020
- 87
- 120
Hey Trasher
i get what you mean, but most things can be explained.
why connect they so fast? because they were really close 4 years ago and Ava has nowhere to go. Even when the 4 years are a big part of Avas life, it doesn't means she has forgotten everything, about Byron.
why ava wants to experience sex is answered later in the game. She gets flashbacks while teasing around with Byron, what shows, that there are still 'scars' under the surface. She is forcing herself a bit... I can't answer how realistic that is, but I heard about weirder stuff.
Why Dallas and Byron are close can be answered by Byron's and Dallas' relationship to Ava. Dallas is Avas best friend, so with no doubt they were often together. The game explains that Byron was often at Sharols (Avas mother) to spend time with Ava, so he knows Dallas of course.
In my opinion the story is plausible. Humans aren't always logical and so some choices of the characters can be explained by that fact
i get what you mean, but most things can be explained.
why connect they so fast? because they were really close 4 years ago and Ava has nowhere to go. Even when the 4 years are a big part of Avas life, it doesn't means she has forgotten everything, about Byron.
why ava wants to experience sex is answered later in the game. She gets flashbacks while teasing around with Byron, what shows, that there are still 'scars' under the surface. She is forcing herself a bit... I can't answer how realistic that is, but I heard about weirder stuff.
Why Dallas and Byron are close can be answered by Byron's and Dallas' relationship to Ava. Dallas is Avas best friend, so with no doubt they were often together. The game explains that Byron was often at Sharols (Avas mother) to spend time with Ava, so he knows Dallas of course.
As i said, the answer for that will follow ^^
In my opinion the story is plausible. Humans aren't always logical and so some choices of the characters can be explained by that fact
- Aug 21, 2018
- 2,180
- 3,567
Maybe ... but I am currently at that point where he "punish" her for interfering during the cop call. That should have triggered her in a major way ... she got restrained and sexually assaulted - even in a more playful scenario that is tough. There are scenes where she acts more plausible (I mean she acts even in this scene, but imho not strong enough and to late) - but like the whole game its switches to hard. I get that she throws herself into that relationship and I do think that this is a coping mechanism for some in that situation, but everything is going to fast.Hey Trasher
i get what you mean, but most things can be explained.
why connect they so fast? because they were really close 4 years ago and Ava has nowhere to go. Even when the 4 years are a big part of Avas life, it doesn't means she has forgotten everything, about Byron.
why ava wants to experience sex is answered later in the game. She gets flashbacks while teasing around with Byron, what shows, that there are still 'scars' under the surface. She is forcing herself a bit... I can't answer how realistic that is, but I heard about weirder stuff.
Why Dallas and Byron are close can be answered by Byron's and Dallas' relationship to Ava. Dallas is Avas best friend, so with no doubt they were often together. The game explains that Byron was often at Sharols (Avas mother) to spend time with Ava, so he knows Dallas of course.
As i said, the answer for that will follow ^^
In my opinion the story is plausible. Humans aren't always logical and so some choices of the characters can be explained by that fact
And the thing with her friend and even with her - when I remember correctly he never visited her after that "pen" attack four years ago. So they had a close relationship until she got 14 (same for Dallas). She might had a crush at that age, and maybe Dallas is that broken that she acted the same way with the age of 14 ... but that would be tough. They have not forgotten about him, but they where complexly different human beings 4 years ago. No one is the same with 14 and 18 - especially in a horrible living situation like her. I dont think anybody here can say that he was the same with 14 and 18. That is a time for major changes on all aspects of a person.
Dont get me wrong - that wouldnt matter that much, but the attempt for a deeper backstory and character requires more work. When you choose that hard path these are things that you have to keep in mind to avoid the suspension of disbelief. When you instead use "Naive girl backstory #10412" for your game you dont need all that and just throw her into the MCs arms and let them play ^^
- Aug 14, 2019
- 11
- 16
Ok, my take. The story was fun, it was original, and unique. I have seen the cries of "disbelief" over her acceptation/recovery. Its Renpy not fucking "War and Peace". If you were here haute Literary, then google
You must be registered to see the links
, and have fun. For the rest of us, its quirky, its quick paced, and the NPCs are believable and a blast!. Have. Fucking. Fun!!!Oh dear innocent Lockheart, we're not just a movement. We're a cult. And we worship the Megaladong.
All Hail Byron! All Hail the Megaladong! He who shall devour all with his sticky white juices! He who will send all who worships him to the highest heavens! All Hail. All Hail.
---
Excuse me, now that I've done my daily mantra, I just like to say that you keep doing you, Lockheart. I know there's a lot of tension going on at this thread what with one of the commentors really trying their best to grill you on the game's content and how you somehow don't listen to criticism, don't mind them. They haven't truly experienced all the hard work you've been putting to the game and to constantly change and rewrite things for your audience.
I'm gonna go off my limbs here and say that there are a lot more people who appreciate and thank you for make a game that has more substance and story content than just the average porn game.
---
All that being said, do not disappoint the Megaladong. I hear him in my dreams, he wishes to be free from his fabric prison.
Ahaha.
Ah shit, I always knew I'd inspire a cult one day. But this... I never expected this...
They're actually really growing on me. They've got kind of a bromantic Beavis and Butthead thing going on. And I actually had to buy and watch that movie again. It's even better than I remember.
I really appreciate the support. It's been a rocky first attempt at a Novel. I know things moved kind of fast and most people find the way the characters act hard to believe. I'm taking note of it all. I'm sure that no matter how I dealt with an issue of this magnitude, there would be those that are extremely critical. It was simply a bad topic to try to tackle for my first game.
I'm going to finish up Avalon. I had planned for Seven total Acts in Avalon. I'm going to try to stick to that. And moving into my next piece of work, we'll find something a little more light-hearted. Perhaps a story about an ace detective making criminals look like fools?
For everyone that found something to love in Avalon, thank so much for your support and your kind words. I really appreciate it.
I'm going to finish up Avalon. I had planned for Seven total Acts in Avalon. I'm going to try to stick to that. And moving into my next piece of work, we'll find something a little more light-hearted. Perhaps a story about an ace detective making criminals look like fools?
For everyone that found something to love in Avalon, thank so much for your support and your kind words. I really appreciate it.