VN Ren'Py Abandoned Daywalkers [0.1.0 Prologue Chapter 1] [Dark Coven]

2.20 star(s) 5 Votes

ViperDevlin44

Well-Known Member
Aug 29, 2018
1,659
1,198
Looks intresting it has my favorite tags of incest and corruption
 
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Mondoblasto

Well-Known Member
Nov 13, 2017
1,378
2,193
BatmanCxnt It's one thing to not type in perfect English in a forum, but you can't do that in a script. At this point, I can only assume that English is not your first language.

Download Grammarly. It's not perfect, but I find it super helpful.
 

CaptMorgan76

Member
May 10, 2018
424
495
This is only a little bit of the first version reason I'm uploading it now is because I'm after some opinions
I haven't played it yet, but I can already give you feedback.. If you're going to have Female Dom in the game you would be well served to give us the option of breaking her/them.. I would think there are still quite a few non-beta men left in this world that won't enjoy Femdom..
 
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ZTex

Engaged Member
Apr 3, 2019
2,896
4,182
BatmanCxnt It's one thing to not type in perfect English in a forum, but you can't do that in a script. At this point, I can only assume that English is not your first language.

Download Grammarly. It's not perfect, but I find it super helpful.
No one speaks in perfect english. Hell no one speaks in perfect any language, so why does it bother you that there's some aspects that aren't perfect ?
Some of the best scripts out there for film and games have janky dialogue and scripts.
 

Fallen Angel Productions

Engaged Member
Game Developer
May 16, 2017
2,615
9,688
I haven't played it yet, but I can already give you feedback.. If you're going to have Female Dom in the game you would be well served to give us the option of breaking her/them.. I would think there are still quite a few non-beta men left in this world that won't enjoy Femdom..
the girls are all different i won't spoil anything but all the girls will be into different things i'm trying to put in abit for everyone
 

jb1998

New Member
Jan 6, 2018
4
5
I honestly only had a small issue with it. Looking past grammar and punctuation ... I don't know if there is one single game out there that is ABSOLUTELY PERFECT, that might just be creepy as hell at this point. The dialogue is quite..verbose I guess, but as this is just a little bit..just the tip..I'm sure by saying the text is going to be fixed that's included.

I like the sister, theres just something about the mother that bugs me..looks interesting though.
 

Fallen Angel Productions

Engaged Member
Game Developer
May 16, 2017
2,615
9,688
I honestly only had a small issue with it. Looking past grammar and punctuation ... I don't know if there is one single game out there that is ABSOLUTELY PERFECT, that might just be creepy as hell at this point. The dialogue is quite..verbose I guess, but as this is just a little bit..just the tip..I'm sure by saying the text is going to be fixed that's included.

I like the sister, theres just something about the mother that bugs me..looks interesting though.
yeah I'm definitely fixing the script and thank you
 

CaptMorgan76

Member
May 10, 2018
424
495
the girls are all different i won't spoil anything but all the girls will be into different things i'm trying to put in abit for everyone
That's fine and good, but I just played the sample and I stand by my suggestion. For me personally, any dom female that I'm not offered the choice to break is a deal-breaker for me... It instantly ruins it for me. I'm somewhat of a caveman I guess.. but so far, well done.
 

Devka

Member
May 8, 2017
262
272
Beta release?
Pros:
Decent renders
Tags

Cons:
Writing seems to be all over the place
Backstory amounts to a small paragraph on a blank screen
Backstory will be released later in a comicbook format instead of in the game where it belongs
Again Tags: The only tags listed that are in the game are 3DCG, Male Protag, Milf and the missing voyeurism tag
Not enough here to really make an informed decision on what the game will be

I wouldn't even call this a proof of concept at this stage tbh.

*Beta release*

*Small paragraph story explanation on blank screen

*MC wakes up

*MC gets dressed

*MC steps out of bedroom

*MC meets chubby bitchy sister in hallway who tries to blackmail MC into cleaning her bedroom

*MC peeps on sister mopping her bedroom floor

*MC goes to the kitchen

*MC's mom yells at him for no reason(Goes from happy to see MC to bitch-fit in the blink of an eye for no reason)

*MC peeps on mom who is suddenly bent over for some unknown reason

*MC suddenly mentally calls mom a slut and says that mom and sister will be his out of nowhere

*End

That amounts to at most 10min of the MC's morning. Could have just as easily been MC wakes up, gets dressed, goes and takes a piss, washes face, brushes teeth, the end. Same amount of time in the MC's morning.

Isn't there a rule about tags? Something about the only tags allowed to be listed are the ones that are actually in the game at the time of release. While putting future tags in the OP under say a spoiler.
 
2.20 star(s) 5 Votes