In a random event I allied a nation (Yukari) for 10 turns over those turns I seduced the leader and a coalition was formed against me, I'm down to 3 cities from 8 Yukari has 13. The coalition ended and I've been paying all nations around 100, gotten some cities back but how does personal relations affect diplomacy Yukari is my second biggest threat can I force ally her?
The rulers that loves you or submitted to you personally shouldn't join coalitions against you. Well, I not sure which exactly version of the game you are playing, so this is not 100% in your case.
The ally shouldn't abandon alliance either to join the coalition. Well, they aren't offered to join anyway.
Also, because coalitions are called and joined by other members for one of the three reasons:
1) Revenge - Very bad relations
2) Supression - massive economic disparity or massive difference in military power.
3) Fear - because player's behaviour makes them fear that you attack their territory, while they are your neighbour. I believe reputation plays big role here.
Giving them money negate/reduce 1st and 3rd and help to deal with the second. But 100 gold is nothing. It's better to give more to whoever you deem important than little bit to everyone. Personally, I only use direct gift throught diplomacy when I need relatinship boost instead of each turn auto-gifting.
So, for so long as you aren't have massive advantage over neighbors and don't have bad relations with them you shouln't be ganged. However, if you aren't playing in very cunning way with diplomacy, or just chill in the small country while trying to achive the unity throught bed, the eventual coalitions against you are pretty much expected. So, you should get more soldiers and officers when you are planning to start achiving your ambition, and just stockpile on gold. AI do not take into consideration how much money you have, only income of your cities when he judge parity. And keeping too little soldiers will lead to opportunitic enemy attack anyway. So the key to be safe before you establish "safety" with your neighbors is limited number of soldiers, around the same as your neighbors, but lead by best officers you can get.
Anyway, if you trigger coalition against you (it is not a random event, by the way, unlike Rebellion) then you just need to survive several turns that it lasts. So just guard your border cities either with garnison with officers or armies.
Also, AI judge other NPC the same way it judge player, so you can be invited into coalitions too.
P.S. This game based not on Sengoku Rance, it based on "
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" games from Koei, mostly known for Nobunaga no Yabou (Nobunaga's Ambitions), and Romance of the Three Kingdoms. There is even third party games like Gihren no Yabou (Gundam based and Gihren no Yabou: Axis no Kyoui V is one of my favourite PSP games) and, well, this one and it's Nasuverse based variation.